You are being gaslit.
By
Updated 4 years ago,May 10, 2021
Can you validate me for a moment?
No matter what the words read on the screen, the request is always the same.
God & Man
Tell me my gut feeling is correct.
We are every woman who has been taught to seek external validation instead of searching within.
We are every woman who has stopped listening to their intuition because they have been told it is wrong.
Listen, there is a reason you are asking these questions and feeling these emotions.
You know the answers, but since youve long-since been silenced, you defer to someone else.
Let us convince you of what you already know.
Theres a reason you call your support online grid.
They believe in your abilities when you self-doubt.
They love you when you cant love yourself.
They validate your lived experiences.
However, sometimes the people we need arent around.
We have all been there.
These are the 30 most common pieces of validation every woman should keep in mind.
You are not crazy.
Crazy is a lazy word people use when they dont understand your behaviors or your reactions.
So, no, you are not acting crazy or being crazy or driving your partner crazy.
You are likely not being listened to or heard or respected.
Be wary of this word and dig past its surface meaning.
What is really being said?
Can you find a different way to communicate?
You should talk to someone.
If you are even considering it, do it as soon as possible.
Talking about your mental health means beginning to find the proper support.
Preparing before a crisis occurs is best.
This way, you could establish trusted relationships with the proper professionals for your needs and prevent future problems.
You will see that your experience is valid, and you will learn where to get help.
Your trauma response is not your fault.
We are talking about some women carrying all three of those things and more.
Experiencing trauma responses like emotional dysregulation and sleep disturbances are not your fault.
You dont deserve to suffer or be punished.
it’s possible for you to get help.
You are worth healing.
Advocating for more money does not make you greedy.
Declining to date someone does not make you a bitch.
If you ignore how you feel to spare someone elses feelings, what are you telling yourself?
That you are less important.
This is a terrible, no-good thing to tell yourself.
Any girlfriend would agree.
Leave the pity dating and broke dating and lonely dating in your 20s and keep moving forward.
Do not get caught in a web you dont want to weave.
You are being sexually harassed at work.
If you feel you are being sexually harassed, you are very likely being sexually harassed.
How do I know this?
I know you have let things slide before.
The people who love you wont leave when you evolve.
This means you will learn that some people do not truly love you.
They love what you offer them.
When you no longer fit their version of you, welcome their departure.
It is in your best interest.
You are drinking too much.
If you have to ask yourself this question, the answer is always yes.
You are clearly uncomfortable with how much you are drinking.
Cut back or abstain and see how you feel.
Spoiler: You will feel better.
You should apply for that promotion or scholarship.
Applying and winning doesnt mean accepting.
you’re free to always turn down promotions and scholarships after learning more and assessing your playing cards.
Apply now, think later.
This is the only way you will know if you would have succeeded in your pursuit.
This is the only way you will know if youre rejecting for the right reasons.
You are making the right choice by leaving.
You will create another one.
If you made the choice to leave, you have your reasonsreview them as often as necessary.
You have a right to say no to anything that makes you uncomfortable.
This is so hard for us women who people-kindly as a trauma response.
Our safety is worth more than what people think of us.
If something doesnt feel right, it isnt right.
Accept it and say no.
You should order the first meal on the menu that grabs your attention.
This is not a trivial thing.
Food is a hard one for many women.
Decision-making (hence this article) is also a hard one for many women.
I have spent more time thinking about food than experiencing its flavor.
I know the struggle.
Seriously, never question it again.
His anger will eventually turn towards you.
We tell ourselves a lot of little lies about the men we put on pedestals.
We tell ourselves it is not violence because he hits countertops and walls, not us.
He talks down to his ex, not us.
He throws things, but not punches.
He breaks canvases, not bones.
Domestic violence is a sneaky little monster with many masks.
You are feeling scared and uncertain and concerned for a reason.
No woman thinks she will become a victim of domestic abuse.
You have a right to be scared.
You are not overreacting.
Your children dont benefit from seeing their parents in a toxic relationship.
You know this, though.
Youve seen bad marriages and what its done to the children.
Maybe you were that child.
You know your children are better off in households where their parents are healthy and happy.
You know they will internalize the tension and stress and it will manifest if you do not take action.
You know a short-term loss is worth a long-term gain for your family.
You should discuss suicidal feelings with professionals.
Suicidal feelings are not to be ignored.
You are not faking your illness.
Your feelings are valid, even if they do not make sense to other people.
This includes feelings of pain, fatigue, anxiety, and depression.
You know what you are experiencing.
Recognize that you do not need peoples approval to advocate for your needs or accept a diagnosis.
You are not overreacting.
If someone tells you that you are overreacting, pay more attention to them than yourself.
How often are they discrediting your experiences and emotions?
You might want to look at the next point if you have been wondering.
You are being gaslit.
You are not making this up.
Gaslighting is when someone psychologically manipulates you into thinking you are crazy.
For the record, questioning if you are being gaslit is a sign of being gaslit.
They are going to mistreat the person in their next relationship, too.
Do not worry that someone else is cashing in on your investment.
Yes, you upgraded him, but you did not change him entirely.
If you did, you two would still be together.
He would have turned into who you needed.
Chronic illness does not make you less lovable.
If someone tells you this or implies it with their actions, it is their loss.
Youre better off alone than with someone who is willing to believe this.
Having a chronic illness has nothing to do with your lovability.
Your body is your business.
Wear what you want.
If not now, then when?
The household division of labor is still not equal.
If you are still arguing about this, it means it is still not equal.
Dont let him convince you otherwise or that you have unrealistic expectations.
Relationships are about finding a happy medium that makes sense for both.
Being private does not make you rude or cold or distant.
You do not need to divulge more than you want to.
Your business is nobodys business.
25. you might pull off a hat.
We can all pull off hats.
Seriously, every time a woman sees me in a hat, she says, I love that hat!
I wish I could wear hats.
you’re free to.
It is just a hat.
26. you’re able to do better.
It really is a mindset.
Define what better means to you and work towards your goal.
You should take that trip.
Money comes and goes.
Travel builds character and experience and stories.
Take the trip now while you want to and are able.
You should cancel or postpone that wedding.
Talk to your partner, a counsellor, a religious official, or family member you trust.
You should book that time off.
No one ever regrets that vacation they took that one time.
You know what they do regret?
Working themselves into a burnout.
Ignoring their need for a break.
You know what is best for you.
