Sebastian is annoying and yells whenever his wife doesn’t put cheese on his daily tuna melt.
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Updated 8 years ago,May 15, 2017
Karlena.
Yes, my bosss name is a feminine version of Karl.
Illustration by Daniella Urdinlaiz
Shes a manipulative, OCD, two-faced, backstabbing, victim-complex, guilt-tripping liar.
Shes a flaming, anemic cunt.
Lord-of-Lordran
Sebastian is annoying and yells whenever his wife doesnt put cheese on his daily tuna melt.
Illustration by Daniella Urdinlaiz
Also, she constantly walks around the office barefoot and doesnt wear deodorant.
Plus, hes just so anal about everything.
Yeah, everybody has a Jim story…I hate Jim.
Chapps
This guy Nathan.
Every time Nathan saw me do something, he reported it.
Fuck you, Nathan, you piece of shit.
Joelovesfood
We had a guy named Norman at a place I worked.
He actually got himself onto the management team by constantly ratting on people.
But…there is justice to the story.
They demoted Norman back to the floor.
I almost…almost felt sorry for him after that.
After months of being a dick, no would speak to him after he lost his management position.
He always took breaks and lunch alone after that.
He overuses alliteration, cant make a graph, and is generally incapable of working on a news crew.
Dr_King_Schultz
For fucks sake, Megan, just show up on time and do your job.
No one cares that you married some douche with no job so that your insurance would cover his rehab.
We just want you here on time, quiet, and doing your job right the first time.
The company pays you too much to be as big of a fuck-up as you are.
Too many people have written emails to HR about you for them to continue ignoring it.
Get your shit together, or go work somewhere else.
She is the mean girl of the office.
We actually used to be good friends, but we wronged each other.
She will make a big show of making plans for the office but will exclude a couple of ppl.
emjaybe
Cory…
She has terrible hygiene and constantly smells like an Italian sub.
Shes constantly complaining about money problems but is always talking about how drunk/high/turnt she got last night.
When things dont go her way with a sale she turns into an enormous bitch.
This does not stop her from singing loudly with customers in the store.
Constantly brings up to my customers mid-conversation how hard whatever shes doing in her life is.
She practically yells when she talks.
God, I hate her.
kaduku21
I have a manager who just prioritizes shit completely wrong and its annoying as fuck.
Meanwhile Im having to balance taking and making orders and getting dishes done and delivering food.
We finally got a third day-shift person recently, and we actually started making the dough on time.
She calls off at least once a week.
We are a 24-hour essential service.
that means someone has to stay over 4 hours and someone else has to come in four hours early.
And she just doesnt GAF!
They are all really old or sick or both and its the last home they will stay at.
Most of them are nice folks.
Sometimes you have slow days.
Everybody is quiet or sleeping.
All laundry is done, all rooms are clean.
Desi is a nurse, she user to be a manager at another place before she worked with us.
But with us She is just a normal nurse, she isnt management.
She cant lift patients alone.
Short of breath, the works.
Overall she is nice enough to work with, but she always lets her colleagues do the heavy work.
In the time you put three people to bed, she does one.
She sits on her ass taking breaks a lot.
Spinning it in the most negative way possible.
As if everybody is taking hours chatting and smoking outside while she does all the work.
And she named your name, because she knows we do our work properly.
Weve got our eyes on you now and your two-faced antics.
You better see to it YOU dont step out of line too much now yourself.
All the while spitting into his dip cup.
But one guy, man…Joel…is an Omega male.
Needs everyones attention at all times.
Everyone else is inept and incompetent.
He knows everything while driving daggers in everyones back.
Shit gets old fast.
Xyrektv
I fucking hate Reggie.
And thats just two examples of shit he did while I wasthere.That was his good behavior!
Name not changed because fuck him.
Scott is my weird desk neighbor, so I can never escape him.
Scott eats hardboiled eggs at his desk.
Scott likes to leave his desk drawers open all the time.
Scott leaves the fucking volume turned up on his cell phone and gets texts and calls all day.
