What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
1.I ordered a chicken and an egg online.
Ill let you know.
Priscilla Du Preez
Thats a sight for sore eyes.
3.I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey.
It took a while but I turned myself around.
4.I know someone that does a great impression of an owl…
5.Whos the coolest person in the hospital?
The ultra sound guy.
Whos the coolest when the ultra sound guy isnt there?
The hip replacement guy
6.I went to a beekeeper to buy a dozen bees.
He counted out 13 and gave them to me.
So, being an honest person I told him, Sir, you gave me one too many!
He looked at me and said, That ones a freebie!
7.Whats the difference between a steak and a shooting star?
Ones meaty, the other is a little meteor.
8.Having turned 40, Ive realized I cant handle my alcohol as well as I used to.
10.How long did Cain hate his brother?
As long as he was Able.
11.Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.
12.Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.
I asked him, Whats the word on the street?
13.I know a great knock-knock joke, you start.
14.Unemployment jokes dont work.
15.What do you call it when a chameleon cant camouflage?
16.Did you know that Napoleon Bonaparte never said thank you to anyone?
Yeah, its because he couldnt speak English.
Now thats a job I can see myself doing!
18.Why dont sharks eat drowning attorneys?
19.What are Marios overalls made of?
21.What do you call a magician without magic?
22.Whats the difference between sexy and kinky?
Sexy is when you use a feather.
Kinky is when you use the whole chicken.
23.I would love to travel to Holland someday.
24.What did Missy Elliot say when selling ice cream?
Come get ya free cone.
25.Why isnt your nose 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
26.Why do sharks swim in saltwater?Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
28.Whats the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
29.A couple of cannibals are having lunch.
One says to the other, Man, I hate your mother.
The other says, Try the potatoes, then.
30.What do you call a one-eyed dinosaur?
What do you call a one-eyed dinosaurs dog?
