You will learn who your true friends are.
Two years later, after fighting with all his might, he passed away.
Two years on, my heart still aches, and I know it always will.
Toimetaja tõlkebüroo
Below are some things Ive learned from my own experience.
You will learn who your true friends are.
I experienced a mass exodus of friendships during those four years.
It began the day I found out about my dads diagnosis.
It was as if they felt my situation was contagious.
My personality hadnt changed.
Rather, I was just going through something that everyone has nightmares about from the day theyre born.
Perhaps my presence was a flashing beacon, reminding everyone of their loved ones mortalities.
Losing a parent at 25 just meant that this process was fast tracked for me.
But on the other hand, some friendships bloomed.
Colleagues of mine who were no more than acquaintances before are now some of my most incredible friends.
Ill always be there for them and will forever be grateful to them for unburdening some of my sadness.
It makes room for those who actually deserve to be there, so hold onto those ones.
People will say the wrong thing.
There are an abundance of phrases that we are taught to say to the bereaved.
Theyre in a better place.
Everything happens for a reason.
At least theyre no longer suffering.
Its much worse when someone says nothing at all.
As frustrating as it can be, just keep reminding yourself that these people mean no harm.
To do this, I often imagined being in their position.
What would I say to me?
And still to this day, I struggle with the answer.
Because theres nothing youcansay.
People will turn to you in their times of need.
It could be worse.
This point could get quite deep and philosophical, so Ill attempt to keep it concise.
We might not have been able to seize the day and go on a beautiful family trip to Hawaii.
Even though my time with him was cut short, I am grateful for the time wedidhave.
I was lucky enough to have a father who I loved and will always love.
But youll still be angry.
Ill say it once, and Ill say it 10 times.
And youll feel angry.
Youll feel downright furious.
Furious at the world, furious at the people who dont understand.
Youll feel ripped off, completely deprived of experiences others often take for granted.
Youll get angry when a friend ignores a call from their dad or complains about their nagging mom.
Youll be angry come Fathers Day when you are bombarded with emails and gift lists.
Losing a parent sucks, and you have every right to feel mad.
Its okay for people to know that youre in pain.
But I never felt as though Ineededto, because everyone knew what I was going through.
So, if you want to, tell everyone what youre dealing with.
You dont have to go into detail if thats not in your nature top line is enough.
And unless theyre an absolute ass, they will understand.
People will treat you more gently.
Treat everyone with kindness.
I was always raised to treat everyone with respect and kindness.
To them, I looked like a normal girl going about her day.
Ill always remember the kindness I received when I needed it the most.
Regardless of whether someoneseemsokay, never be the person that adds pain or stress to their already burdened shoulders.
Be the person who helps, calms, warms, and brings joy.
Youll never be the same.
I once read an article that described the golden era in someones life.
The era was described as the period of time when everything is fine in someones life.
Where everything is plodding along as it should be.
Some people are fortunate enough to have their golden era last right through to their 30s or 40s.
And some people have their world turned upside down while theyre still a baby.
These experiences make us stronger.
They can make us kinder, more gentle, and more appreciative of life.
Youll be amazed at your strength.
Youve been incredibly hurt and managed to keep going, and thats something to be amazingly proud of.
The only true healer is time.
The frustrating thing is that we do not have the ability to control time.
But with time, we learn to cope.
The sadness dulls and our happiness slowly comes back.
You might not get closure.
TV shows and movies provide us with a lot of unattainable expectations.
In reality, not everyone comes to terms with their mortality.
Some people stay in denial.
They may not be ready to say goodbye; they may not want to.
A troubled relationship might not be healed, and we may never get closure.
Life is messy, and some things will never be wrapped into a neat, tidy bow.
Try and let this goit cant be changed.
Looking after yourself isnt selfish, its a necessity.
Take some time to be alone or go out with friends or your partner.
Have baths, binge your favorite TV shows, go to your favorite restaurant, read a book.
On a larger scale, book that holiday and escape for a bit of R&R.
Youre going through something horrible, and you deserve to feel a little less shitty, whatever the cost.
You become more aware of special moments, big and small.
When we are reminded that life is fleeting, we learn to appreciate every moment with more poignancy.
We remain present and savor each minute.
I recently traveled around Tasmania with my boyfriend in a campervan for 10 days.
We saw the most beautiful things and went on amazing hikes.
In between, we listened to music, chatted, and simply enjoyed the journey.
We fell asleep to the sound of the waves after parking alongside the beach.
I can remember nearly every moment.
I hardly touched my phone, and I constantly took mental pictures and focused on the present moment.
I wasnt thinking anxious thoughts about the future or regretting moments from the past.
Both are usually a waste of time and energy.
Learn to live the one life youve got.
Grieving is a horrible, arduous process.
And Im so sorry if youre going through it.
Im sorry if youve been through it.
But it does get easier, despite it not feeling possible at first.
Grieving is the hardest thing youll ever have to do.
But you will come out the other end of it.
And if you could do this, you could do anything.
