Has your partner cheated on you over and over and over?
Asking yourself how you are going to get through this is really important.
Is your partner truly remorseful?
Nick Karvounis
Take a good, hard look at your partner.
If not, perhaps its time for you to go.
Is your partner willing to get help?
Serial infidelity is not something that happens in a void.
People who fool around over and over are people who are struggling with who they are in some way.
People who have a single affair dont generally set out to have an affair.
There is something missing in their marriage, maybe something they arent even aware of.
As the friendship grows, so do the feelings between the two of them.
Eventually, this connection can lead to an affair.
And the reasons that they set out to have the affairs are many.
Perhaps they are feeling unhappy in their primary relationship and seek someone who understands them.
Perhaps they want more sex then they are getting in their current relationship.
Perhaps they need to have sex with more than one person to feel good about themselves.
Perhaps they are struggling with trust issues and dont believe that anyone could be faithful to them.
Do you still like your partner?
An important question to ask about surviving repeated infidelity is whether or not you still like your person.
I have a client whose husband cheated on her.
She was so very angry and we talked a lot about her anger and sense of betrayal.
And then one day I asked her, Do you still like your husband?
I know you are angry with him, but do you still like him?
I know many partners of cheaters who do not like their person after they cheat.
They feel hurt and anger, and they also feel hatred.
That hatred is hard to overcome, no matter how much therapy a couple attends.
For others, love stays in spite of the betrayal.
So, ask yourself: Do you still like your partner?
If not, then perhaps itstime to walk away.
Can you forgive and move on?
An essential part of surviving repeated infidelity is not about your partner but about you.
Can you forgive and move on?
For many of us who are cheated on, we are left with a tremendous amount of self-loathing.
How could we have missed the signs?
Why were we not good enough?
And if your partner cheated on you repeatedly, the self-loathing could be magnified.
Can you see yourself finding a new connection?
Perhaps you are feeling insecure that you could never give them what they got from their lover.
Perhaps you dont know if you could possibly trust them or see them in the same way again.
One of things that happen after affairs is that the original couple gets shattered.
Are you and your partner willing to do that?
Do you both see a path to finding each other again?
Surviving repeated infidelity can be a big struggle, bigger even than surviving a one-time affair.
All of these things are important to take into account when figuring out what your next steps are.
This wont be easy, but I can promise you that you will survive it!
