See cars driving very slow and very odd in the middle of the night.
Like at store parking lots, churches, closed parks.
Think they might be casing or whatever its odd enough for a casual contact.
Ryan Loughlin
Fucking Pokemon Go every time.
By
Updated 1 year ago,January 16, 2024
These cops fromAsk Reddithave heard it all.
1.One of the funnier ones that I remember.
We got a call for a kid (he was 18 and a gang member) brandishing a firearm.
He had pulled up his shirt pretending to brandish a firearm to intimidate somebody.
The person calling only saw a holster.
After we got there, he kept telling us it wasnt a gun but a dildo.
We took him down at gunpoint and he was right.
He was walking around with a holstered, black dildo.
3.Pulled a guy over who was speeding profusely.
Guy was obviously disheveled.
He said he was headed to the hospital because he had a tick on his penis.
Her reply: It wasnt on it.
It was in it.
Get to scene and I can hear someone yelling and swearing and brawling, doesnt sound good at all.
He told me he was building Ikea furniture sounds like the most bullshit thing.
But, we enter, see the new IKEA furniture half set up and no one else is home.
5.Recently, in College football, a Georgia Southern player got in trouble for possession of cocaine.
He claimed it was bird poop.
It was bird poop.
6.My wifes dad was a fire investigator.
He was investigating a house that got burned down.
Later my wifes dad found a burnt up turtle with wax on it.
7.Had a friend that got pulled over for speeding.
Cop asked why, friend said he had to shit.
Cop didnt believe him, friend shits pants in front of officer and got a warning.
I distinctly saw the distinctive spray of sparks from the area of the passenger side rear wheel.
I reminded him I have a dashboard camera, and asked if he wished to revise his story.
I leaned in and noted no smell of tobacco.
I went back to my car and reviewed the video.
I cut him loose and told him to drive safely.
Like at store parking lots, churches, closed parks.
Think they might be casing or whatever its odd enough for a casual contact.
Fucking Pokemon Go every time.
10.Had an unemployed guy on video giving large sums of cash money to an employed guy.
I knew unemployed guy had recently robbed a place and had lots of cash on hand.
He says he recently won the lottery and was helping dude out.
Just to cover bases, I went to lottery department to verify if he had any winnings.
Dude had won $5k shortly after the robbery.
Still had enough evidence to convict on robbery though.
11.I pulled over a guy and arrested him for an active warrant and a suspended license.
This guy was a known drug user so I made the assumption he put drugs up his rear end.
I then asked him the obvious question Do you have dope up your butt.
He denied at first.
After telling him that it would be recovered at the jail, which would lead to additional charges.
He then let me know he had a Plug up his butt.
While handcuffed he removed a 13 inch dildo from his rectum and attempted to hand it to me.
While at the jail I had 1 question, Why?
12.I had a heroin addict who I arrested for a warrant.
When I asked her what it was, she started laughing.
She told me to test it because it wasnt heroin.
I tested it and sure enough, the test came back negative.
She explained to me that inside the container was the ashes of her dead cat.
Her friends have been snorting or shooting up some of her dead cat.
While frisking one of the vehicles occupants, he discovered a little baggie containing a pale, crystalline-looking substance.
I dont know about the mom part, but he wasnt lying about the substance being peanuts.
14.I got a call of a domestic violence argument in progress.
Arrive with back up and stage.
We hear a male yelling and crying at his wife.
He refuses to answer the door so we kicked it in.
We dump the house and find him in bed.
The wife is nowhere to be seen.
He is still all worked up and crying.
We finally get him to focus on us and ask where his wife went.
He pulls back the covers and shows us her urn.
He just brought her home from the cremation!
15.My cousin was a cop who pulled someone over speeding at night.
Hes got his flashlight out for visibility.
Starts the standard traffic stop routine.
Guy isnt cooperating at all, not being an asshole, just not cooperating.
Cousin asks him again for papers.
Guy points to the side of his own head and just _()/ .
Then the guy finally decides its time to say Im deaf!
In the mwoppiest deaf guy voice imaginable.
Deaf guy explains he reads lips, but the flashlight was blinding him.
Cousin verifies this somehow (license restriction?)
and the guy was in fact deaf.
16.I went to a burglary a couple of years ago at about 1am.
Found a guy about half a mile up the road hanging around so I ask what hes up to.
He was quite shifty and vague and just said the classic waiting for a friend line.
How they managed to get the Deer and dress them up is still a mystery to this day.
