1.So I had a few weeks off between jobs a few years ago so I decided to try Uber.
The other girl said she didnt want McDonalds and she just wanted to get laid.
I look back and see the girls fighting in my backseat.
Austin Distel
Finally 2 other cops show up and Im relieved of my duties.
She just kept yelling about how shes a lawyer and she wasnt read her Miranda rights.
I turned off the app, took the 2 guys home and never gave another ride.
2.I took a guy to a nearby town across the river at 3am.
When he got out he came to the drivers window and said Ever see pure evil?
I am the reincarnation of Jeffry Dahmer!
Then he walked away down the dark street.
3.I drove a cab in the ghetto in the 90s.
This stuff doesnt even rate on a week to week basis.
I had a guy get in my cab once with a large womans purse full of crack cocaine.
Big spender though, he tipped me in powder cocaine.
Do you think I told the police?
Hell no because in the 90s in the ghetto thats how people got murdered.
He screamed bloody murder like he was on fire and pissed himself and my drivers seat.
And thats not even what made me decide to quit.
Thats the only thing I could think of doing.
4.Not Uber but Lyft.
The timer ends up running out but I usually wait a little longer and give another call.
I call a second time but someone else answers the phone this time saying they didnt order a Lyft.
I made $10 off the no-show but I was done driving nights for a while after that.
Drive up to an old bar.
Guy and his friend get in and immediately start laughing.
I dont question because I figured they were drunk, and from the smell, stoned too.
I started laughing because thats the stupidest thing I ever heard.
He hopped out of the car and ran a few feet away before saying What the hell?
Youre broke as hell!
6.My second night driving ever.
Pulled up to a clearing in the woods in the middle of Denville, NJ.
I pull up to a spot that looks like Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
He gets in and doesnt say a word.
We start driving and I go
How was your night man?
just to break the awkwardness.
Then we all went out into the parking lot and dropped acid.
….Oh…wow!
So..How did you end up in the woods man?
There are no bars near where I picked you up…
He was completely silent, didnt say a word.
I glanced into the rear view mirror and he was DEAD STARING INTO MY FUCKING SOUL…
If she came up within 5 minutes wed leave and go somewhere else.
Said she was nervous about this John.
She gives me $10, goes in.
Comes out like 2 minutes later and asks me to take her to a waffle house.
She offered me a $20 tip and asked me if I wanted to eat with her.
I said sure since it was like 4 AM and the night was dying down anyway.
Left her at the waffle house and went home.
Had some interesting stories.
8.Was driving an afternoon in the late summer.
I live in a beach town so it was perfect weather and people everywhere.
Went to a pick up and saw a guy and two women.
Picked them up and they clearly had been day drinking, just laughing and having a good time.
It was a husband and wife and the wifes cousin.
The guy makes a joke to his wifes cousin saying if I had met you first wed be married.
They all laughed like crazy until I got to their house a few blocks away.
This was only maybe a 5 minute drive.
Between the fare and tip I made about $7.
Was definitely worth it, Ill gladly drive them again if I see them this summer.
The guy gets in the back, and didnt respond to my greeting.
The first thing I noticed was an absolutely overbearing stench of straight up shit.
I started to sniff and cough because it was so powerful and rancid.
He had a massive nose, and very rubbery features.
I said hey man, whats with that smell?
He was staring at me in the mirror with this creepy smile.
He softly said just open a window and keep driving.
He was holding his phone with one hand and picking this mud off his chest.
Then he loudly barked HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A SCAT PARTY?
IF NOT THEN SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH!
I was completely dumbfounded in disbelief.
I opened the backpack and there it was full of shit covered clothes.
10.Picked up a couple from a wedding reception for a long trip.
One rule I had was to let the passenger(s) initiate conversation.
So besides the usual pleasantries, nothing, which is unusual for a couple.
We arent doing anything?
After a few seconds I hear alright then.
So I get it out the boot, pass it over, and get driving again.
$120 fare, the guy gives me $150 and tells me to keep it.
They werent nasty, I think they just thought they were being secretive.
11.Picked up a dude and his girlfriend in a well known bar district early evening during the summer.
Dude is fine but gf is fucking wasted.
Im talking slurring speech, cant walk, etc.
Dude tells me where hes going and I start the trip.
As soon as a I take off she says she wants to go back.