Scott is a big fan of using Lysol wipes multiple times a day.
Scott alternates between looking up fitness and self-help resources and ammo.
Scott also never eats the Friday donuts.
Scott is a dick.
Dont be like Scott.
That was your only task last night!
Hes slow on purpose.
He doesnt divide work equally when hes your partner.
He leaves his trash EVERYWHERE.
I dont want moldy gross yogurt cup with bugs in it on my equipment when I use it!
This one is just what Ive been told.)
Because he frequently sends emails with 3-4 sentences in the subject and nothing in the body of the email.
Very bad at his job and very patronizing.
Squealilia
Dany loves to manage other people who she has no right to manage.
Prior to working with us, she was known for not holding employment very long.
When I very politely questioned the reason and rationale for the policy, she got upset.
Dany didnt like this.
She met with my boss the next day and told my boss I was insubordinate.
My boss knows me, and knows what a terrible employee Dany is, so she dismissed the accusation.
One day, Dany told my boss I left early.
My boss emailed me asking why Id left early that day.
Dany, of course, didnt say that I left 10 minutes early, just that Id left early.
Overall, Dany is one of the worst people I have ever worked with.
I told the CEO (her boss) after an incident that she created a hostile work environment.
He was gathering stories from different employees and said you had to usethose three exact words,didnt you….
Anyway, she still works there and is by far the weakest link in the company.
She is poison to the company.
Everything is a big drama to her, everything is an outrage or terrible.
Shes always complaining or pissed off as though everything about the job is unfair.
Absolutely 200% Lauren.
I wasnt asking you out, I was trying to get you comfortable with everyone at work.
I never got upset that you said no, Lauren.
BitTank
ApophisTheOwl
His name is Jonah.
He cant package candy for shit and refuses to learn anything.
Im always the one that has to fix his work, all while getting behind on my own.
I trained him initially, and I told him specifically to use the purple soap to mop the floor.
Hed been mopping the floor with antifreeze for three months.
However, hes not the worst coworker Ive had at this job.
Just the worst one currently.
If anybody wants any more stories Im willing to share.
Shes a woman in her late fifties who acts like shes in middle school.
Management wont even take her seriously anymore.
Its 2017; everyone knows what the fuck cunnilingus is, Terry.
Youre not special because someone was once brave enough to venture down yonder on you.
Shes constantly one-upping people in terms of sob stories or trying to paint herself as the selfless martyr.
Sit the fuck down and shut up.
screamingscheesecake
Ron is a dick.
He is always going on and on about being sober but smokes pot all fucking day.
It wouldnt be an issue if it didnt make him paranoid.
He rushes our jobs to the point where our other boss told him to chill the fuck out.
Also calls my new guy, who is from the Congo, Abdul.
His name is Claude.
Doesnt even bother to learn these guys names.
Hes an entitled 80-year-old man who gets paid six figures to sleep half the day.
Hes far right-winged and has no qualms imposing his views upon everyone.
Hes sexist, racist, and overall an asshole.
Hes beaten cancer multiple times and some of us wish he hadnt.
He did not know I spoke Spanish.
Some of them cut really deep :*(
R3ap3r973
Her name is Brenda.
She is literally the dumbest moron alive.
The ISP I work for has tools for both DSL and fiber connections.
Shes just SO LOUD.
Every morning she comes in, shes just screaming.
Shes about 63 and a former music teacher, she now works at an entry level data entry-ish job.
Because most people dont need a flowchart to ~open containing folder~ .
She always cries when she sees something on Facebook about a niece or nephew that is endearing.
Also, she sings songs no one has ever heard before out loud at music teacher volume all day.
One time he yelled WHITE POWER out the window for no reason.
He gets written up quite often for no-call-no-shows.
Also for being rude to customers.
Cant wait til he gets fired.
I was top salesperson in 2016.
Kevin was in last place.
My sales topped 400K in 2016.
He screwed up more orders than anyone.
Hes a nepotism hire, though.
I tell them either I switch departments or he does.
