The best list of kids jokes to tell.
Kids love jokes and we want to make kids smile!
Tell one of these to produce smiles.
Austin Pacheco
By
Updated 2 months ago,March 4, 2025
Who doesnt like a good pun or knock-knock joke?
Here are some funny kids jokes that will surely make them giggle.
Our Favorite Jokes for Kids
How are false teeth like stars?They come out at night!
How do they answer the phone at the paint store?Yellow!
Can February March?No, but April May.
What time do you go to the dentist?Tooth-Hurty!
How do billboards talk?Sign language.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?You look for fresh prints.
What did the left eye say to the right eye?Between us, something smells!
Whats blue and smells like red paint?Blue paint.
What kind of music do balloons hate?Pop.
Why cant you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?Because the P is silent.
What did Aquaman say to his kids when they wouldnt eat their food?
Water you waiting for?
How does Darth Vader like his toast?On the dark side.
Whats red and bad for your teeth?A brick.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital?He was feeling really crumbie!
Why do bowling pins have such a hard life?Theyre always getting knocked down.
Why kind of bug is in the FBI?A SPY-der.
What did Jack say to Jill after they rolled down the hill?
I think I spilled the water.
What has ears but cannot hear?A cornfield.
What do you call it when your nose is stuffy at the rodeo?Cowboy Boogie.
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window?Because he wanted to see time fly.
Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?To make up for his miserable summer.
When does a doctor get mad?When he runs out of patients!
Why cant Elsa have a balloon?Because she will let it go.
What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account?Primemates!
Why did the man put his money in the freezer?He wanted cold hard cash!
What kind of jewelry do rabbits wear?14 carrot gold.
What do lawyers wear to court?Lawsuits!
Why did the picture go to jail?Because it was framed.
Why was the broom late?It over swept!
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey…… but then I turned myself around.
Why couldnt the pirate play cards?He was sitting on the deck!
Whats the difference between a TV and a newspaper?Ever tried swatting a fly with a TV?
Why cant your nose be 12 inches long?Because then it would be a foot.
What did one elevator say to the other elevator?I think Im coming down with something.
Why do bicycles fall over?Because they are two-tired!
How did the barber win the race?He knew a shortcut.
What kind of car does Mickey Mouses wife drive?A Minnie van!
Why did the man run around his bed?To catch up on his sleep.
Who lives in the White House?The president.
Why shouldnt you trust stairs?Because they are always up to something.
Whats the one thing will you get every year on your birthday, guaranteed?A year older.
What did the dad say to his daughter at the cook out?This grill is on fire!
What is blue, but not heavy?Light blue.
What do you say to a rabbit on its birthday?
What do you call a pounding headache?A temple tantrum!
How does the Easter bunny stay in shape?Lots of eggs-ercise.
When is a door not a door?When its ajar.
What is the best day to visit McDonalds?Fry-Day.
How can you tell if someone is a good farmer?He is outstanding in his field!
Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?Because she was stuffed.
What do you call a boomerang that wont come back?A stick.
What do you call a droid that takes the long way around?R2 detour.
Why did the kid cross the playground?To get to the other slide.
What kind of water cant freeze?Hot water.
Why did the robber jump in the shower?He wanted to make a clean getaway.
How do we know that the ocean is friendly?It waves!
What did one volcano say to the other?
What pop in of tree fits in your hand?A palm tree.
How does a hurricane see?With one eye.
What did the ground say to the earthquake?
You crack me up!
What did the tornado say to the washing machine?Want to go for a spin?
How do two rival forests get along?They sign a peace tree-ty.
What event do spiders love to attend?Webbings.
How can you tell that a tree is a dogwood tree?By its bark!
Why did the pine tree get into trouble?Because it was being knotty.
What is a trees favorite beverage?Root beer!
What washes up on very small beaches?Microwaves!
When is the moon the heaviest?When its full.
What animal is always at a baseball game?A bat.
Why do porcupines always win the game?They have the most points.
What do you cakes and baseball have in common?They both need a batter!
Why did the football coach go to the bank?To get his quarter back.
