People give nice guys a bad reputation in the world of dating.
A nice guy is really just a stable, healthy person, though I know there are some outliers.
Ive had my fair share of jerks, and the rest were pretty ok.
cottonbro
But never someone people would deem a nice guy.
That is until I met my current boyfriend.
For many, many years, I bought into the notion of a nice guy being boring and vanilla.
That, sure, theyre right for someone.
But that someone wasntme.
I was addicted to the games.
I thought passion came in the form of fighting and tears.
I didnt think a nice guy could give me what I wanted in a relationship.
Fast-forward to today, and obviously, I was terribly wrong.
I am the happiest Ive ever been in a relationship.
And thats everything I never knew I needed.
Ill be honest, though.
I had my doubts in the beginning.
Playing games is beyond exhausting.
Heres the thing: playing games elicits a lot of negative emotions.
When someone doesnt text back, you worry whether theyll ever text you back.
How in the world does that make for a healthy relationship?
My current boyfriend never once made me question his intentions.
He never waited to text back.
He was upfront, always.
I realized that playing games is entirely unnecessary and a huge turn-off.
I have every right to express how I feel.
In my past relationships, I never felt comfortable letting my partner know how I felt.
I once had a boyfriend stonewall me for over a week because he felt that I was too verbal.
Literally, no communication.
It took me some time after the relationship to realize it was pretty absurd.
I directly attribute this characteristic to his genuine care for me as an imperfect human being.
And through this space he created for me, I realized this is how all relationships should work.
I dont need to be fixed or saved.
I came into my past relationships laying out my past on the table.
I expected my partner to pick up the pieces and glue them back together.
Then I did things a bit differently with this boyfriend.
Because, from the get-go, my partner has stated that he only cares who I am now.
If I want to express my past, thats fine.
If I dont, thats ok with him too.
Instead of dumping everything out onto the table, I told my partner pieces of my past when appropriate.
Thats when I realized I didnt need to be saved; all Ive ever wanted was to be understood.
I had no idea what my actual key in was.
Im not sure how I formed my punch in.
Maybe I watched too many episodes of Lizzie McGuire.
Perhaps Mean Girls is actually to blame.
Oh, and they had similar egos youd expect of said lacrosse team.
What matters is the kind of person they are.
I know its a shocker, but being happy every day is more of my thing now.
Feeling understood instead of judged; being loved even when I make mistakes.
These are the qualities of my jot down.
And I never wouldve known that until I actually experienced them.
So many relationships today are unhealthy.
Let me be clear: my boyfriend and I are far from perfect.
But we healthily get through rough patches.
And I know this is all because Im used to relationships being really, really unhealthy.
Hey, theres always the chance things wont work out.
But maybe youll realize a few things about relationships that will change the way you date moving forward.
