Anyone with a good sense of humor will appreciate them.
Just be careful with who you decide to approach at parties.
Contents
Funny, Dirty Pick-Up Lines
1.Hey girl, is your name winter?
Because youll be coming soon.
2.Are you a haunted house?
Because Im going to scream when Im in you.
3.Can you do telekinesis?
Because youve made a part of me move without even touching it.
4.One of my friends told me girls hate oral, do you wanna help me prove him wrong?
5.Are you a drill sergeant?
Because you have my privates standing at attention.
6.Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore my face should be among them.
7.Do you like to draw?
Because I put the D in Raw.
8.Want to see if you could add has an awesome gag reflex to your resume?
9.Do you want to commit a sin for your next confessional?
10.The FBI wants to steal my penis.
Can I hide it inside you?
11.Im not into watching sunsets, but Id love to see you go down.
12.Do you have any Italian in you?
Would you like some?
13.I dont think I want your babies, but I wouldnt mind refining my baby making technique with you.
First well get hammered, then Ill nail you.
16.Your smile is almost as big, warm, and lovely as my penis.
17.Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.
18.If its true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.
19.Are you a raisin?
Because youre raisin my dick.
20.Id love to kiss those beautiful, luscious lips.
And the ones on your face.
21.Im a bird watcher and Im looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher.
Have you seen one?
22.Do you run track?
Because I heard you Relay want this dick.
23.Tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes.
24.Someone vacuum my lap, I think this girl needs a clean place to sit.
25.Are you a pirate?
Because I have a lot of semen waiting for you.
Hilariously Smooth Pick Up Lines
26.Was your dad a baker?
Because youve got a nice set of buns.
27.Are you a shark?
Because Ive got some swimmers for you to swallow.
28.I lost my keys… Can I check your pants?
29.Are you a doctor?
Because you just cured my erectile dysfunction.
30.Do you like whales?
Because we can go hump back at my place.
31.Do you believe in karma?
Because I know some good karma-sutra positions.
32.When I saw you, I lost my tongue.
Can I put yours in my mouth?
33.Do you have a shovel?
Because Im digging that ass.
34.I hope you like dragons, because Ill be dragon my balls across your face tonight.
35.Are you an archaeologist?
Because Ive got a bone for you to examine.
36.Did you just come out of the oven?
37.Do you work at Home Depot?
Because youre giving me wood.
38.Is that a keg in your pants?
Because Id love to tap that ass.
39.Are you my new boss?
Because you just gave me a raise.
40.You are so selfish.
Youre going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night.
41.Hi, Im wasted but this condom in my pocket doesnt have to be.
42.Let me insert my plug into your socket and we can generate some electricity.
43.If Im a pain in your ass… We can just add more lubricant.
44.Do you know your ABCs?
Cause I wanna give you the 4th letter of the alphabet.
45.What has four legs and doesnt have the most beautiful girl on it?
Want to fix that?
46.Your legs are like an Oreo Cookie.
I wanna split them and eat all the good stuff in the middle.
47.I lost my virginity.
Can I have yours?
48.Are you a cowgirl?
Because I can see you riding me.
49.Are you the lottery lady on TV?
Because Im picturing you holding up my balls.
50.Do you mix concrete for a living?
Because youre making me hard.
52.Are you a farmer?
Because youve got some big, round, beautiful melons.
53.Do you need a stud in your life?
Cause I got the STD and all I need is U.
54.Fuck me if Im wrong, but dinosaurs still exist right?
55.Thats a beautiful smile, but itd look even better if it was all you were wearing.
56.Are you a racehorse?
Because when I ride youll always finish first.
57.Did you grow up on a chicken farm?
Because you sure know how to raise a cock.
Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.
59.Are you a tortilla?
Because I want to flip you over and eat you out.
60.you might call me cake, because Ill go straight to your ass.
61.What is a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?
62.Are you flappy bird?
Because I could tap you all night.
63.Do you work for UPS?
I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.
64.Call me leaves, because you should be blowing me.
65.I just popped a Viagra.
So weve got about 30 minutes to get back to your place.
66.Hey, you wanna do a 68?
You go down on me, and Ill owe you one.
67.You know what I like in a girl?
68.Would you like to try an Australian kiss?
It is just like a French kiss, but down under.
69.Are you a trampoline?
Because I want to bounce on you.
70.As long as I have a face, youll have a place to sit.
71.I may not go down in history, but Ill go down on you.
72.Remember my name, because youll be screaming it later.
73.Why pay for a bra when I would gladly hold your boobs up all day for free?
74.Pizza is my second favorite thing to eat in bed.
75.You should sell hotdogs, because you already know how to make a wiener stand.
77.There will only be 7 planets left after I destroy Uranus.
78.Your place or mine?
Ill flip a coin.
Head at my place, tail at yours.
79.Do you work at Subway?
Because you just gave me a footlong.
Because omelette you suck this dick.
82.If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?
83.You must be Medusa because you make me rock hard.
84.Do you go to church often?
Because youre gonna be on your knees tonight.
85.My dicks been feeling a little dead lately.
Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth?
86.Is your name Dora?
Because Ill let you explore this dick.
87.I would tell you a joke about my penis, but its too long.
88.If I was a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seed?
89.Are your legs made of Nutella?
Because Id love to spread them.