Why cant basketball players go on vacation?They arent allowed to travel.
Why are hockey players so good at making friends?Theyre quick to break the ice.
Why cant you play soccer in the jungle?Theres too many cheetahs!
Why cant you play hockey with pigs?They always hog the puck.
What kinds of stories do basketball players tell?Tall tales!
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?In case he got a hole in one!
What runs around a baseball field but never moves?The fence!
What did the little corn say to the mama corn?Where is pop corn?
Why was the baby strawberry crying?Because her parents were in a jam.
Why did the banana go to the doctor?Because it wasnt peeling well.
Did you hear about the kid who drank eight sodas?He burped 7-Up.
What do you call a fake noodle?An impasta.
What do you do if you get peanut butter on your doorknob?Use a door jam.
Whats yellow and looks like pineapple?A lemon with a new haircut.
What do you call cheese that isnt yours?Nacho cheese!
Whats the best thing to put into a pie?Your teeth.
Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibition?Because it was cultured.
Whats the most expensive kind of fish?A gold fish.
What kind of vegetable is angry?A steamed carrot!
What room doesnt have doors?A mushroom.
What do you get when you put cheese next to some ducks?Cheese and quackers.
What did one plate say to the other plate?Dinner is on me!
Two pickles fell out of a jar onto the floor.
What did one say to the other?Dill with it.
Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple?Finding half a worm.
Whats a snakes strongest subject in school?Hiss-tory.
Why do we never tell jokes about pizza?Theyre too cheesy.
How do you make a lemon drop?Just let it fall.
What do you call two bananas?Slippers.
What sound do you hear when a cow breaks the sound barrier?Cowboom!
What time do ducks wake up?At the quack of dawn.
Whats a dogs favorite toy?A funny bone!
Two goats were munching on a movie script.Goat 1: This is good!
Goat 2: The book was better.
How do you make an octopus laugh?With ten-tickles!
What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot?A walkie-talkie.
What do you call a dog magician?A labracadabrador.
How do squids get to school?They take an octobus.
Why do birds fly south?Its too far to walk.
What is a cats favorite color?Purrr-ple!
What did Mama cow say to Baby cow?Its pasture bed time.
Why didnt the koala bear get the job?They said she was over-koala-fied.
How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?By the footprints in the butter!
What did the banana say to the dog?Nothing.
What do you call a monkey at the North Pole?Lost.
What do you call a dog that can tell time?A watch dog!
How do you get a squirrel to like you?Act like a nut!
What kind of haircuts to bees get?Buzzzzzcuts.
What do you call a fly with no wings?A walk.
Why did the giraffes get bad grades?She had her head in the clouds.
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a fish?Swimming trunks.
Where would you find an elephant?The same place you lost her!
Where do pencils go on vacation?Pencil-vania.
What time is it when the clock strikes 13?Time to get a new clock.
What did the kid learn about knowledge?It was all-knowing.
What did the paper say to the pencil?Write on!
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?At the bottom.
Why did the student eat his homework?Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake!
What building in New York has the most stories?The public library!
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?Because his class was so bright!
What rock group has four men that dont sing?Mount Rushmore.
What is the smartest state?Alabama, it has 4 As and one B.
What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack?The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.
How does a scientist freshen her breath?With experi-mints!
What was the first animal in space?The cow that jumped over the moon.
What did the mouse say to the keyboard?Youre my bang out!
Why did the young astronaut cry on the moon?Because he missed his mother earth.
How do you throw a party in space?You planet.
Why dont scientists trust atoms?Because they make up everything!
What do you do when an astronauts wife is upset?Give her some space.
What did the astronaut say when he crashed into the moon?I Apollo-gize.
Why did the scientist take out the bell?He wanted to win the no-bell prize.
What is a computers favorite snack?Computer chips!!
What did the limestone say to the geologist?Dont take me for granite!
Did you hear the story about the claustrophobic astronaut?He just needed some space.
Clever Math Jokes for Kids
What do you call guys who love math?Algebros.
It took 10 workers 10 days to build a bridge.
