Join me for a collective EEK!
By
Updated 1 year ago,January 16, 2024
Embarrassing Moments.
Theres no escaping them.
But at least youre not alone in racking up those mortifying memories.
Embarrassing stories are just another part of life!
Theyre going to happen to you and me and everyone else now and again.
We live each day knowing that theyre possible.
Join me in a collective Ahhhhh!!!!!
as you call to mind your most embarrassing moment.
Now indulge in a bit of schadenfreude as you read the below embarrassing stories from other peoples lives.
2.Pushing doors that are built to be pulled and vice versa.
It enrages me that I have a 50/50 shot, yet I consistently guess wrong.
3.Slipping and falling in rain.
4.Being out and unexpectedly having your flip-flop/sandal break.
Besides, its nothing a little super glue, or a lot of Elmers cant solve.
6.Silent room stomach growls.
You know how your stomach is.
10.Confusing a person for something they arent.
thinking that someones wife is their daughter, or mistaking a beer belly for pregnancy.
11.Falling on a treadmill.
If this hasnt happened to you, feel blessed.
Not only is this terrifying, but its equally painful on your body and ego.
One second youre running, the next you look down and youre further back then anticipated.
And neither would the unlucky holder of your spare key.
(A good save is to make your phone visible and pretend to be utilizing speakerphone.)
15.Being scared by ninja runners.
However it is a relief to know that our reaction speed isnt too shabby.
From the confines of my own home, I love having Me So Horny blare when you call.
But in the library?
18.Doing something odd when youre all alone, then thinking what if youre currently being recorded?
19.Spilling your alcoholic beverage whether in a bar or at a friends home.
Either way people are going to cry party foul, and make a spectacle of your clumsiness.
20.Accidentally liking a Facebook status or double tapping an Instagram image.
The moment directly after doing so feels capable of inducing a heart attack.
Ive reconsidered mobile social networking because thats typically when it happens.
We just want to undo what weve done hastily, without anyone actually noticing.
The embarrassment factor embedded in a public incident automatically triples.
Just read these embarrassing stories and live through the cringeworthy pain vicariously.
That was a fun day.
Anonymous
2.When I was like 7 I sneezed in church and it made me fart at the same time.
It was during a silent prayer part andEVERYONEin the damn church started laughing.
At the ripe old age of 18, I am still scarred.
julieconnole
3.I had just got my first job, and wanted to eat there with a friend.
Hes grabbing his ass as he runs, Im 20 feet behind ralphing everywhere.
It would have been weird to see.
4.Once my friend tried to do a blue angel, he put the lighter to his ass and farted….
He then violently sharted himself in front of 7 people.
We still make fun of him.
Anigavanator
5.I was 7 months pregnant with my first.
So I stuff myself with food and we leave.
My boyfriend is like, Okay lets take the scenic route.
I look at him like I am going to cut him and tell him to get home.
When we get home, I get out of the car into a standing position and it happens.
With one swift kick from the inside, I lose my shit.
As I waddle up the stairs crying, my boyfriend is asking what is wrong.
So I do the only thing that a loving pregnant girlfriend would do.
I drop my underwear full of shit on the balcony (I was wearing a dress).
The look of horror on his face was worth it.
He learned a lesson that day :) Shit happens.
AEIOUandsometimesW
6.I shat myself one cold winters evening, on my way to a nightclub.
I duck into an alleyway and start to piss.
I was wearing beige/khaki combats, and Im fairly sure I was steaming gently.
Theres basically fuck all I can do now.
I am as far from my house as I was going to get that evening.
While waiting, I had a random craving for Cheetos, which I decided to indulge.
And then very suddenly, it hit me.
I hadnt experienced any kind of pregnancy-related nausea for months, but there it was.
I had to throw up.
He kept telling me, Youre drunk.
I dont want you on my bus.
Even through my winter coat, it should have been obvious that I was pregnant.
You dont realize how few places allow the public to rush in and take a dump.
And how few of those have parking lots big enough to easily accommodate a school bus.
Best option: grocery stores.
Squatting in the aisle.
Not my proudest moment.
I had an appointment with a Psychic at the retreat right after that.
I was scared the entire time that she knew.
…She probably knew.
shit_o_clock
10.I ate something that must have been unholy and evil.
I began questioning its sanctity as I was walking my dog.
About a mile in, I start getting cramps.
Heeding the signs of impending doom, I turn around with the quickness.
With the pressure I feel in my lower abdomen that it will be a very quick affair.
50 yards away, huge cramp and an urgent need to purge.
I freeze in fear.
I rethink the side yard decision.
My cold sweat passes.
Barely decide to carry on.
Get in my own front yard and my anus gives up.
In a last ditch effort, I squeeze my cheeks together in the tightest clench I possibly can.
I walk to my door.
My knees are locked as I walk.
My back is super straight.
My dog is wtfing.
I make it into the house and into the bathroom.
Pull down the pants.
I start to the squat descent, and feel leakage.
I stand up quickly and reclench.
I run through it about 4 times in my head and decide to go for it.
I sprayed the seat and the wall and left a rudimentary silhouette of the toilet on the wall.