90.Let us let only latex stand between our love.
91.Are you a sea lion?
Because I can sea you lion in my bed tonight.
92.I wanna floss with your pubic hair.
93.I have a big headache.
I hear the best cure for headaches is sex.
What do you say we go upstairs and work out a remedy?
94.I may not be a windshield repairman, but I can still fill your crack in.
95.That dress looks great on you… as a matter of fact, so would I.
96.Im like Dominos Pizza.
If I dont come in 30 minutes, the next one is free.
98.Whats the difference between a Ferrari and an erection?
I dont have a Ferrari.
99.Why dont you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight?
100.Id like to use your thighs as earmuffs.
102.Do you have pet insurance?
Because your pussys getting smashed tonight.
103.If I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head?
104.Im a freelance gynecologist.
How long has it been since your last checkup?
105.My dick just died.
Would you mind if I buried it in your ass?
106.Are you my homework?
Cause Im not doing you but I definitely should be.
107.Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.
108.Are those jeans Guess?
111.Im an astronaut and my next mission is to explore Uranus.
112.Let me guess your favorite position: anything that involves my balls bouncing against your ass.
113.Girl are you an iceberg?
Because youre making me want to go down.
114.I can see into the future, and yeah, were gonna fuck at least once.
115.Can you tell me what time your legs open, hey?
116.Smile if you want to have sex with me.
117.My couch pulls out but I dont.
118.Are you butt dialing?
Because I swear that ass is calling me.
119.Do you like cherries?
If not, can I have yours?
120.I wish you were soap so I could feel you all over me.
121.If you were an elevator, what button would I have to push to get you to go down?
122.Youre so hot even my zipper is falling for you.
123.I want to wear you like a pair of sunglasses… One leg over each ear.
you could be the door then I can slam you all I want.
125.You know how your hair would look really good?
127.If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
128.You know, if I were you, Id have sex with me.
129.We should play strip poker.
you could strip and Ill poke you.
131.Ill kiss you in the rain so you get twice as wet.
132.My magical watch says youre not wearing any panties?
Darn, it must be an hour fast.
133.I hope youre a plumber, because youve got my pipe leaking.
Ill be Ken and you might be the box I come in.
135.Liquor is not the only hard thing around here.
136.What time do you get off?
137.So youre not into casual sex?
Fine, Ill put on a tux and we can call it formal sex.
138.Excuse me, but does my tongue taste funny to you?
139.Youre on my list of things to do tonight.
140.I want you to be the girl who takes my virginity.
141.What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk?
142.Your clothes are making me uncomfortable; hey take them off.
143.Are you related to Dracula?
Because you looked a little thirsty when you were looking at me.
Im sorry Ill have to rip it apart.
145.I bet your nipples are pink.
Mind if I take a look?
146.Bet I can touch your belly button… from the inside.
147.Want to save water by showering together?
148.Im an adventurer and I want to explore your cave.
149.Lets play a game.
The fastest person to take their clothes off wins.
152.Treat me like a pirate and give me that booty.
153.I may not have gotten your virginity, but can I at least have the box it came in?
154.Sit on my face and Ill eat my way to your heart.
155.Im a mindreader and yes I will sleep with you.
156.I like my coffee how I like my woman… creamed.
157.How about you get on your knees and smile like a donut.
158.I wanna put my thingy into your thingy.
159.You look so good, I wanna kiss your lips and move up to your bellybutton.
160.Lets go to my place and do the things Ill tell everyone we did anyway.
162.Want to go halves on a baby?
163.Im like a Rubiks Cube, the more you play with me the harder I get.
164.I know a great way to burn off the calories in that drink.
165.Am I on an episode ofFixer Upper?
Because Ive never seen hardwood like that in real life.
166.My doctor told me I have a Vitamin D deficiency.
Wanna go back to my place and save me?
167.Are you a supermarket sample?
Because I wanna taste you again and again without any sense of shame.
168.They say that kissing is a language of love, so would you mind starting a conversation with me?
169.Im just like a pore strip.
Hard to get off, but extremely satisfied once you do.
170.Youre just like a wine tasting.
They say to spit, but I always prefer swallowing.
171.I was feeling off today, but you definitely turned me on.
173.Hi, Im a burglar… and Im going to smash your back door in.
174.Im a zombie, can I eat you out?
I work in orifices, got any openings?
177.Your ass is pretty tight, want me to loosen it up?
178.I think my allergies are acting up.
Because every time your around my dick swells up.
179.Ive just received government funding for a four-hour expedition to find your G-spot.
180.Im no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bed rock.
181.Lie down on that couch and pretend your legs hate each other.
182.Do you know the difference between my penis and a chicken wing?
Well, lets go on a picnic and find out.
183.Lets go to my place and do some math.
Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply.
184.Youre like my pinky toe, Im gonna bang you on every piece of furniture in my home.
185.Do you know why they call me the cat whisperer?
Because I know exactly what your pussy needs.
186.Your face is like a wrench, every time I look at it my balls tighten up.
187.Ill be Burger King and you be McDonalds.
Ill have it my way and youll be lovin it.
188.Are you a sprinkler?
Because youre making me wet.
189.Is it hot in here?
Or is it just you?
190.Are you a stack of dirty dishes?
Because I want to get you wet and do you all night long.