Dude keeps telling her that theyre going home but she keeps saying go back go back go back.
Then she starts saying she doesnt feel well.
She says pull over so I do.
I take off and leave them there.
First 1 star review I ever gave a passenger.
12.Picked up 2 passengers from a Halloween party after midnight in Hollywood.
One wearing a full Batman costume and the other wearing a full Spider-Man costume, masks included.
They didnt say a word and just pointed to the GPS on where to take them.
The ride went all the way to Palm Springs (2+ hours), not one word.
The entire ride he said was scared for his life.
She no longer drives for Uber.
Luckily I was near stopping and only going around 5mph when he did.
He didnt get hurt.
15.I was an Uber driver for about a year.
Picked up a drunk younger guy at one bar to take him to another bar.
We pull up to said bar and it is closed.
I actually attempt to do the right thing, but he insisted.
I take his $100 and proceed to his house.
The guy was smaller then I was and he was quite drunk so I figured what the hell.
16.Went to pick up an Austin in NJ.
It was about 2am, so its my last ride.
Hes a little far out, but not awful (Im pretty rural anyway).
I meet him at his spot near the woods and hes in some sort of gown.
Almost like a graduation gown, but it wasnt black.
He then waves and four fucking kids (around ten?)
come out in solid white with another person in a gown just like his and they all climb in.
Immediately Austin asks to halt the ride and asks for a new drop off, about two minutes away.
I tremble and ask him to update the app.
He says he wont, as its a discrete location.
Im shivering and do that trick where you call a friend and let them listen in.
He then got out and went into the woods.
He was super drunk and told me it was my fault because he didnt hear his phone ring.
Best part: his destination was over 2 hours away in the middle of a snowy December.
He got really aggressive on the phone so it was a little rattling.
This story involves an American , who I guess was a tourist or here on business.
He walks around to me, and its pretty obvious hes pissed at me.
Gave up and just wrote him off as an arrogant yank cunt.
Drop him off at his hotel, 1-star him and move on.
Look later and he tipped me $10 on a $5 ride.
19.Not really creepy or weird but definitely unexpected and a bit bizarre at the time.
Not that weird of a request and it was Summer in a college town, not a bad deal.
Drove for about a year, and thats the most interesting story I have from it for sure.
21.Ooh, ohh, got one.
So were heading down the road, and theyre shit-faced.
And Im thinkin: uhhhh…
Which is at what point I was like Whoa!!
Luckily there was a Chevron gas station right there, I Skkrrrrt!!!
Stopped and said This ride ends now!!!!!
I said I was serious, yall gotta go.
Her friend looked at me pissed for a second and then was just like Okay.
I didnt drive on the clock again for weeks…
Anyway, usually alcohol has something to do with the worst stuff, Id imagine.
Now I give a shot to drive earlier in the day so I dont have to deal with that.
22.My brother is an Uber driver.
She was utterly surprised that he broke the engagement.
23.This happened to my friend.
He drove a drunk girl home and she begged him to walk her to the door.
He did then she begged him to walk her to the bed.
He did Then she begged him to fuck her.
Ever since then Ive been trying to drive for Uber but I dont think its worth it.
After work she came over, we had sex, she vomited on my bed.
I left pretty quick.
26.Pulled up to a hotel and women came to my window.
And I said you Tracy she said yeah I am.
I said are you going to such and such address and she is like no Im not going there.
Then another women comes to my window knocking on it and says Im Tracy.
I said oh shit well who the fuck is this other lady?
So basically picked up and drove a stranger.
Overall bad decision
27.I once picked up two kids from a jewish high school on a wednesday night.
They spent the first half of the ride talking about colleges and where they were going to go.
I gagged and wiped down the backseat just in case.
Patricks Day, I get a bunch of drunk college ladies in my car.
The three in back are cheerful drunks, chatting and laughing.
The one riding next to me is motionless.
For the first 20 minutes of the trip, this woman doesnt move a muscle.
Having had similar situations before, my concern was that she would revive in a spontaneous shower of vomit.
Instead, as were heading into the downtown tunnel, the aforementioned song pops up on my playlist.
Dr. Frankenstein would have killed for the resulting resurrection.
I nearly drove into the wall of the tunnel.
I checked the news for a while to confirm I didnt see anything…
But to this day I wonder what the heck was actually happening.
