Continuing to pursue these relationships causes you to miss out on connections with people who care about your wellbeing.
Your feelings caught you off guard, so naturally, this must be love.
You read somewhere that this is how its supposed to happen.
Photo by Gijs Coolen
Your emotions consume you, but in the end, youre left heartbroken.
You keep falling in love with people who dont love you back.
Continuing to pursue these relationships causes you to miss out on connections with people who care about your wellbeing.
In the end, theentanglementcauses more harm than good.
Sometimes our love isnt received.
Here are five reasons you keep falling in love with those who dont love you back.
Youre not in love
You like the idea of the person.
You like the idea of what they represent in your life.
You love how they make you feel.
You love what they can do for you.
You visualize how they fit into your future without taking the time to understand the roletheysee in yours.
You romanticize them, even though youre not compatible.
Love is a decision.
Love is an act.
Love accepts people as they are but hopes to see them reach their highest self.
Love is patient, kind, and long-suffering.
Love doesnt hold grudges, quickly get mad, or envy.
Love comes softly over time.
Sometimes we confuse love with lust.
Lust is a strong sexual desire for someone, which can short circuit the brain.
Most often, our love is conditional.
Were all just trying to figure this shit out.
Your parents didnt have to abuse you or be alcoholics to impact your views on love.
Some parents did the best they could, but they couldnt know everything.
You began to compensate for this perceived lack of worth by people-pleasing or becoming incredibly selfish.
Relationships that leave you with constant rejection subconsciously make you feel safe.
Because you have to work to get love.
Having someone love youjust becausefeels dull.
Instead, you want passion and pain.
You dont love yourself
You desperately grasp for the love of others because you dont love yourself.
Instead of focusing on wounds in your life that need healing, you attach to others as a distraction.
Most often, when we get the person of our desire, we sabotage the relationship.
Youre scared of being vulnerable, losing control, and intimacy
Youve built a rugged exterior.
At the back of your head, you want to love but dont want to get hurt.
Theres always a risk that the people we love will leave us.
Loss can happen through death, growing apart, or having different life paths.
Most likely, youre scared of vulnerability, losing control, and intimacy.
You attach to the people you like quickly.
You open up too soon or open up to the wrong people.
In love, you must grow and develop trust.
You want commitment, but you also want freedom.
These conflicting ideas stem from avoidance and thoughts about being undeserving.
Youre avoiding the uncomfortable feelings that arise when you sit alone with yourself.
You use love the same way we use alcohol, food, drugs, or pornographyto medicate.
Love can be rewarding, but its more than a quick fix.
Youre not going to feel like being loving every day.
How will you cope?
As you become more comfortable with yourself, youre able to embrace the thought of commitment and receiving love.
How do you break the cycle of loving people that dont love you back?
Secure attachments are relationships where you arent always anxious about your partner leaving you.
They are relationships where you arent afraid of emotional connection and intimacy.
They are relationships where you and your partner maintain some degree of individuality.
They are relationships where you dont feel frantic but calm and supported.
You keep falling in love with people who dont love you back because you are afraid to receive love.
Youre fearful of receiving love because some part of you believes youre undeserving.
Some part of you thinks life must be hard.
Youre avoiding the self-work that you better do.
To break free, work on uncovering your trauma and loving yourself first.
You deserve good things.
Its a gift to be a person who loves.
