We work on acceptance and tolerance of others.
I also recommend my couples are also in individual therapy on their own.
When I experience true contempt from one in the relationship I know it is usually over.
Hannah Skelly
Look towards a peaceful ending at that point if possible.
Almost like theyre complaining to a parent or boss to have them sort out the problems.
5.Couples in a tit for tat arrangement.
For example: I cheated so you’re able to have one night to cheat with whomever.
Or I violated your trust and did drugs, you might go out and do whatever for one night.
It erodes trust and compounds the hurt.
6.An affair that wont end.
7.Control to an excessive amount.
8.Overbearing parents and in-laws.
9.Its very easy to work out when one person knowingly prioritizes their own wants and needs over their partners.
Relationships like this are often doomed because the person simply doesnt care enough to make any meaningful change.
10.Constant, needless escalation.
When I dont think we need this expensive thing is escalated to you dont really love me major problem.
It shows up quickly in therapy if youre watching for it.
Its a red flag because it illustrates their lack of self-awareness and poor communication skills.
Each party gets a chance to share how the others actions make them feel.
Then they each propose their solutions and identify where they made assumptions or where they got triggered and why.
Then they identify where theyre willing to compromise.
IMO everything can go to shit, but once communication stagnates youre in real trouble.
So even if youre arguing youre still doing ok, you just need to work on how youre communicating.
13.The biggest one I notice is respect.
Which leads to my second red flag, lack of communication.
In broader terms, when a couple isnt honest with each other about their sexual history.
Deal with it now.
17.In my experience strong healthy relationships are built on two very important qualities: trust and respect.
Love is not included in these qualities because love is not a determiner of a strong/healthy relationship.
Dysfunctional relationships are still possible among people who love each other.
And loving someone isnt the only reason to stay with a person.
Without respect and trust most relationships are doomed to struggle or fail.
For the couples that Ive worked with I always assess whether or not trust and respect are present.
And then build treatment goals around seeing if it is possible to develop those qualities.
If they are not willing or able, then in most cases those relationships are likely to end.
18.When one person is entirely dependent on the other, especially at a relatively young age.
I mean financially and emotionally.
Very unhealthy, and a huge red flag.
Always ends in a painful and messy breakup.
19.Spouses who dont sleep together without a justifiable reason.
Lack of intimacy, both sexual and non-sexual, will lead to the two drifting apart.
The old he/she is just afriend.
21.One that initially surprised me: Were staying together for the kids.
If the kids are really the priority, either learn to fix the relationship or end it.
22.Complete disrespect and true contempt with each other.
Yet refusing to accept their relationship is over.
24.Active physical abuse and each person admitting it and trying to be OK with it.
25.Partners refusing to listen.
Absolutely deafening themselves to certain explicit statements.
Either the conflict will continue indefinitely, or come to an end.
Not just my opinion.
The research supports this.
29.When a partner raises objections to meeting with me individually.
Occasionally Ill have partners who suddenly become very critical or suspicious about this.
It goes beyond curiosity or simply inquiring about practice.
There is an incredulous and almost panicked tone to it.
And sure enough, Every.
They turn out to be some variation of controlling, manipulative, abusive.