I got moved to service.
Hes still in sales with 30K in margin for the year.
I was in sales for two weeks in January and made 45K in sales.
No one likes him.
He was a truck driver before.
We sell IT to the government.
To top it off…hes a practicing Mormon but only practicing the parts he likes.
Josh cant think in his head, he always talks out his thoughts and what he is doing.
I need a Coke, 2 Diet Cokes, and a sweet tea.
moneykillinq
Im gonna call him Jeff.
Jeff is very vocal about how he believes that aliens come down and mate with people.
That Michelle Obama is a man and their children are actors.
Jeff believes in a place called Pedophile Island and wont stop talking about Pizzagate.
Jeff is obsessed with pedophiles; he thinks the old man in his apartment building is a pedophile.
Jeff happens to know a bunch of B-list celebrities and band members and he tells fucking everyone.
Jeff always has a story better than yours or an opinion on how to do whatever youre doing better.
My clients, his clients, walk ins, anyone with working ears has to hear this bullshit every.
I wish Jeff would go the fuck away.
AngryEm
Craig, the amount of bodily noises you make is astounding.
I would not believe a single man could make that much noise by just existing.
Go to a doctor and see if that much noise is normal.
PepsiStudent
Charles…this fucking asshole is the worlds biggest sociopath.
Literally no one at my restaurant appreciated her.
Everyone had something to say about her.
She was an extremely diligent worker and acted like she had 10 tables literally every second she worked there.
Service could be dead and have only one table and shed still act like she had 10.
Cause of that one guy would always announce whats hes doing when shes out serving tables.
I wonder what she couldve been doing?????
darkknight941
Saccharine Suzy: hyper-positive, very high-pitched voice.
She is also touchy and abuses motivational sayings and posters.
Hes constantly trying to make dumb, cliche jokes that have nothing to do with anything.
Ill be at my desk working and hell go, Geez, is it 5:30 yet?
No Gary, its 9:15.
PurplePotamus
My coworker cropdusts people with the worst-smelling farts ever.
We know youre the one cropdusting everyone.
HappySunshineFace
The person that got this job because she knows the boss.
I fucking hate John.
I literally think about punching you in the face multiple times a day.
I also hate that she thinks youre better than me when I do 10X the work you do.
Fuck you so much, John.
jh117906
Strike one, two, and 2 1/2 were when I found out that her name was Stazy.
Yes, Stacy, but with a z.
The final half a strike came when she called off her second day.
Captain_Hampockets
Let me tell you all the story of a girl named Mallory.
After about a week of everyone at work treating Ryan like shit they go back to being friendly.
Well, the weed never shows up and I begin to suspect that she took it.
and factions form Me and Ryan vs Brian, Drew and Mallory.
It is also around this time the Brian started sleeping with Mallory.
(I think this is a good place to point out that Bryan is married with kids.)
In the summer though, it gets worse.
I feel bad for her, but Im there to do my job and not make her feel important.
VaginaDangerous
Olga cant control the volume of her voice and speaks in simple padded sentences.
What makes it worse is that she cant eat her lunch in the break room like a normal person.
Despite this, she has no fucking clue what shes doing.
Ive seen her ask the newest person in the office for help.
She also has her computer screen set up for invert colors.
At first I assumed it was because of a vision problem but I now doubt that.
I work a 4-8AM shift every Sunday morning.
Annes shift starts at 8AM, ends at noon.
I told Anne to get up earlier so she can make it to her shift on time.
She said she just cant wake up.
This has happened multiple times.
This has happened 6+ times.
Anne has apologized once, then continued to be late to her shifts.
verabigwang
Lets call her Jane.
Mary meant espresso, Jane thought she meant cocaine.
Looking at you, Denise.
A little back story, we worked in a family-owned tire shop.
Hes about 100 lbs soaking wet, ex-crackhead, alcoholic, and lies through his teeth.
So onto the stories.
I was warned by both my bosses that Dan had a habit of telling bullshit stories.
Needless to say this became very apparent after my first week there.