How long would it take 5 workers to build the same bridge?Noneits already built!
Why didnt the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel?Because it had more cents.
Why does nobody talk to circles?Because theres no point.
Why was the equal sign so humble?Because he wasnt greater than or less than anyone else.
Why is the obtuse triangle always so frustrated?Because its never right.
What do you call a student who doesnt like math class?Calcu-hater.
What did the science book say to the math book?Wow, youve got problems.
Where do vampires keep their money?A blood bank.
How do you fix a cracked pumpkin?With a pumpkin patch.
How can you tell a vampire has a cold?She starts coffin.
Why is there a gate around cemeteries?Because people are dying to get in!
What is a scarecrows favorite fruit?A strawberry.
Why did the skeletons cross the road?To get to the body shop!
What is a zombies favorite thing to eat?Brain food.
What do ghosts like to eat in the summer?I Scream.
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses to school?Because her students were so bright.
What candy do you eat on the playground?Recess pieces.
Where do baby ghosts go during the day?Day-scare centers.
What do you call two witches living together?Broommates.
Whats big, scary and has three wheels?A monster on a tricycle.
How do ghosts wash their hair?With sham-boo.
What snack should you make for the Snowman Holiday Party?Ice Krispy Treats.
What falls in winter but never gets hurt?Snow!
What do elves learn in school?The elf-abet.
What do you call an old snowman?Water.
Clause say to Santa when there are clouds in the sky?Looks like rain, deer.
Why do mummies like Christmas so much?Because of all the wrapping!
What kind of music do elves like?Wrap music!
Why didnt the tree get a present?He was knotty.
What do grouchy sheep say during the holidays?Baaaaah humbug!
What happened to the thief who stole a Christmas calendar?He got 12 months.
What does Santa suffer from whenever he gets stuck in a chimney?Santa Claustrophobia.
How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming?He refers to his calen-deer.
What is every parents favorite Christmas carol?Silent Night.
What wears a red suit and goes, Oh, oh, oh?Santa walking backwards.
What did the farmer give his wife for Valentines Day?Hogs and kisses.
What do owls say to declare their love?Owl be yours!
What did one cat say to the other cat on Valentines Day?Dont ever change, youre purrrfect.
What do you call two birds in love?Tweethearts!
How did the phone propose to his GF?He gave her a ring.
What did one bee say to the other?I love bee-ing with you, honey!
What do you call a ghosts true love?His ghoul-friend.
What did Frankensteins monster say to his bride on Valentines Day?Be my Valenstein!
How do you make a tissue dance?You put a little boogie in it.
Why does a pirate wear underwear?To hide his booty!
Whats brown and sticky?A stick.
Why did the cop sit on the toilet?To do his duty.
Why didnt the toilet paper cross the road?It got stuck in the crack.
How did the baby tell her mom that she had a wet diaper?She sent her a pee-mail.
Best Knock-Knock Jokes for Kids
Knock knock!
Cows dont say who, Cows go moooo!
Donut ask me, I just got here.
Manatee would be better than a sweater today, its hot!
A little old lady.
A little old lady who?
I didnt know you could yodel!
Aww, dont cry its just a joke.
Bless you, friend.
Knock, knock
Kanga.
Actually, its kangaroo!
You dont look like a shoe.
Wooden shoe, who?
Wouldnt you like to know!
The interrupting cow
Moo
Cargo.
No, car go beep beep!
Says me, thats who.
Police stop telling these awful jokes.
Crossing The Road Jokes for Kids
Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A: Because the chicken wasnt born yet.
Q: Why didnt the skeleton cross the road?
A: Because he didnt have the guts.
Q: Why did the pillow cross the road?
A: It was picking up the chickens feathers.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: It was trying to get away from the KFC.
Q: Why did the monkey cross the road?
A: Because the chicken retired.
Q: Why did the rooster cross the road?
A: Because he wasnt chicken.
Q: Why did the gum cross the road?
A: It was stuck to the chickens foot.
We hope you enjoyed these funny kid jokes and puns!
Feel free to check out our otherjokespages we want the adults to laugh too!
