You cant be friends.
They wont allow you to be.
By
Updated 4 years ago,April 5, 2021
1.
Kelli Mcclintock
If either of you still has feelings for the other.
I know this seems obvious, but sadly it often isnt.
If the problems in your relationship werent resolved before the breakup.
For others, the breakup because they had irreconcilable differences.
Maybe one person was consistently rude to the other.
Maybe one of you hurt the other deeply and it couldnt be resolved.
If boundaries that are set arent respected.
You are going from being with each other constantly and romantically into something more platonic.
That means you dont act the same way that you did when you were dating.
You cant be friends.
They wont allow you to be.
If you two still act flirty around each other.
Old habits can take a while to die, I know.
Yet if youre still being flirty, youre not being friends- youre just calling yourself that to feel better.
Friends dont flirt with each other, even as a joke.
You havent spent any significant time apart.
Sure, in some spaces that can be difficult.
Youre just having a hard time being apart from someone you used to spend all your time with.
If they/you are dating someone who isnt comfortable with you two hanging out.
And if you or your ex encourages you both to meet with them secretly behind their back?
That doesnt set a good precedent for a friendship.
If you spend all your time talking about your past relationship.
Maybe you are finding ways to be just friends, and youre still sorting things out.
If all of your friends tell you its a bad idea.
It can be hard to hear it, especially when you want their support.
Yet your friends know your relationship, and they see things you didnt.
They can see signs from miles away that youre blind to, because you loved that person.
If they can sense that you two cant be friends, you really should listen to them.
If your ex jokes about you two getting back together.
Its clear that they have some residual feelings there.
And why wouldnt they?
Its hard to not have feelings for an ex, especially if you dated a long time.
However, making jokes like that only makes things more difficult for you both trying to be just friends.
If the breakup was because of something they did that was hurtful, cruel, or inappropriate.
Again, this one feels obvious, but love and feelings make us do crazy things.
We overlook things we shouldnt and we accept things we dont deserve.
Maybe your ex cheated on you.
Maybe they hurt you, in deep and devastating ways.
Maybe they were rude and unsupportive of you when you were together.
Maybe they were cruel to your friends and family.
They wont change because your relationship is different- they will only change if they want to.
You cant be friends until they change because they want to.