He had to be in casts from the time he was born until he was 16.
Third story is he has only ever landed in two planes, and the rest he sky-dove out of.
Except he didnt jump from 40,000 feet, he jumped from 400,000 feet.
(News flash, Canadian Army doesnt use 50 cal rifles).
Also how every time he drinks instant coffee if reminds him of being in the Army.
(Im pretty sure he never even made it out of boot camp).
Dan also had a bad habit of NEVER FUCKING COMING TO WORK.
Or Dan would use his mentally disabled kid as an excuse as to not show up for work.
Oh, Jacobs really sick, poor kids been puking all night.
No one believed him.
Got his mom to lie for him when he was sick.
Missed nearly three months of work yearly.
Made his mom pick up his stuff when he decided to stop showing up for work.
Which, depending, could be upwards of thirty times.
Hes also a shoulder rubber/constant high-fiver which is just the icing on the goddamn cake.
I kinda felt bad for the guy.
He is like a human puppy.
He is always bouncing off the walls and overly peppy and just acts magoo.
I like positive people, but his energy level wears me the fuck out.
He spends his free work time calling his customers and asking if they need any service on anything.
He almost makes it not worth it for the company because he runs our service department to death.
Stinks like booze every morning, red in the face and grumpy, rude to everyone.
He goes to his car for a minute or two on every break, to…do something?
And he always smells like beer after his lunch break, which he leaves on.
Did I mention he is our receiver and drives a forklift all day?
IDK why management didnt let him go years ago.
I want to hate-fuck her from behind so much and breed her for five kids.
Hes a server, Im a chef.
Dude is an aspiring DJ.
Tall, skinny, super white.
I dont care how much the club was pumping last night, get your own fucking blueberries, kid.
He complains he doesnt get any hours but never offers to take any days.
Hes slow and is an extreme know-it-all.
If you prove him wrong he gets quiet and does his work even slower!!
He is babied to the point of discomfort by his mother.
Always makes excuses for being late for work.
Only good thing about him is he forgot he lent meThe Witcher 3.
We make high-precision, very labor-intensive optics where I work.
Carl receives lenses after theyve had dozens of man-hours across four people poured into them to make them perfect.
Carl then destroys the shit out of half of them and then more need to be made.
He always acts as though the machines he works on are at fault rather than himself.
He acts like we should make more parts as some sort of sacrifice to him.
So he breaks all of our hard work.
Etherius
Her names Kelly.
Shes a condescending bitch who wont shut the fuck up about how sweet and intelligent her only child is.
It makes me rage just thinking about it.
rosetylersouffle
Wheres IT Power Trip Curtis?
Fuck you, Curtis, no one thinks youre hot shit, just give me Acrobat.
b0nk3r00
Christine was a habitual liar and a master manipulator.
She would come off as a super mom, hard worker, and just the greatest friend.
Came back to work and didnt understand why no one was excited she came back.
Butimnotfat
Fuck you, Donna.
Ive been here more days than you this whole year AND I took maternity leave.
badtwinkie
Julie, you bitch.
she started rumors about me sleeping with another coworker just because she was jealous of our friendship.
I hope all that talking behind my back comes back and bites you in the ass one day.
Gets to work about 15 minutes early.
Walks into the building on time to clock in.
Spends about 10 minutes prepping for his day, then spends about 20 minutes in the bathroom.
Later gets annoyed when nobody reminds him that its lunchtime.
Comes back from lunch and takes another 20-minute dump.
Takes another poop break sometime later in the day.
Always see his ass crack when he bends over.
Generally smells all day.
itshukookay
A guy named Brett.
Constantly underperforms his very simple manual labor intensive duties.
Its like dude, no one cares, get back to work.
Hes a real grump and he doesnt fit in well with the rest of the office.
Hes old as shit and refers to seat belt laws as a symptom of the nanny state.
I dont fucking care, Michael!
I wish youd work from home every day!
Falls asleep at his desk.
Doesnt listen to explanations.
