A researcher shares the bizarre antics of narcissists that often fall under the radar, along with survivor accounts.
For example, you may tell them, I am going to pick up the kids from school.
Can you do the laundry?
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and they might respond with, Its notlaundry, its laundry!
in a condescending manner, even if you said the word perfectly.
Have you ever noticed how much you say the word like?
I just wanted to make you aware because I dont want you to sound stupid.
Youre not stupid but you sound like you are.
I am Swedish originally although Ive lived in the U.K. more than 25 years.
Yes, he would make fun of how I pronounced words.
Sometimes even because X should have been said BEFORE Y, not after.
After a while, you just stop talking.
Trying to convince me that an actual word isnt a word.
The word was spigot.
Thats not even a word!
What are you even talking about?!!
Then laugh like I was dumb.
He would say, Youre a plumbers daughter so you should know the correct word is hose bib.
During the devaluation stage, he asked me to not speak to him with that tone.
To stop using that tone of voice with him.
I mean…what tone?
They would criticize my pronunciation of words and inflection and my accent.
Ironically the narcissist in my life pronounces everything incorrectly after a lifetime of correcting how I speak!
When I first met my narcissistic ex, he told me how to say his name.
And then I started laughing to myself and putting the pieces together.
He was a piece of work.
Walking ahead of their partners, walking out of the room during conversations, and road rage.
Walking in front of you.
If I ever had something to say, hed walk out of the room.
After initial love bombing phase, he avoided any jot down of physical affection.
It became such a symbol of authority.
Took almost two years to reclaim my ownership upon my own body, specifically my hands, nails.
Criticizing how I sneezed.
Id get into trouble for not slicing a banana correctly for my sons breakfast.
They criticized how I clean, like when I used a broom versus a vacuum.
Where I placed the bag of groceries to unload them counter versus floor.
They criticized how my children and I used our cutlery when eating a meal!
These are such small instances, but theyve still stuck with me a decade later.
You sing along to a song and theyshhhhhyou everytime.
Im no Whitney or Mariah, but I can sing!
I did competitions as a kid and teen and come from a musical family.
My ex would do this all the time.
My partner now loves when I sing and loves my voice.
My narcissist likes to misspell my name.
They call you by another name when they clearly know your name.
Never used my name when speaking to me or used eye contact, or spoke toward me when talking.
Lack of eye contact.
Looking you up and down when you speak.
So I just stood there feeling awkward and insignificant even though I was his WIFE.
I dated a couple narcissists like this.
He would say he was going to ask all his friends.
A narcissistic acquaintance ignored the several photos I shared with her to post on Facebook.
I looked great in the majority of photos and she didnt like being upstaged.
I had to ask her to take it down which she did very condescendingly.
Awful, disgusting person inside and out.
Theyll hide their own stuff and then accuse you or others of stealing it.
Stealing your car keys secretly to control your freedom, while making you look like you are irresponsible.
Or hiding important objects like keys and making you pointlessly search.
We would be having an argument.
Our neighbors are close on either side of the house.
He would be yelling and screaming at me.
I was the one my neighbors hear yelling.
He asked me every morning before I left for work what time I was supposed to be to work.
Whenever I ran, he would say I looked like I would fall any second.
This went on for nearly a decade.
Just, you know, running while hurrying over the road to catch the bus.
He would make me feel self-conscious by commenting how over or under dressed I was before or at events.
Acting like they care while insulting you.
Sleep deprivation.
Not allowing sleep or rest, even with a newborn.
Fall asleep within a minute and sleep like a baby.
Id be up half the night shaken and so upset but nope, not the narc.
Sleeping like the best sleep ever.
Pretending to desperately need your company right as you start falling asleep.
Accidentally diverting your attention with a crisis when doing something important to you.
Finding some way not to let me sleep.
Sometimes hed even sit in the car for the whole gathering.
I thank God every day its over.
Those things are always amazing.
If you care about someone, why wouldnt you be excited for them?
Having to one-up all the time.
So if its rainy here, they already had the rain.
Id be made fun of for how I said breakfast and salsa.
Said I didnt like or do certain things that I did.
I didnt even know what I really liked at all for the basics like my favorite food.
So many tiny things, just bizarre creatures.
Saying things about my personality that are untrue as if it were a fact.
You dont know how to be generous.
You dont know how to be grateful.
Also, constant interruptions to accuse others of interrupting.
Always cutting you off when you talk and changing the subject.
It can even seem positive/supportive for a while.
They cut you off to say something supportive, but that also tries to discredit others.
Then of course they change the subject to themselves.
This was a weird one I recently went through.
Also playing dumb and not acknowledging your feelings/needs or showing you respect as an individual.
You only become an extension of what they want in a partner: a possession.
Still texting you every couple of months to tell you hes done with you.
After you went No Contact a year ago.
He turns on read receipts, so youll know that he saw your text and chose not to reply.