Thankfully it was in private and I cleaned it up without any of my friends or SO finding out.
Respectfully, I had been holding in my gas until I could get outside.
Then came the moment of silent remembrance and I could no longer control my anus.
I literally ended up laughing and crying and farting more as I ran out of the building.
Entering the bus I felt a weird cold feeling in my stomach.
I ran into a cafe to ask for a toilet.
The owners directed me to a public toilet in the square.
I half-crapped my pants opening the door to the toilet and guess what…it was a urinal.
I leaned against it and let my body breathe.
It was the biggest crap I have taken in my life.
It looked like a cow had been there when I was finished.
I am 22-years-old and I cant even remember soiling myself as a kid.
So 3.5 weeks after the miscarriage, getting my period was the last thing on my mind.
After talking to the sales rep, he offers to size me on a Madone 3.1.
Why the hell not?
So I swing off the bike to go collect my husband.
My blood freezes, I go pale and wobbly.
My stomach starts to crawl up my throat.
There on the white saddle of a Trek Madone 3.1 is a fresh red-brown smudge.
Did he see??
Is he going to make me clean it?
Should I offer to clean it?
Can we afford to replace the seat??
I looked back at the sales rep he doesnt seem to look uncomfortable so perhaps he hasnt noticed.
Heh, its the least I can do.
I couldnt even really continue because they were spazzing so hard I couldnt talk.
Pretty much ruined my already very nonexistent self-confidence when it comes to public speaking.
My stomach is upset from overindulging on eggnog the night before, but Im doing okay.
My skirt has offered no protection and there is a shit splatter over the pristine snow.
My family is laughing at me.
I get up, go back inside, take a shower and get in my pajamas.
I didnt need Christmas anyway.
17.Bluetooth headphones connected to my iphone on.
Im listening to music.
My iPad in my Timbuk2 bag begins blaring hardcore porn starring Sasha grey and 50 guys.
The mp3 was nearly over playing in its LOUD entirety the whole way.
Yeah…..
18.I think the Waffle House Incident was my most humbling experience of years past.
I just shit my pants at Waffle House while taking a leak.
That left me with soiled boxers and socks.
Thats when I noticed that there was no toilet paper in this little hellhole.
Plan B: Wipe with paper towels.
No paper towels, either?
Well, this just got interesting.
Pants and shoes back on, no underwear or socks, I thought the battle was over.
The best I could do in the toilet was wash my hands before departing and finish my breakfast.
Needless to say, I did not eat any more of my food.
19.This is a true story, one my kids love to retell to embarrass me.
It is also a multi-bathroom tale of woe.
Being lunchtime, I decided to grab some nachos.
For some reason, I couldnt get enough, they tasted so amazing!
I had more chips than jalapenos, and quickly ran out.
About halfway through dinner, my stomach started making a few little gurgling sounds.
I brushed it off and continued my dinner.
I told the wife and kids to give me a minute as I headed to the bathroom.
Now the fun begins.
I get into the bathroom and BARELY get my pants down in time to EXPLODE into the toilet.
It was not for the faint of heart.
The red hot liquid fire that was shooting out of me like a flamethrower nearly brought me to tears.
I squeeze my buttcheeks and hold on for dear life as I drive onward.
A few blocks up and I see my salvation, a Burger King restaurant.
I essentially sprayed the toilet and the wall behind it with a coating of Satans jelly.
I was in excruciating pain, but for some reason, I convinced myself I could make it home.
Oh, the best laid plans of mice and men.
20.I asked a girl from school out once.
We had taken the train into the city and were hanging out with friends in a park.
Used rolls and rolls of toilet paper trying to clean up but there was absolutely no salvaging the situation.
It was 50 minute trip in a crowded carriage.
21.I went to Catholic mass with my grandma and mom the morning after a night of heavy drinking.
There were no bathrooms in the building so I had to go outside and vomit right outside the church.
People were arriving for the next mass, watching me throw up in the grass.
Made my grandma and mom really proud that day.
fruit_smile
22.I once took a class trip to Germany in the summer after freshman year.
So I decided to just not shit.
Finally one day, I knew I was going to burst.
I tried the best I could, and actually held out most of the way.
Finally, when I could actually see the hotel, i gave out.
I stopped, and tried to collect myself, but it was too late.
I Couldnt walk any more.
I waited until I was alone, then gave a massive shart.
It lasted at least five seconds and was very wet.
She just stood there with a look of disgust and contempt on her face like Ive never seen.
Needless to say I ran back to the hotel.
Roeghmann
23.In grade school I really needed to go pee.
I waited too long and pissed myself right before I got to the stall.
But I was clever.
And my fellow students were dumb.
It was a rainy day.
I decided to play it off as me having fallen into a puddle of water.
We took them out to a certain michelin 3 star for dinner.
I clenched, oh god did I clench.
The worst part- I was in the middle seat.
We were only about 4 blocks from our hotel and I just let out a yell.
I then ran down the street to the first open door I could find.
Inside there were a bunch of dudes renovating a restaurant.
and I ran into the mens room and released the most VIOLENT shit of my life.
1.So there I am.