Walks away halfway through explanations.
Talks over the top of you.
Sneaks up behind you and taps the desk to get your attention.
Will awkwardly stand next to you in the middle of important conversation to ask something non-critical and mundane.
What did your manager say?
Being greeted with a surprised WHAT?!
when someone tried to talk to him about something work-related.
And the cherry on top.
Lunch is an intimate affair with the three surrounding cubicles.
And just when you think lunch is over.
We all fear lunch time.
Ohhh, let me tell you about Colleen.
Colleen has worked at my store for the last 13 years.
One can only assume Colleen ate them due to her large girth, but thats another thing entirely.
Remember when I said Colleen has been at this store for 13 years?
Again, despite having a lot of holiday to use, Colleen will never cover your shift.
You are there to cover her and nothing else.
She only ever talks about her kids.
She is late at least 70% of the time.
She will ask you a question and then interrupt you mid-answer.
Still thinks we sell stationary.
(We stopped 6 months ago Colleen, stop calling me over to ask if we have any.)
tl;dr: Fuck Colleen.
Im pretty sure he was a fetal alcohol child because hes borderline retarded.
He cant do simple multiplication.
I of course went with 36…he claimed only 20…
He doesnt ever seem to think before doing anything.
He smells all the damn time.
And interrupts you any time youre trying to say something.
I get along with just about anyone else but him.
Four years in and he hasnt paid back a dime.
We work in a machine shop and he does all our powder coating.
Constantly negative, never gets his work done which slows down 3/4 of the building.
Spends most of his day outside smoking, nothing against smokers (I am one).
His negativity brings down the morale of the whole shop.
But finding someone willing to shoot powder all day is a challenge and so Justin still has a job.
Weirdly, she was hired by accident.
It was a less-grand version of a Shakespearean case of mistaken identity.
Except…wrong Molly.
When she was fired, it took her two days to figure out that she didnt have a job.
Those days were interesting.
The second time (the next day), she had someone drop her off.
That time, we had to threaten her with calling the police if she didnt leave.
She has a comment for everything.
Wow, thats a lot of strawberries!
That doesnt look like enough food for lunch.
Huh, that pasta looks weird, what is it?
JUST LET ME EAT MY LUNCH IN PEACE, LINDA.
The man is basically those manatees from South Park but with business buzzwords.
Nothing he says actually means anything when you break it down.
He never commits to a goddamn thing and hes a pathological liar.
On a sad note, I think hes going to end up with Alzheimers.
At first he was patronizing but friendly.
Poisonous, incompetent, hateful short little troll.
Honest to god she is the only person Ive ever wished a slow painful death on.
She is praised because she says exactly what she thinks and is upfront and honest.
Youre a bitch, Tammy.
linandlee
Peter, aka the cat talker, aka moopy, akaslug Jerry.
Hes not passive-aggressive, hes just passively passive yet spends most of the day talking about himself.
He used to be a runner and would talk essentially nonstop about it.
How many miles he ran each day, the marathons, his shoes, etc.
So he was told his running career was over but he should get replacement knees and hips.
He refused to do so until replacements were good enough that he could resume running marathons.
He took up biking, which ruined his body even more because he overdid it every single day.
Now he can barely walk, let alone bike.
Hes put on at least 40 lbs.
He had a pulmonary embolism and is on blood thinners.
So we have no idea where that came from.
He smells like a damp sandwich.
A musty, yeasty smell.
I have no idea why, but an hour after hes in the elevator its detectable.
Being in a meeting with him is intolerable and people wont sit near him.
Hes a database programmer, or at least he thinks he is.
Also, hes a vegetarian.
I finally had to say Peter, I dont care and since then he leaves me alone.
after a few years, I got promoted above her for doing a great job.
These rumors caused my coworkers to alienate me and clients to leave the firm.
I ended up leaving after HR couldnt be fucked sustaining the complaint despite the evidence I gave them.
Fuck you Kyla and fuck you, unnamed former employer.
rubyredford
This guy named Tyler.
