Glenn & Raine, 2009).
See how they react to your success.
Enjoys putting others down so that she feels better about herself.
KoolShooters
Is disinterested in knowing more about you and lacks normal curiosity in others.
Rather than feeling happy for others success, is jealous or petty and begrudges their success.
When meeting someone new, share something youre proud of and observe how they react.
Do they shut you down and turn the attention back to themselves?
Do they covertly belittle or minimize your accomplishment, attempting to detract from your sense of achievement?
Do they extend congratulations or treat what you share with indifference and a haughty attitude of, So what?
Is there a mismatch between their nonverbal behavior and their words?
These are tell-tale signs you may be dealing with someone on the spectrum of narcissism.
Normal, healthy people do not make a run at diminish what gives you joy or pride in life.
Observe their reactions to times when you are suffering.
Perhaps one of the most defining traits of narcissism is a core lack of empathy.
This is very common when in a relationship with a sadistic narcissist.
How do they react when you most need them to comfort you?
Do they condescendingly treat you with indifference?
Do they discard you without a word or subject you to the silent treatment?
Throw out a personal disclosure.
Do they use it as ammunition?
Healthy, empathic people will respect when you tell them something in confidence.
They have no limits as to what they will use even if it inflicts enormous pain.
In reality, this will be a trap which will act as bait a red herring.
This will provide a clue as to how they treat your suffering in the future.
Boundaries are kryptonite to a narcissist, especially one who wants to fast-forward the relationship or disrespect you.
No is never an answer they accept.
Watch what happens when you set a boundary with a narcissist (e.g.
kindly dont call me after midnight).
Do they respect your wishes and back off?
Or do they persist even more with an excessive sense of entitlement?
Perhaps they pretend to understand your boundary but violate it time and time again anyway.
Their reaction to your boundaries can reveal their true manipulative intentions.
Express or assert yourself and see how they respond.
Expressing dissatisfaction (even politely and respectfully) to a narcissistic individual agitates them greatly.
This is due to what researchers call narcissistic rage, (Theberge & Dominick, 2022).
Youre an idiot if you think the waiter wasnt mean!
), gaslighting (ex.
You have no idea what youre talking about, youre insane!
), or diversion tactics and accusations (ex.
Youre only on his side because you were flirting with him!).
Its important for you to make a safety plan and slow down before you invest in a toxic relationship.
Your boundaries and self-care are paramount.
An earlier version of this article was first written on July 31, 2019.
Copyright 2019 Shahida Arabi.
