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Updated 8 years ago,October 6, 2017
1.
Hes not feeling it.
Most peoplefall in love a couple of timesduring their lives.
Unsplash / Vil Son
That means that most of the people we date are not the one.
They dont trigger those very special feelings in us.
In fact, thats mostly what happens.
Commitment without being in love doesnt make sense.
Why go all in with someone who isnt forever?
A man would rather remain free to date other people without guilt.
Unsplash / Vil Son
The match doesnt work on paper.
Sometimes the strong feelings are there, but theres too much potential for conflict in the relationship.
Whether its your backgrounds, religion, political beliefs, or something else, youre star-crossed lovers.
Men are the gatekeepers ofcommitment, and they tend to be more practical.
Hes not settled geographically.
Guys hate drama, including tragic goodbyes and long talks about making long-distance relationships work.
His career is his top priority.
Relationships involve caring for the feelings of another person.
Hes taking a break from relationships.
Maybe he recently went through a breakup and isnt over it.
Maybe he hasnt been single in years and wants some time to himself.
Theres nothing pathological about not wanting to be accountable to someone else for a while.
He has feelings for someone else.
It could be the ex.
It could be the woman at work whos engaged to someone else.
Hes distracted and preoccupied by the idea of a woman who isnt you.
He wants to focus on self-development.
Working on or improving ones self is admirable.
It may signal that a person is not in the right head space for a relationship right now.
Or maybe they want to avoid commitment as they work on becoming their best selves.
Relationships are huge long-term projects.
Sometimes we already have a few projects in the works, and hesitate to add another one.
He doesnt trust you.
Have you been following The Rules while youve been dating this poor guy?
Have you playedhard to get?
If you jerk people around and pretend to be unavailable, guess what?
They feel manipulated and conclude youre unavailable.
Suddenly youre all about commitment WTF?
Relationships require honesty to build intimacy and trust right from the start.
The writers of The Rules are long since divorced.
Relationships without honest, open communication never last.
Its not happening organically/Youre pressuring him.
Are you pressuring him because it hasnt happened?
Or is not happening because he feels pressured?
No one wants to commit under pressure.
Relationships or heaven forbid, engagements that happen as the result of an ultimatum are doomed.
They may limp along for a while, but resentment is sure to build.
You cant force someone to love you, and you cant force them to commit to you.
Even if they go through the motions, youll know their heart isnt in it.
Hes not the marrying/relationship kind.
Some people arent fit for commitment.
They dont attach well to others, and are uncomfortable with emotional intimacy.
Its the right thing for him and the right thing for you.
Some men are all about the chase.
These traits are entrenched and often hard-wired.
You cannot change or convert a man like this to good boyfriend material.