He is this sassy dude who is gay and flaunts it around like crazy.
In the worst ways imaginable.
Even asked him to stop.
Inappropriate and a shitty worker.
Sits on his phone all day while cashiering at Jimmy Johns.
bighairybelly
His name is Don.
When I was working first shift, he was the third shift supervisor.
Had to work with him for a while side by side, and hes a walking OSHA hazard.
The downside is, there is no way the place I work will get rid of him.
I work at an after-school program at an elementary school.
My issue is that shes a lazy bitch.
She calls out of work whenever she feels, mostly only working two or three days a week.
On the days that she is there, she usually leaves early, sometimes only doing half her shift.
And the program director lets her get away with it because shes a doormat.
Like no sweetie, the program and director and site supervisor tell us what to do, not you.
If all my kids are gone after two, Ill go hang out with another group.
I cant do anything if she doesnt tell me whats going on.
God, I hate her.
The girl comes in high/hungover af, every day.
Never greets customers, never offers to actually do her job.
Gets upset when we send her to another part of the store.
The place I work at only has eight employees, plus manager.
As soon as it was announced Peter has become lord over everything.
Fuck off we all have the same damn job!!!
adax_
Rob is an idiot.
Rob asks weird questions.
Rob is bad at his job.
He considered this akin to killing a grandma.
He also regularly forgets my name despite having worked with me for five months.
Rob didnt know that some people get plastic surgery for other reasons than just to look hot.
Rob was amazed when I tried a trash bag to make it stay secure on the can.
Rob is sexist: Rob likes to lecture me (a woman) about my dating life.
I sleep around a bit, yeah, but Im allowed to.
Rob always gets in my business about who I am dating, who I should be dating, etc.
Rob thinks all women are the same.
When asked about what I would do in random scenarios, he calls me another lying female.
He also hits on any girl in a skirt and cheats on his girlfriends frequently.
One time, he said I looked different.
He said it was probably because I looked like I put on maybe fifteen pounds.
Rob asks weird questions: Are you on birth control?
Are you going to be a photographer?
Do you know its a sin to live with three men?
Are you smart, like do you have a high IQ?
Did you vote for Trump?
Do you like the smell of chocolate?
Can we eat jelly fish?
He is also always on his phone when customers are around and need help.
Then he gets mad when I ask him to do the final count.
Rob is vain: One time he asked me to take photos of him posing dramatically at the window.
I humored him because it was some silly shit.
I took pictures for about twenty minutes as he positioned me and made sure the lighting was good.
Then he sat and edited the pictures for two hours.
I cant stand Rob.
reynd
Names changed to protect the innocent.
I have this coworker named Ben.
You heard that right folks, 4-10 shit breaks every single day.
Basically a mixture of dead skin cells, pubic hairs, and sometimes literal human shit.
There is no possible way he doesnt notice it.
But he never cleans it, leaving it for the next lost soul to clean it up for him.
Anyway, I could go on and on about Ben but this has gotten really long.
If anybody is interested I have LOTS of stories about Ben.
And this is every single time he opens his mouth.
A 23-year-old Kardashian wannabe.
Vocal fry and all, shes the worst.
I work in a very large department store in the fitting room.
Shes been on our floor about a week or so and literally everyone hates her.
Shes rude and disrespectful.
She likes to order everyone around like shes a supervisor (shes not).
Shell point to a bag of stuff and say Run it with so much attitude.
Shes rude to customers and whenever you are telling a story Ashley will give a shot to one-up you.
It was mostly how I regretted picking up an extra shift).
Then Ashley said, Oh, youre working 6 hours?
Well I had to work 9 hours straight with no break!
The supervisors never told me when my break was so I just worked 9 hours!
Bitch, Its not a contest.
These are just my encounters with her.
Everyone has a problem with Ashley.
lady_macbeth
That has to be Rick.
Me and Rick are the only males at our job.
Rick always get his piss on the toilet seat and doesnt clean it up.
He always never flushes.
He then proceeds to blame it on me when one of the girls complains.
