I ran over a snake in the road.
Those poor snake babies.
My husband was just like, “What?”
Fallon Michael
which made the snot bubbles intensify.
The kicker: I hate snakes.
Enjoy these funny pregnancy stories.
2.Wife wanted McDonalds pickles.
Not Vlasic, not DelMonte, not even Burger King but friggin MCDONALDS pickles.
So I went to the McDs down the street and asked to buy like a pound of pickles.
She goes and gets the manager.
I tell him the wife is pregnant and I cant go back without McDonalds pickles.
He goes in the back, comes out with an unopened tub of pickles and says, Congratulations.
Best McDs experience ever.
3.When I was pregnant with my first child my husband and I stopped at the store for Krispy Kremes.
The creme filled chocolate covered ones.
I proceeded to get a bakers dozen and hop back in the car.
Driving the 5 minutes home, my husband ate one of my donuts.
I full out bawled, snot running and tears almost blinding me as I was driving.
Because I wanted to eat all the donuts.
4.My low point was when I was in Costco and had to throw up immediately.
I ran to the nearest garbage can which happened to be close to a lady giving out samples.
I was immediately surrounded by people trying to ask if I was okay.
I was trying to tell people between heaves that I was just pregnant.
The sample lady was super nice though and told me just to ditch the cart and go.
I havent been back to Costco since.
and I would start laughing.
Then I wouldnt be able to stop laughing.
Then Id start to cry.
Then Id start to hysterically sob and laugh AT THE SAME TIME.
All my husband could do was rub my back and help me wait it out and give me tissues.
Every time, all I could say was, This is so confusing, Im so confused!
6.I suddenly burp all the time.
Just little ones though.
I was so constipated, I only pooped once a week.
And when that day came every week, it was bad.
Like coke can sized poop that clogged the toilet bad.
2 after I went.
It was so embarrassing but such a necessity.
8.This was about three weeks ago, so 32ish weeks along.
Im sitting here looking up baby stuff on the internet and hes playing a game.
And for some reason, I just got into this terrible, foul mood.
No reason at all.
So he looks at me and can tell somethings off.
I storm into the living room and just start bawling.
He comes in: Baby what did I do, whats wrong?
and Im just like, NOTHINGAnd hes like, No really, tell me, whats wrong?
and I just blurt out, LITERALLY NOTHING IS WRONG, MY HORMONES HATE ME.
My husband then proceeds to start laughing, and I then start laugh-crying.
Couldnt figure out which one I wanted to do.
9.I was traveling and lived in this communal housing where you had to share a bath.
I kept waking up too late and leaving a urine trail from my room to the bathroom.
I decided to go and get a bunch of plastic Tupperware bowls and urinate in there.
Husband comes in, tries to help me with snoogle, also cant figure it out.
At this point my hormones are so raging Im snot crying about the snoogle.
Dog pukes on the snoogle immediately.
I then start hysterically laughing while also sobbing.
Cant turn it off.
Husband is terrified of me, slowly walks away while I sob and laugh.
11.I sneezed at work in a dress and peed myself in front of my coworkers.
That was a fun one.
13.The one that still makes me laugh at myself?
Husband and I used to drive about a half an hour to church every week.
So for the first few weeks of spring there were these purple flowers down the median of the highway.
Not planted flowers, the little weedy kind that just pop up.
At some point the roads department made their rounds and mowed the median down this long highway.
14.I was 8 or 9 months pregnant, and my fiance had made me a baked potato.
But he cut it wrong.
I made myself not cry because I knew it was stupid and he was trying.
Every single bite of that potato I had to will back tears.
Because it was cut wrong.
I was only 3 months pregnant so I decided I shouldnt be celebrating it.
But fucking assholes insisted on calling or texting me it.
Spent most of the day in my room cussing my phone out.
16.I ran over a snake in the road.
Those poor snake babies.
My husband was just like, What?
which made the snot bubbles intensify.
The kicker: I hate snakes.
And they dont even live in families!
17.I wanted to make french fries…
Wanted them so badly!!
I came back to get them and yeah…
I had stuck the cookie sheet in the freezer and not the oven.
I cried so hard.
18.Was folding laundry a few weeks in while watching TV.
A Cottonelle commercial with the puppies came on and two seconds later Im on all fours sobbing.
I went downstairs and my husband thought something was wrong with the baby.
Laundry and fictional happy puppies just dont mix for a preggo.
19.Birthday cake Oreos were my downfall.
I bought them and hated them!
Sobbed about how Oreo had let me down.
Im sure my husband thought I was insane.
20.My first pregnancy my husband took me to an aquarium.
We left one of those shark tunnels and there was another one straight ahead.
So I started walking towards it and noticed a woman wearing the same shirt as me.
Then my husband comes up to me and says, Honey thats a mirror.
22.Around 8 months preggo, my husband and I went out to eat at Chilis.
I was famished enough to order something Id never tried before, but it looked good.
When I got it, I took a bite and it was inedible!
Mind you, there was nothing wrong with the dish except that I didnt like it.
All I could do was look at my husband, who quickly told the waitress what was wrong.
23.Was at a baseball game and they announced a local philanthropist had passed away.
I didnt know this person but I cried so hard and everyone was looking at me a little strangely.
24.My boyfriend wanted to make the macaroni and cheese.
I accused him of thinking I was incompetent and too stupid to make it myself.
I threw a fork at him and went upstairs and cried.
That really got her laughing!
Hes done it ever since her first pregnancy and their oldest is 8 now!
I put it on and it works really well, but I start laughing uncontrollably.
And Im still laughing to the point of tears.
I dont think anyone noticed, though.
So one evening I was sitting on my husbands lap and a sneeze came out of nowhere.
28.An attempted belly toucher annoyed me.
I yelled no,screamed at her, Do I look like a fucking petting zoo?
29.Would have been about 20ish weeks pregnant at the time.
I am not short at all.
I could reach it easily.
But for some reason I cried so hard.
I was 30 minutes late to work that day.
Well we were on our balcony watching this YouTube series we like and we burst out laughing.
Then I started coughing.
He ran for the bucket and put it in front of me and I projectile vomited everywhere!
I also proceeded to soak my pants.
I emptied my whole bladder on the chair while vomiting.
Then I started bawling!
This had happened to me before, but in private.
I had been trying to downplay my symptoms at the time.
And now here was my misery on display for my hubby.
32.Locked my toddler and I outside on a 95* day.
(That was a freak accident).
33.Two days ago I gave my OB the wrong birthday.
She asked, and without missing a beat I just rattled off the wrong date.
I dont even know where I got it from?
34.At the end of my last pregnancy I was still suffering with sickness AND a super weak bladder!
It was so embarrassing.
