Being in love means being in pain.
Maybe not all of the time, but certainly some of the time.
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Updated 6 years ago,May 17, 2019
Why does love hurt?
Jon Chambers
I mean, seriously.
Many people are in pain because they are actually being physically or psychologically abused by their partner.
We arent going to talk about that today.
We are going to talk about why everyday, regular, loving relationships can be painful.
The answers might surprise you!
The uncertainty about the future.
Love is wonderful, and when we are falling in it, we feel so wonderful and secure.
Unfortunately, there are no guarantees in love.
We know that from experience.
And our hearts are so scared that this relationship will turn out like others and will cause us pain.
Symptoms that cause us literal and figurative pain.
have a go at manage your worries about the future.
The expectations of what could be.
Unfortunately, its that darn future that causes love to hurt in a relationship.
For many of us, living in the moment is very difficult.
Instead of enjoying where we are right now, we project ahead to the future.
Even if you are secure in your relationship, wondering what is next can cause physical and psychological pain.
Its those questions that you run over and over in your head that do it.
When will I see them again?
What will we do, if anything, this weekend?
When can we move in together?
When will they introduce me to their friends?
Again, worrying about the future, even in a secure, committed relationship, can cause pain.
The symptoms can be similar to those described above.
You might also find yourself feeling needy and clingy, neither of which are very fun for your partner.
Another reason that love is so painful is because of our bodys chemistry.
When we are falling in love, all sorts ofwonderful chemicalsare coursing through our bodies.
Dopamine, serotine, oxytocin and endorphins are all stimulated when we are experiencing love and lust.
Those chemicals feels SO good that they are, in a way, addictive.
You know how, after a lovely weekend together, you separate and the feeling is intensely painful?
This withdrawal is extremely painful, and we will do just about anything to ease the pain.
This need leads to anxiety about when we will see them again and the suffering is intensified.
If they are struggling with withdrawal pain, I encourage my clients to exercise.
The baggage we bring.
I know that I have had a number of boyfriends who have let me down.
They made me promises, big promises, and then didnt follow through with them, leaving me heartbroken.
And that is dangerous because we dont want that baggage to interfere with the new ones success.
Its not their fault that another person messed up, so dont make them pay for it!
Years and years of searching has FINALLY paid off!
When we are falling in love, all we know is that our person is perfect.
Perhaps the person who always used to hold the door for you sometimes doesnt.
Or perhaps they have revealed themselves to be a bit of a slob.
When the person we thought was perfect turns out not to be, there can be a huge letdown.
And a painful one.
So, what do you do when the letdown causes you pain?
You probably arent quite the person they thought you were either, and still they stay.
Why does love hurt?
Why cant life be easy and full of joy?
On some level, these are existential questions, but there are also some concrete reasons why.
Fortunately, the pain doesnt need to mark the end of a relationship.
Take stock of the things that are causing you pain and take steps to address them.
Are you feeling uncertain about your future?
Do you wonder about expectations?
Do you struggle with the chemical crash or the weight of the baggage that you bring?
Do you wonder if this imperfect person is the one for you?
Love can be wonderful and love can be painful.
see to it that the balance of the two is equal and you might live happily ever after!
