attempt to be mad at a behavior, not at your partner.
1.you’re free to have a good time with almost anyone.
Dont marry someone unless you know that you could have abadtime with that person.
Tom The Photographer
2.Remember that you are going into marriage not for funsies, but to be a better person.
Occasionally, this will happen because your spouse is inspiring you to greater heights of idealism and love.
Much more often, it will happen because your spouse is giving youahemanopportunityto be loving.
(Obviously, there are lines to be drawn here.
Loving your spouse does not mean tolerating abuse or failing to communicate your needs.
4.Anger is neither a reason nor an excuse for bad behavior.
5.Someone once told me once you get married your wife becomes your family and your family become your relatives.
6.Be prepared to date each other forever.
The second you stop courting each other, it all falls apart.
No reason to not go on one date a week just the two of you.
7.You cant fix everything.
Sometimes they just need time and to know youre there.
8.Be weird with each other.
Everyone is odd in someway.
Stepping back from the stresses of life and being goofy is the best part of my day.
Your spouse should love every part of you so be yourself and have fun!
Marriage is not as serious as people make it out to be.
9.Humans are stupid me and you included.
Happiness isnt getting everything you want.
Its the habit of being happy with what you have.
Mad at your spouse for something stupid, like forgetting clothes in the washing machine?
Stop being mad, make a cup of tea for both of you, then laugh at it.
Its a habit so youve gotta create that habit.
But once that habit is created, you stop getting mad about stupid things.
10.give a shot to be mad at a behavior, not at your partner.
Telling someone that this form of communication isnt effective for you, can we try another way.
This action creates a problem for me, leaving us unbalanced would this way work better.
11.Its not a 50/50 partnership.
Sometimes you have to give more and the books may never balance out AND thats OK!
12.If you have any doubts DO NOT GO THROUGH WITH THE WEDDING IT WILL GET WORSE.
13.Have each others back.
No shit talking the other person to outsiders, or ESPECIALLY to family.
you better be each others best friend.
If you have a problem, work it out.
Dont go airing your dirty laundry to other people.
Buy that cheese they like.
Remember to set up their favourite shows to record.
Grand gestures are great, but little things daily remind each other why youre together.
15.The marriage is more important than the wedding/reception.
No, not kidding.
17.Stole this from Dan Savage: establish sexual compatibility early in a relationship.
It can be something as simple as, sex isnt that important to either of you.
It can be talking about whats acceptable in terms of dealing with fantasies and fetishes.
Heck, just finding out if youre both willing to have an honest conversation about it is worth knowing.
18.You dont have to blow $30k for your wedding.
Thats a down payment on a house!
You are going to want to strangle each other during the planning process.
Just relax, have a glass of wine or something, and talk it out.
19.double-check you agree on the big stuff
Do you want kids, how many?
Who is going to be a stay at home parent if any?
If we both get the job of our dreams and both require moving, what do we do?
What is okay in case of unplanned pregnancy?
How should our money be set up and spent?
Is religious belief important?
If so what religion?
What if one of us changes/gains/loses religion?
Nothing builds resentment like a freezing butt at 3am.
21.Admit when youre wrong.
Ask open-ended questions when youre right.
There is pretty much no coming back from that.
Something will always be lost.
24.You are your own self.
That doesnt mean you arent entitled to do things for yourself or have a differing opinion.
Have at least one thing that is your thing to keep yourself sane and interesting.
Second piece of advice, they better be your best friend or it most likely wont work out.
This is someone youll be spending the rest of your life with(if all goes as planned).
Find a middle ground.
There is always a middle ground.
Ignore the people who say, never go to bed angry.
A lot of times the middle ground presents itself after a good nights sleep.
Have two comfortable places to sleep.
Especially in front of the kids.
29.Fucking clean up after yourself.
This sounds easy, but let me explain.
The key is that gratitude is not a balancing test.
Dont just be grateful the extra things your spouse does, be grateful for every.single.thing.
It leads to a feedback loop of appreciation for the little things as well as the big.
You will also see more of the things they do.
This isnt just stuff, but anything.
Grateful for listening, for sharing, for sitting on the couch, for having your child etc.
31.The biggest transition is if you werent living together before.
Getting used to sharing everything can be difficult for some but good communication is key to making things work.
Discuss finances, once married you take on each others debts and responsibilities.
Its important to know what those are before the wedding.
32.Create a budget before you merge finances and confirm youre both on the same page.
33.Do a lot of those questions to discuss before marriage quizzes.
You may find trigger points you never would have thought of on your own.
But most importantly: ensure YOU AGREE ON WHETHER TO HAVE KIDS!
Dont assume he/she will come around to the idea.
If youre pushing your significant other to have kids, you will basically be a single parent.
The decision of whether or not to have children impacts Every.
of the rest of your life.
Dont give a shot to convince someone they really will come to love the opposite outcome.
35.Just keep doing what youre doing, marriage is really no different, its just paper.
38.Its gonna get boring.
Remember that your spouse is probably as bored as you.
Just tough it out.
39.Always be polite: Clean up after yourself.
Say hey and thank you.
Remember that your spouse is a whole person and not a prop in your life.
40.Give each other at least 30 min a day without phones/TV.
41.Even if you arent having troubles, going to marriage counseling of some sort can be a solid idea.
42.Treat your spouse better than you would a casual acquaintance.
You and SO are the home team.
Take on all comers and have each others back.
Who cares if they never put on a new roll of toilet paper.
Just do it and move on.
There are much more important things in life than nagging your partner for menial shit.
44.Accept that you will change.
Change is growth and growth is human.
45.You are a team.
Either you both win, or neither of you do.
