“Am I dying, or is this my birthday?”
Because if you cant go out with a bang, you might as well go out with a laugh.
How about this for a headline for tomorrows paper?
Unsplash / Echo Grid
James French, convicted murderer (before his execution)
3.
What the devil do you mean to sing to me, priest?
You are out of tune.
Jean-Philippe Rameau, composer (as the priest sung hymns at his deathbed)
4.
A woman who can fart is not dead.
Louise-Marie-Therese de Saint Maurice, Comtesse de Vercellis (after letting one rip)
5.
Id hate to die twice.
Richard Feynman, physicist and author
6.
I did not get my Spaghetti-Os; I got spaghetti.
I want the press to know this.
Id like to thank the Academy for my lifetime achievement award that I will eventually get.
Donald OConnor, actor
8.
Born in a hotel room and, goddamn it, dying in a hotel room.
Eugene ONeill, playwright (as he died in a hotel)
10.
Charles Gussman, TV announcer
11.
Remember, Honey, dont forget what I told you.
Put in my coffin a deck of cards, a mashie niblick, and a pretty blonde.
Chico Marx
12.
Dont you dare ask God to help me!
Joan Crawford, actress (when her housekeeper was praying)
13.
Yeah, country music.
Buddy Rich, drummer (when asked, Is there anything you cant take?
by a nurse before going into surgery)
14.
Bring me a bullet-proof vest.
Im tired of being the funniest person in the room.
Del Close, comedian
18.
Ive had 18 straight whiskeys…
I think thats the record.
Dylan Thomas, poet
19.
Henrik Ibsen, playwright (after his wife said he was looking better)
21.
I should have never switched from scotch to martinis.
Humphrey Bogart, actor
22.
I am sorry to bother you chaps.
I dont know how you get along so fast with the traffic on the roads these days.
Ian Fleming, creator of James Bond (while ambulance crew took him to hospital)
23.
Now is not the time for making new enemies.
Voltaire, philosopher (after a priest asked if he wished to denounce Satan)
24.
Im looking for loopholes.
W.C Fields, actor (when asked why he was reading the Bible)
25.
This wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death.
Either it goes or I do.
Oscar Wilde, author
26.
Guns not loaded… see?
Johnny Ace, singer (while playing with a gun backstage during a concert)
28.
Am I dying, or is this my birthday?
Oh, you young people act like old men.
You have no fun.
Josephine Baker, dancer (while reportedly trying to seduce a younger man)
30.
Codeine… bourbon…
Tallulah Bankhead, actress (when asked if she wanted anything)
31.
Alexander Graham Bell, scientist (after his wife said, Dont leave me.)
Im bored with it all.
Winston Churchill, British Prime Minister
33.
This is no way to live.
Groucho Marx, comedian
34.
I desire to go to Hell and not to Heaven.
Niccolo Machiavelli, Italian diplomat
35.
Turn me over Im done on this side.
Lawrence of Rome, deacon (while being burned alive as punishment)
36.
Now why did I do that?
Sir William Erskine, 2nd Baronet (after he jumped off a balcony)
37.
Dont let it end like this.
Tell them I said something important.
Pancho Villa, Mexican revolutionary
38.
Oh Lord, forgive the misprints!
Andrew Bradford, book publisher
40.
All right, then, Ill say it: Dante makes me sick.
Lope de Vega, playwright and poet
