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Updated 4 years ago,April 28, 2021
Found onAsk Reddit
1.
My dad died last night.
My friend teaches in a primary school (ages 7-8).
Unsplash / Caleb Woods
My friend asks him whats wrong and he says, My dad died last night.
Im going to blow up the school.
The last pancake, alone and afraid.
Unsplash / Caleb Woods
My mom once gave my 3.5yo nephew a pancake, telling him it was the last one.
No idea where that came from.
When I was an old man…
He had never been on a plane before.
We could bury you in the sand and wait for the tide to come in.
We decided to take a family vacation to Lake Michigan this summer.
I slept with one eye open that night.
One day I was talking to my,then 4yr old, son.
He says:
Yeah I love pop tarts.
He then continued to talk about other things from when he was a girl.
Needless to say, we did not go get pop tarts that day.
Youre going to get sick and die.
I was pretty shook not going to lie.
8. Who said that?
I think she was probably around 2 or 3.
She said: Somebodys whispering.
Like this… and proceeds to make a kid version of an inaudible whisper.
I was stone-faced as my blood ran cold and I couldnt think of a single thing to say.
After a few beats she just turned around and kept playing in the tub.
Still creeps me out to think about it to this day.
Kids are weird man.
Ted Bundy was a chainsmoker.
At one point I said, Ted Bundy was a chainsmoker.
And out of nowhere my little kindergartener interjects, But then he found anewhobby…
I was speechless for a second.
Like really, how do you even know who this guy is?!
I dont think I ever found out, either.
Im talking to Mary.
My exs daughter was babbling into her little toy phone one day.
I asked who she was talking to and she said simply ,Mary.
Im going to bury you in the basement.
Seven year old nephew sitting at top of the stairs.
What happened to your face?
I actually just shared this story yesterday or the day before, but it perfectly applies here too!
I assume hes stricken by shyness.
What happened to your face?
he asks me in a whisper.
My words die in my throat.
I dont know how to respond.
His mom gets really embarrassed.
Or that Im just really ugly.
Not sure which is worse.
Grandma said you have soft hands an are nice with hair.
Grandma said you have soft hands an are nice with hair.
Filed that under creepy shit I dont need to hear when Im working a funeral.
The devil is alive!
The books tumbled over startling us both.
He looked at me and whispered, The devil is alive!
I feel like I could lick your cheek and you wouldnt wake up.
You sleep really hard.
I feel like I could lick your cheek and you wouldnt wake up.
My dog wont have a name soon, on account of him not existing anymore.
Eventually I tell him the name of the dog I have.
He responds, My dog wont have a name soon, on account of him not existing anymore.
He was probably like 10ish years old?
It was sad and just took me way off guard.
Jesus asked me if I wanted to come home.
My daughter once told me she was talking to Jesus.
We dont go to church often so Jesus is not a topic we talk about much.
It scared the crap out of me.
I prayed that night lol
18.
Time to kill her.
Mirror, mirror on the wall whos the finest maiden of them all?
Cinderella…… time to kill her 6 year old niece
19.
I used to have a baby that drowned.
My ghost friend doesnt like you.
My niece once told me her ghost friend didnt like me and wanted to hurt me.
Do you know what it feels like to die?
Do you know what it feels like to die?
Eight year old kid, coming at me with a butcher knife.
Well kid, Im standing in front of ya so I havent died yet.
That was the last time I babysat.
I want to see you die in a car.
My friends son said he would love to see me die in a car.
She saw my incisions and said, Mama boo-boos?
as she pointed at them.
I told her yes, and that mama is okay now.
She looked at me for a second and said, Oh.
Sure enough, my mom had her gallbladder removed during an ER visit the next week.
Probably just coincidence but it creeped me out.
And the worms who will eat your guts when youre buried will love you too.
Can I have a cinnamon roll?
I want to take your skin and wear it.
Then she went back to quietly reading her book.
Mammy, why does everyone in there look like they are asleep but I know they arent.
Im talking to Scott.
I asked who he was talking to and he just said Scott.
So I asked what Scott looked like and he said he was really tall with hair on his face.
Stay there or else I eat your heart.
She told me to stay there or else I eat your heart.
Then her gaze dropped and she told me, Dont laugh.
Ive done it before.
I venture to avoid being alone with that kid now.
When I was a girl, I died.
My son once told me: when I was a girl, I died.
My husband had a more-than-friends girl when he was like 16.
She got hit by a bus and she died.
Husband was devastated, visited her grave daily.
She also told him she would come back as one of his kids.
Her birthday was august 14.
Our son was born august 14, 2009.
Why is that man staring at me?
Why is that man staring at me?
There is no one else is the house.
Whys his head like that?
He turned his head to a sharp angle.
Then he just went back to playing with his cars.
Daddy, when did your sister die?
Two things from my 3 year old daughter…
Daddy, when did your sister die?…
my parents first child was a girl that had some complications and only lived 2 weeks.
It wasnt a topic my parents talked about ever because it was painful for them.
Two weeks later we found out we were pregnant and my son was born in March.
My (at the time) four or five year old nephew and I were at my parents house.
As soon as Im in the conservatory he locks the other door behind me, trapping me in there.
I ask him to hey let me out but he claims he cant.
Sister Let your uncle out of there!
Nephew I cant
Sister Why not?
Im gonna sit in this chair like grandpa.
Made us think maybe he is being visited.
