Sometimes, things are beyond our control.
But other times, it is under our control.
We can choose how we show up in our relationships.
Drew Wilson
And this makes a difference in whether it thrives or implodes.
Lets look at the most common ways people destroy their relationships and how to avoid them.
Communication is the key to a healthyrelationship, weve all heard this one before.
But how many of us make it a priority to truly connect with our partner?
Healthy communication can be challenging if you grew up in a home with unhealthy communication.
When you feel those defenses going up, recognize that this is your Protector coming to save you.
This Protector played a vital role when you were younger and didnt have many skills.
Awareness is the first step.
So just be aware of your weak spots and work on strengthening those communication skills.
Why do we do this?
We hate being criticized but sometimes just cant help but do it to our partners.
If you are overly critical, then look deeper into where that comes from.
Usually, the thing were most critical about in others is what we are most critical about in ourselves.
Take a look at whats really bothering you.
Maybe you dont feel heard.
Maybe you feel resentment toward him for not meeting certain needs and instead and it manifests as criticism.
There is never a good reason to be sneaky in your relationship.
If you feel this need, ask yourself why.
Do you think youre partner will get angry?
If you cant trust him and he cant trust you, what are we even doing here?
And of the greatest indicators of that in his research is eye-rolling.
Mocking your partner and being sarcastic, and not in a playful way, are also signs of contempt.
If you cant respect him, you gotta ask yourself why.
Do you really think hes just an idiot?
If so, why are you with him?
Or, are you just trying to protect yourself andself-sabotaging?
Or are you angry over things that happened with him in the past that you never addressed?
Being too sensitive and insecure.
And you get hysterical and think hes calling you fat.
I chose that as an example because that happened to me a long time ago with a boyfriend.
Setting him up to fail.
Dont expect him to read your mind and know what you want and how you want it.
If you want a happy relationship, set your partner up to win.
Just be direct, dont drop hints and then get angry when he doesnt pick up on them.
If you want him to plan something special for your anniversary, just tell him that!
So just tell him instead of getting upset on the day of.
If you give him directions on how to make you happy, he will!
(As long as its done in a kind way, not a shaming way).
Expecting your partner to fill a void.
Another person cannot repair whats broken inside you.
Love wont heal you and it wont erase your past pains and trauma.
Conversely, love will bring up all that is unloved within you.
Whatever it is you havent dealt with will keep coming up again and again.
This is a mistake that usually kills a budding relationship but can also harm an established one.
Happy couples arent couples who never fight, they just dont fight dirty.
If youre having problems, nothing will change if you ignore it.
Rather, youll end up becoming bitter and resentful and this will poison your relationship.
Avoiding confrontation can also cause you to actpassive aggressiveand this never takes things in a positive direction!
The way to prevent most of these destructive behaviors is to just have self-awareness.