18.Popped a college kid for shitty driving and pulled a hundred grams of weed off of him.
Also, a 1lb glass pipe shaped like a huge nail.
Also find weed under the other college kids in the car.
Driver falls on the sword and tells me all of it is his and lets his friends walk free.
I like this kid.
.
Ask kid if hes dealing addies at school.
Tell him Im aware of the prescription pill epidemic.
Kid seems like a pretty good dude.
I decided to take the x-files approach.
Supervisor tells me pursue charges for dealing… blah blah blah.
I tell the kid he has one chance to prove hes telling the truth.
Shows me the broken glass under his drivers seat from a vehicle burglary.
Gotta do better.
Supervisors telling me to hurry and and drop the axe.
Tell him to do better.
He calls one of the soccer team assistants up and we meet him in the locker room.
Shows me the little wooden locker which has a broken lock.
Assistant coach tells me they have replaced the lock on his cabinet three times.
Campus security has numerous reports of medicine theft from this kid.
I call supervisor up and tell him I have no grounds to pursue delivery charges.
I end up talking to his best friend breaking up a house party a couple months later.
Friend thanked me and told me his buddy spoke well of me.
I felt bad for the kid.
19.I used to work as a military police officer.
I immediately flip a 180 and light him up.
Recognize the guy as a local homeless dude with some prior burglary/theft arrests.
I walk up and just open with Dude, come on…
Guy holds his hands out and swears he didnt steal the lawnmower.
Claims someone just gave it to him.
I ask who, and he doesnt know a name.
So I demand he tell me where to find said lawnmower owner.
I pick the second of the three streets, and start down it.
Halfway down, I see an average looking house and go ehh, Ill try this one.
After all, its midnight and this is a wild goose chase.
Go up, ring the doorbell…middle aged dude comes to the door.
Hello sir, have you been giving away lawnmowers to random sketchy homeless guys at midnight today?
As a matter of fact, he had.
I drove back in shock and amazement.
Apologized to homeless guy, and sent him on his way.
I verified his SSN and Birth Record and sure as shit he was telling the truth.
22.During a search of a person I pulled out a bag of a sticky dark substance consistent with heroin.
The subject had multiple drug priors and is a known heavy heroin user.
He immediately tells me it is burnt sugar and he is pissed someone sold it to him.
Long story short when i tested the substance it did not test positive for heroin.
24.My department frequently had to deal with this male escort who kept getting released in work release programs.
No joke we caught this guy giving out handjobs in broad daylight at stoplights.
Yes he had mentioned his hip hop career to us earlier, no I never got his soundcloud link.
Dude was telling the truth about his record deal.
We definitely upgraded our travel arrangements after apologizing for not believing him.
Little shit still gives us regular trouble of course.
25.My partner and I arrested a fella one evening on a warrant.
The guy is a known drug user, and inside the container is a crushed white powder.
One would assume he is concealing drugs.
We take him, and the container, to the station for testing.
We start with cocaine…nope.
meth, MDMA, X, opiods… all no.
(Keep in mind that testing requires a small sample everytime).
Finally I just ask him, what is in the metal container on your keys…
He pauses…then starts losing his mind.
Those are my deceased fathers ashes I keep with me.
EVERY ounce better be there…
I slink out of the room and run over to the other officer.
He was not very happy needless to say.
26.In 2009 I stopped a guy for speeding and give the whole introduction.
I asked him if he had a legal reason to speed.
He said, I think my kid has H1N1!
My first thought was…. suuuuuuure buddy.
I looked in the back seat and saw the kid looked horrible.
I didnt even question it.
I told him to get the hell to the hospital.
We were only a few miles away from one.
Get there, partner and I found the kids and ask them what theyre doing.
We tell them to get out of there and they didnt argue.
My partner looks at me and goes You know I kinda want to see if there is a camel.
Was an interesting night.
If I ever see him we are going to have a long talk.
I completely forgot it was there and just froze.
I was behind a vehicle that couldnt stay in the lane, kept swerving, etc.
It was 1am, and I think another drunk idiot on the road.
Pull him over, guy is a straight up asshole to me.
Cursed me out, yelling at me, and I notice his speech is slurred.
I ask him how much he had to drink and he tells me to fuck off.
I called EMS to come check him, blood sugar was at 40.
Not drunk, just a diabetic.
If I would have arrested him, he probably would of died before I finished the paperwork.
Go with your gut if something doesnt seem right!
