I once asked this literary agent what writing paid the best, and he said, ‘ransom notes.’
1.Since Ive become a full-time freelancer, Ive made quite a few sales.
My car, my house, my clothes…
2.What punch in of blood does a proofreader have?
Mike Von
3.Excited by a friends first story sale, one asks what shes going to buy with the money.
I dont know, a candy bar?
4.What do you get when you cross a writer with a deadline?
A really clean house.
5.Whats it like to be an aspiring writer?
Its difficult to put into words.
6.Why are writers always cold?
Theyre surrounded by drafts.
7.How many writers does it take to change a light bulb?Fuck you, Im not changing anything!
8.Whats the difference between a writer and a large cheese pizza?
The pizza can feed a family of three.
9.I once asked this literary agent what writing paid the best, and he said, ransom notes.
10.A writer died and was given the option of going to heaven or hell.
She decided to check out each place first.
As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes.
Oh my, said the writer.
Let me see heaven now.
As they worked, they, too, were whipped with thorny lashes.
Wait a minute, said the writer.
This is just as bad as hell!
Oh no, its not, replied an unseen voice.
Here, your work gets published.
11.Why was the dating coach jealous of the writer?
They found someone even more knowledgeable about rejection.
12.Whats a novice writers favorite position?
13.What do you call a writer with health insurance?
14.What do you get when you cross a writer and a parrot?
A bird that expects 8 cents a word.
15.Whats the leading cause of death among new writers?
16.They say writers are very tolerant people.
My alcohol tolerance and pain tolerance have increased significantly since I started writing.
What a novel idea.
18.What do working in publishing and parenting a toddler have in common?
Reading the same damn book over and over and over.
19.Whats random, disgusting, and will put you on an FBI watch list?
A writers web client history.
20.How do you make a small fortune in publishing?
First you start with a large fortune…
21.A good line edit is its own reword.
I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
23.How many writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
You call Bill, the janitor, and he does it.
Hes written six bestselling novels and won many prestigious awards…
Writer: Whos there?
Writer: who has missed the new deadline after missing previous deadlines Um.
25.Why dont writers stare out of the window in the morning?
Because theyd have nothing to do in the afternoon.
26.Whats a great life tip for writers?
Adding water to the bottle of shampoo makes it last longer.
