Compulsion to do is the opposite of being.
Its the opposite of being present.
By
Updated 4 years ago,June 23, 2021
Turning 30is a big milestone.
Turning 31, by comparison, is rather unremarkable.
Youre just a person.
A person a few hundred days past whatever you were before.
It is funny how much the perception other people have of you changes once you get past 30.
He was telling me how there is this arc.
When you get successful early, everyone gives you way more credit that you deserve.
They marvel at what youve managed to do and how mature you seem.
But with time, this fades.
Because everyone catches up.
Eventually, the mean evens out.
Then youre just yourself again, not special or better, just you.
When I look at the lessons I learned this year most of them are related to that.
Thats what 31 feels like.
Its as true for conspiracies and companies as it is for life and art.
I repeated some version of this fantasy several times since.
You also think that one day, with one project, everything is finally going to blow up.
Your big break, or whatever.
Im just starting to understand that that doesnt happen.
Mysecond bookdid a little better than my first.
Mythird did even better.
It wasnt until myeighth bookthat Igot reviewed by theNew York Times.
I thought this would have happened with my first.
Because I thought these things happened quickly.
This is in fact, not the case.
That stupid quote from Kurt Cobain and Neil Young?
Itswaybetter to fade away than burn out.
Even this understanding that I now have, I would have thought it would have come earlier in life.
It is, after all, pretty obvious.
Yet…if I could go back in time to teach myself anything, this would be it.
Theresthis video you might watch of Mr. Rogers accepting an Emmy Award.
Ten seconds, he says, Ill watch the time.
Anyway, these are the moments that we need more of in life.
We see rabbits and deer and cow and armadillos.
We stop and pet the donkeys.
These are the very best moments in life.
When were just fully present and there.
When were around people we love.
When we areexperiencing the ordinariness of the world around us, and appreciating what makes it so extraordinary.
Young people tend to speak about happiness in terms of excitement.
Older people tend to speak about happiness in terms of peacefulness and contentment.
Which do you think is a wiser approach?
Which is more sustainable and readily at hand?
This isnt true for everyone, but its true for people like me.
Because for people like me,notdoing is harder than doing.
It takes more self-discipline to say no than yes.
Its something Ive been working on getting better at.
When Im sick, I have to use my self-discipline to rest.
When Im tired, same thing.
Wouldnt it be better to spend that time with my family?
I ran 26 miles at 29.
Last year I swam three miles.
This year I was going to do the Leadville Marathon that has 13,000 feet of elevation climb.
The commitment tonotdo the marathon took much more out of me than the original commitment to do it.
When youbuild up good systems and habitsin your life, the doing becomes the default.
So to consider other factorshealth, family, priorities, etctakes a conscious effort.
This year for my birthday my physical feat is seeing if I cannotdo a physical feat.
Its not natural for me, but it is important.
As Iwrote a couple years back, were called humanbeingsnot humandoingsfor a reason.
Compulsion to do is the opposite ofbeing.Its the opposite of being present.
Its instead a desire to escape, to chase endorphins or validation through accomplishment.
And even if those things seem healthy to the outside world (Look, hes in such good shape.
To not do can be as impressiveor more impressivethan doing.
And thats the point about those quiet moments or those moments we have alone with ourselves.
They take a lot of work to get to.
They dont just happen.
Its a discipline in and of itself, with far more impressive rewards.
This year Im doing 3 (3.1 to be clever).
Im writing less, but I think better.
Im saying no to projects to focus on really doing well on the ones I say yes to.
Like I said, 31 is not a landmark year like 21 or 30.
Its a settling in, anensuing,in the best way possible.
