No one realizes how bad an emotionally abusive relationship actually is.
In the relationship, you dont see the negative effect it has on you.
But narcissists drain anyone of any good energy or any good intentions one might have.
God & Man
You looked at who you wanted him to be rather than who he actually was.
You walk away realizing all the love in the world cant change someone.
And giving someone everything you have doesnt mean they will love you back.
Every conversation came back to him.
If you counted how many times he used the word I, youd roll your eyes.
These types of guys care about one thing and one thing only and thats themselves.
Things always had to be his way.
There was nonegotiating or compromisewhat he said went and there were no questions asked.
He manipulated and controlled you.
It was the little things he said and how he said them.
He knew exactly how youd react and he got entertainment out of watching.
He was like a puppeteer pulling every one of your strings.
The rules never applied to him.
He was above that.
He thought he could get away with anything.
And most the time when someone has that attitude they do because no one cares enough to stop them.
He cared a lot about his reputation.
He cared about what people thought of him.
He liked controlling the narrative.
He would lie to protect himself.
Lie to protect his reputation.
And he didnt care who he hurt if it meant making himself look good.
He constantly blamed you for things.
Nothing was ever his fault.
When he lost it on you screaming, it was because you did something to cause it.
Had you not done whatever you did, he wouldnt have reacted that way.
If ever you made a mistake hed come back saying, if I did it.
But it was easier to play the blame game then take responsibility.
He deserved things because of who he was not because of how hard he worked.
And with that pompous attitude, he often got everything he wanted taking it with a coy smile.
He thought a little too highly of himself.
If you straight up asked him hed say something like hes, is the best.
He thrived on negativity.
One conversation with him (which was probably about him) wasnt one you walked away motivated.
But it drained you.
Thats what narcists do, they take any positive energy you might have and fuel themselves turning you negative.
He had two very different sides to him.
He was charming and charismatic when you were out with groups.
He always knew how to sell himself and he did it well.
But behind closed doors, once the night ended his personality changed.
He was overly sensitive when it came to any criticism.
He could tell you how to improve.
Often giving advice you didnt even ask for.
He always made up excuses for his behavior.
He was the king of making up excuses.
He couldnt be here because of XYZ.
He never understood the word no.
With him, there was always drama.
There was always this cloud ofnegativity around himand around you when he was in your life.
Nothing was ever simple or easy but exhausting.
He constantly needed to be validated or needed to prove himself.
Validation was achieved through accomplishments and getting somewhere.
His motives werent pure and wanting to do well for himself but rather to brag about what he did.
He strived for perfection.
There is no such thing as failing.
He never allowed it.
This made you feel inferior trying to keep up but always feeling like you werent good enough.
He lacked empathy and understanding.
When you tried to tell him about something that upset you he couldnt relate.
He had the inability ability to see things from your perspective.
Even when you were the one in need, he somehow made the conversation about himself.
It was almost like he couldnt hear you.
He pushed you away when you got too close.
A narcissist has such high walls.
He learned at a young age thats a sign of weakness.
Narcissists will never let you get that close out of fear of getting hurt.
He knocked you down just to build you back up.
The person who broke you cant be the one to fix you.
But he got some sort of enjoyment out of playing both roles.
He always brought up the past.
Even when he said he forgave you, hed bring up something from so long ago.
They hoard blackmail inside themselves ready to use it at any point they feel like.
He was emotionally abusive.
No one realizes how bad an emotionally abusive relationship actually is.
Not when youre used to it.
Not when you think you love this person.
You begin to make up excuses for this behavior.
You begin to justify it.
You blame yourself and really start to believe some of the things he tells you.
And this relationship is a sick cycle that doesnt end because he doesnt allow it too.
He thrives from your weakness.
And every time youve walked away, youve always come back.
He changed what you thought love was.
He made you believe he was the only one who would love you.
But his definition of love was someone simply loving him without having to reciprocate it properly.
They fail to know what love is themselves because they dont have the ability when they push it away.
You cant find love without empathy and vulnerability.
