When you disagree, remember that you’re on the same team.
You’re supposed to fight a problem, not the other person.
By
Updated 1 year ago,January 16, 2024
Real love is messy.
Bianca Castillo
Real love is complicated.
to make it find real love, you should know these harsh truths fromAsk Reddit.
1.Your spouse isnt going to be perfect.
Youre not going to be perfect.
There will be mistakes and misunderstandings.
2.When you disagree, remember that youre on the same team.
Youre supposed to fight a problem, not the other person.
3.Always be mindful and thoughtful to that persons love map.
Like they might need a quick text every morning when you get to work letting them know youre safe.
Know what it is that your partner loves and makes them feel loved too.
4.In an ideal relationship the contributions are 60-40 where both partners are the one trying to give 60%.
5.Learning how to be bored together is important.
Its okay to just sit around and not do anything and not talk to each other.
If that happens, its on them, not you.
8.Just loving someone is not enough.
If youre serious you’re gonna wanna constantly put in effort/time/trust.
9.Not every mood is about you.
Like, barely a fraction are.
If you better make everything about you, youre gonna break it yourself.
Be comfortable being single.
Not every moment of every day is going to be bliss and sometimes it really takes some effort.
It can really fuck with someone mentally.
If you dont want to be with a person anymore, just tell them.
15.Accept when youre wrong, accept that your partner wont always accept theyre in the wrong.
That still doesnt mean it would work out.
They might not love you the same way.
17.Marry someone you dont mind doing the mundane stuff with.
18.Dont stay with someone to make up for how bad a partner youve been.
In fact, generally stay clear of having to do something to make up for something, especially sex.
Do they talk behind their backs?
Do they mock them?
Do they give a look of disgust when they turn away?
Thats how theyre going to eventually treat you.
20.Some relationships arent meant to be permanent.
This too shall pass.
You will get into fights but learn to get over them or I doubt itll last.
Resentment can kill feelings for someone.
Its not something to get.
Its a vibe you have with someone and its not promised.
23.You are NEVER obliged to stay in a relationship.
Doesnt fucking matter what someone has threatened.
If you arent happy fuck em.
24.Dont let your or your partners parents destroy your relationship with their behavior.
Move on and find happiness.
26.Dont marry someone you might live with.
Marry someone you dont want to live without.
28.Dont argue if youre hungry or tired.
Dont argue if youre angry about something else that they have nothing to do with.
Dont argue if youre distracted by something else.
Dont argue over texts/PMs/etc.
Dont argue about things neither of you’ve got the option to control.
Take a nap, get some food, let other things pass.
If itsstilla problem, then argue.
29.Dont be with bad or mean people.
Or at least not bad in any way that bothers you.
Also dont be a bad or mean person.
Successful relationships are really just two decent, good people who like each other a lot.
Because theyre decent and good, they are going to be nice to each other.
Because theyre good, they actually want others to be nice to them.
So it all works out!
30.People say to not date your best friend.
Dont listen to that.
If you become best friends first, trust me, theyre worth it.
Enter a relationship without planning on it ending.
Being best friends helps the communication, love, trust, and truth be real.
31.You WILL eventually get bored.
Its up to you to bring the spark back somehow.
32.A great relationship isnt a 50/50 split.
Its about choosing them, knowing them, learning them.
Equally as crucial, they choose you back.
Every decision you make has them as a factor.
Its about respect and admiration, and giving credit where it is due.
Its about the truth, about trusting them with the truth, and trusting them to tell it.
Choose them, completely.
If youre starting to doubt a relationship do not drag it out.
End it so you dont waste precious time finding someone who is a better fit.
36.Dont lose yourself as an individual in a relationship.
37.Love is a choice, not a feeling (NOT talking about sexuality here).
39.Dont go to sleep angry is bullshit, especially if you have little kids.
If you and your partner are sniping at one another, disengage and get some sleep if its possible.
40.Everyone is a dick sometimes.
Everyone does stupid shit.
They are human, and they will have times of poor judgement, high stress, and depression.
Think of all the times in your life youve unintentionally hurt someone?
Your partner will do that to you, and you will do it to them.
Dont expect perfection, because you arent perfect.
43.Intimacy is way more important than most people realize.
44.Prioritizing the relationship correctly helps a lot.
45.Your partner should add value to your life.
If they only bring you hardship and stress, cut them out of your life.
46.When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
If theyre entitled, narcissistic, sociopathic, manipulative, or unfair, believe them.
So take off the rose colored glasses and stop thinking love will find a way.
If it isnt working, change it.
Dont spend your precious time lamenting over a person who wouldnt genuinely lament over you.
49.Sometimes you have to spend years with shitty people to realize what you deserve.
Youll never forget your exes, they were there for a reason.
50.Communication is the foundation upon which everything else is built.
Be calm, actively listen, do not dismiss your partners statements, assume good faith.
Its you and me vs. the problem not me vs. you.
If somethings bugging you, talk to your SO about it.
Calmly, rationally, and honestly.
Keep the discussion limited to that one narrow thing.
If somethings bugging your SO, hear them out.
Never think well Im not bothered by that, so its not a problem.
Think my SO is bothered by this, and thats a problem.
