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Updated 5 years ago,November 15, 2019
Have you and your person suddenly ended your relationship?
Are you looking for things to know about surviving a breakup?
Surviving a breakup is possible.
Kelly Sikkema
Its okay to be sad.
So many of my clients are so very angry at themselves for being sad about a breakup.
Furthermore, its okay to be sad for more than a few days.
Have any of your friends told you to suck it up and get over it?
Are you beating yourself up for still letting this breakup make you so sad?
Like any traumatic event or illness, getting over a broken heart takes time.
Americans absolutely suck at taking their time getting over something.
But it just doesnt work that way.
Let yourself be sad and let yourself be sad for a while.
Dont wallow but recognize your feelings and let them happen.
If you stuff them down, it will be even harder to get past them.
Your thoughts can derail you.
Our very worst enemy, even in the best of times, is our brain.
Our brains produce pesky thoughts that can drive us down to the darkest place.
And unless we are aware of them, our thoughts can make surviving a breakup even more difficult.
That all of the issues that they struggled with will be magically cured with their new lover.
This just doesnt happen.
People arent magically cured when they find love.
So dont let the thought of your ex now being perfect derail your recovery.
That you are a failure and completely unlovable and that you just gave up and should have been stronger.
You couldnt singlehandedly keep the relationship going.
Pay attention to your thoughts.
If nasty ones pop up, push back against them.
Dont let those pesky thoughts derail all of your hard recovery work.
Stalking wont be helpful.
One of the things that can completely derail surviving a breakup is stalking your ex.
Chances were usually slim.
These days, its incredibly easy to keep tabs on your ex.
But let me ask you: How do you feel after you stalk your ex?
Do you ever feel better?
So resist the urge to snoop.
If you have to, unfriend or unfollow your ex.
And remember, the person who is posting on Instagram isnt necessarily sharing a true vision of themselves.
How many times have you posted an inspirational quote when you were feeling really shitty?
Yeah, me too.
Dont play the victim.
When we are brokenhearted, its very easy to take on the role of victim.
Perhaps we believe that we werent at fault and that the breakup was unwarranted.
And perhaps all of those things are true.
You still dont want to play the victim.
Being a victim means giving up your power.
Being a victim allows you to wallow in self-pity and not take responsibility for your actions.
A client of mine asked his wife for a divorce.
She didnt want one and refused to participate in any of the divorce proceedings.
Where did that leave my clients wife?
Sitting in her house, wallowing in her victimhood having taken no active role in deciding her future.
I encourage you to take a good look at yourself and assess your self-pity.
Are you feeling like a victim?
No one is going to take away your power.
Know that you will find love someday.
Even more, the thought of dating again fills them with anxiety and fear.
How on earth are they going to do that, especially feeling the way they do right now?
Let me PROMISE you that you will find love again.
Do you know anyone who has been alone forever?
Even if you know someone who has been alone for a while, they havent been alone forever.
There is someone else out there for them and for you!
So, believe that you will love again.
Dont let your ex take your power away.
Stand up for yourself and remember who you are!
Because you are amazing!
