They show you in the way you catch them in small lies or moments of dishonesty.
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Updated 6 years ago,March 12, 2019
1.
That feeling tugs at you, in an annoying nagging way, and hopes that youll listen.
Timothy Paul Smith
It hopes you recognize that those butterflies in your stomach are actually warnings.
Its not long before the lies and inconsistencies start to stack up.
They werent where they said they were.
They werent who they said they were with.
They stopped responding for hours or days at a time.
They werent doing what they said they were.
That confusion works in their favor.
They tell you not to worry about fixing the broken lock on your door.
Youre afraid to talk because youre unsure of what they might latch on to or become defensive over.
You dont want to come off as clingy or misunderstanding or needy.
So you sit and wait in a silence.
Somehow, that silence is blaring and suffocating.
You think:Why did you disappear for three days?
How did you forget we had plans?
You tell yourself that if you were a different person, this wouldnt be a problem.
This wouldnt be so difficult.
When you talk, they think about what they want to say instead of hearing you out.
They nod, they smile, and they change the topic to something other than you.
They show you in the way they dismiss your feelings.You tell them that you feel disconnected.
You tell them that you feel like you cant trust them.
You tell them that you feel anxious and unheard and frustrated and exhausted.
They tell you youre being unfair.
They tell you its silly to feel that way and you just need to be more grateful.
They tell you youre over-analyzing the situation, and it doesnt make sense to feel this way.
They wave it off.
They tell you Im sorry you feel that way, and they shut down.
They tell you:I wouldnt have done it if you hadnt been so untrustworthy.
Ive only been acting this way because youve been weird, controlling, etc.
How did you find out anyway?
Im worried about you.
Youre getting obsessed with trying to catch me in a lie.
Well never make it if you dont trust me.
I trust you, why cant you trust me.You start to believe that they might be right.
That perhaps if you could change, this would all get better.
They pad the truth with white lies that make it sound better.
But their words dont match their actions.
They say they love you, but they are never there when you need them.
They say they care about you, but they constantly put their needs far ahead of yours.
They say they appreciate you, but over and over again they take advantage of your niceness.
And you let them because of your aching need to be loved and your tendency to put yourself last.
They show you in the way they ignore your boundaries and do what they want instead.You compromise.
You say it’s possible for you to do this, but youre not comfortable with that.
And they push until you bend.
You feel weak-willed, and you wonder why you even bother putting up boundaries in the first place.
You wonder what is so wrong with the relationship that you cant make it work.
And if this is what love is, do you really even want it?
You lie there in bed next to them and you think, this is not me.
This is not my home.
This is not okay.
And they dont see it.
They brush you off as if youre moody.
They tell you to lighten up.
They tell you to get some help.
In the way that they blame you.
In the way that they accept no responsibility for any of it.
