“You’d look better if you smiled.”
“You’d look better if you showered.”
1.Why dont you get a REAL job?
Henrique Félix
Now if I did that, what would you have to bitch and be mad about?
2.Rude lady to gay cashier: Sorry I dont speak gay.
Cashier: Dont worry, Im fluent in bitch.
4.Rude customer: I dont like (insert literally anything here), is Owner in?
Me: (overly excited) OMG SAME I know him too!
Hes not here but Im the manager on today so Ill help you out.
5.Not me, but my manager.
Woman comes in every Sunday… and complains every Sunday.
This past time, she said, I wont be coming back.
And he goes, Alright, Ill see you next week.
6.I had an older couple once and the husband asked me if I was stupid.
I told him I was stupid enough to not come back to his table and walked away.
Owner of store: Great, I doubt you have many.
8.Me: Welcome, how are you two doing tonight?
Customer: (without even looking at me) Ill have a beer and appetizer.
Me: Im doing great, thank you.
What can I get you tonight?
Guy actually stopped and looked me in the eye and apologized for being rude.
9.Youd look better if you smiled.
Youd look better if you showered.
Dude used to say this to me every God damned time I saw him.
Not once after that.
10.Can I talk to the manager?
I am the manager.
11.Worked at mcd in my teens.
The check was for ~80$ and she was a consistently good server.
She had enough bs that day.
15.Had a customer complaining about arbitrary, unfixable things who said: I wont be coming back here.
Waitress: Thats what you said last time!
Had a guy whistling to get my attention.
I asked him if he lost his dog.
Because you whistle at dogs not people.
Maybe not witty but felt amazing at the time.
17.Italian customer at a steakhouse in the US: My pasta wasnt quite Al Dente.
19.Not me, but a friend.
About a year later, that customer walked in and said:
I cant believe youre still here!
And John responded, I cant believe you came back!
20.My favorite recently was them calling for my supervisor to try and whine and get their way.
I say, Good idea, lets get Jack over here so HE can tell you how youre wrong.
21.I work at a New York style pizza place but its in North Carolina.
A customer came in and ordered a slice of pizza.
This is how the conversation went.
Customer: Is this really a New York slice?
It was pretty awesome.
22.I had one of those women that complain about their food hoping to get it comped which she did.
But then she asked for a to-go box.
I should have refused to give her the box but I was new so I boxed it for her.
No tip of course.
My response was always the same:
Are you making music or did you need something?
Use your words, asshats.
Im not your dog.
24.Im never coming back here again!
We dont want you back here.
25.Id watch out if I were you, I know your manager.
I know him too, so what?
26.Worked part-time at a thrift store.
Got cursed out by a customer yelling, Why dont you get a REAL job?!
Replied with: Why dont you go yell at a real store?
in the most tired, deadpan voice.
This happened a few times.
27.Had a girl ordering a Pina Colada and then complaining about the coconut.
She didnt like coconut.
So I got her another drink and she goes: What are you going to do with that one?
Will you throw it away?
I just looked at her, told her that I do like coconut and took a sip.
28.Had a customer harassing me over a product he bought and wanted to return.
No receipt, over the return date, claimed he paid for it in cash.
I told him that the return policy was within 30 days and he had to have a receipt.
Him: Youre just paid to say that.
Me: As a matter of fact, I am paid to say that.
Thats how jobs work.
Never saw his scamming ass again.
29.Lady snapping fingers to student employee: Tell me where the Marriott Center is.
Employee snapping back: retry.
Well Ill just go to (competitors name)!
Would always reply with exact directions: Great they are a block north, on the right side.
You cant miss em.