Sitting at my computer, sipping some red wine and browsing the internets.
What time is it?
Oh, time for porn.
He shoots, he scores!
One in a million shot, kid.
One in a million.
One time when I lived alone, I was sitting on the couch naked watching TV.
I was on my period at the time, so I had a tampon in.
I farted and the string jumped.
I laughed so hard, then I was sad because I couldnt tell anyone ever.
One foot from the door, I sneezed.
All that blood came out full-force, my pad couldnt catch it.
It was like a grenade had gone off in my vagina.
Being proud of myself I mixed it with regular milk and drank it.
Broke me up laughing.
It was going just fine… until I tried to take it out.
Simple enough, right?
My cervix had the death grip on that tiny cup of blood.
I tried so hard to pull it out but it simply wouldnt budge.
I couldnt get a grip.
My wrist ached, my lady flower felt bruised after AN HOUR of trying to dislodge that sucker.
Suddenly I spotted a plastic coat hanger on the bathroom floor.
I washed it with soap and water in the sink to prepare it for a clean extraction.
I sloshed the contents of the cup everywhere and then laughed until I couldnt breathe.
robodrew
10.I one time sang every part of the entire Les Miserables original broadway cast.
It was this one time in my car every day.
like dont tell my friends.
Im a fairly cool 31 year old man.
Mormon_Buddhist
11.My mom got home as I was in the middle of a furious fap session.
I quickly tried to restart the computer, but that didnt work (WTF?).
I finally unplugged the power strip as my mom opened the door.
There I am, in boxers, with the power strip in my hand and the computer is off.
The first words out of my mouth were, I dont know, weird huh?
HerpMasterDerp
12.Well, Im a 17-year-old.
Last week, my friend and I wanted some booze.
Now, theres a slow rumor going around that my friend and I double-teamed the Spanish teacher.
myothergraveisaporch
13.I once woke up in the middle of the night masturbating.
Long-story-short, I fucked a container of chocolate pudding.
14.Not too long ago actually I had to collect a stool sample for a medical appointment.
The doctor gave me really little bottles to collect the samples in.
The problems was that I REALLY had to shit, so what was I to do?
I then noticed that the sample bottles came with a medical paper towel.
…..I did the only thing I could think of.
Thats right, I shat on the floor.
It felt so weird and terrible.
It went against everything Ive ever known to be civilized and true.
I felt like an animal.
I then had to stand up, turn around, and then push the limits of my sanity further.
I opened the door and left the bathroom with a feeling of total disgust.
I feel like I lost a part of myself that night.
But now I think the whole situation is hilarious.
The next day me and my brother ride our bikes to get it and find it where it is.
To get it into the house I put it in the front of my pants and tightened my belt.
I ran into the bathroom and pulled the magazine out and realized what was going on.
Still to this day have no clue how I kept my cool in front of my family.
It was then I realized what I would go through to see a naked lady.
lurkmanship
16.I keep having this weird recurring dream.
And I mean like normal AA batteries.
Ill just be like, Oh!
The first dream it happened I woke up laughing.
The second I was like ….ummm well this is weird.
I tried looking it up online to see the symbolism but Im (not surprisingly) finding zip.
I have no desire to stick batteries up there so I dont know why I keep dreaming about it.
Well now that Ive talked about it I wont ever dream about it.
This year though, I had my brand new iPod video.. which I had loaded with porn videos.
So Im in the tree stand and I decide to start watching some porn.
JUST WATCH though… Im NOT going to jerk off.
So I did whatever I needed to ensure a good weekend of hunting for my fellow hunters…
I ate my jizz.
Because I was a hero.
Even if nobody knew.
Hours after finishing my Baja Blast I had to take a leak.
Being the lazy fuck that I am, I figured the empty cup would be perfect.
I dont know how Bear Grylls does it.
My favorite with Carla.
She liked me back I could totally tell.
I grew up after the age of 11 with my aunt, uncle and their children.
Seriously, I never ever fart in front of people and havent since I was a kid.
And I told them this.
Fast forward to when I was 20.
I was visiting home and my boyfriend had just showed up.
Her daughter came in and we all talked for a second.
Then I had to go so I stood up…and let out the loudest queef Ive ever given.
The room gets silent for a moment.
My cousin says, OMGOMG Did you just fart?!?!
Me: NO!….Yes.
TheBirdAbides
22.When I was a kid I was visiting my male cousins (I am a girl).
My aunt came over and took the mask off my face and told me it wasnt a toy.
I just realized the other day it was a cup.
That kind of cup.
Why, why me?
I dont need a throw away for this.
This is a story that ACTUALLY happened to me.
I had these friends who were somewhat destructive.
Imagine living with the cast of Jackass, thats essentially what youre looking at.
An old curled up turd isnt exactly something I was looking for in my peanut butter.
To THIS DAY, 3 years later, none of them will admit to it.
Even away from me, none of them fess up.
Its a mystery to everyone to this very day.
Still cant tell the story without cringing.
i must have head 8 or 9 cups of it.
it warned not to drink any more than 3 cups a day.
doot_doot
25.I like Maroon 5.
