My brother would just say, “You sound hot.
Are you hot?”
whether it was a woman or a man.
God & Man
Subtle, yet effective.
1.Id give the signal.
My son would start screaming.
Id say, Sorry, my son is on fire.
2.I always sell what ever they are selling for a living…
Need your ducts cleaned?
Oh, I own a duct cleaning business… Oh, I own a landscaping company… Water filter?
Oh, I own a water store.
3.I usually make a run at say something that would bewilder them.
Same goes for people on the street.
For example:
Them: Can I interest you in the chance to win 500?
Me: Oh, nah.
Ive got loads of money.
5.Answer the call with, Hello caller, youre on the air!
6.My favorite way is the way Jerry Seinfeld did it in one episode.
T: Hello I was wanting to see if youre interested in purchasing (blank)?
J: Yeah that sounds great, but Im actually really busy at the moment.
Can I get your name and home phone number and I can call you later tonight?
T: Sir, we cant do that.
J: Why not?
You dont want random people calling you all day?
T: Well, no.
J: Well now you know how I feel.
If they are a telemarketer, tell them you are deceased and start crying.
They will take you off their call list.
Asking for his information etc it scared TF out of him lmao dude was just trolling.
12.Joes morgue you bag em we tag em what can I do you for?
Trying to push me to use a product against my religion would be an asshole move.
Do your parents know you steal money from old ladies for a living?
Are your parents proud of you for being a thief?
15.I get calls all the time for companies trying to install solar panels on my roof.
The Caller ID always comes up with something like SUN CITY or SOLAR SOLUTIONS.
If its not solar panels, its for exterminators.
16.Would you hey proceed to have coitus with yourself?
17.I playMary Had A Little Lambw/ the number pad: 3-2-1-2-3-3-3-2-2-2-3-3-3-3-2-1-2-3-3-3-2-2-3-2-1, they usually hang up somewhere in there.
18.I got a call once asking for my wife.
I asked who they were and they said This is x, with herbal green vitamins.
I told her that my wife died.
The lady started to apologize so I told her that she took some green vitamin and it killed her.
19.I tell them to hang on a second.
Ill hit redial on the last telemarketer I got and add them to the call.
20.Have your own sales pitch ready.
Hey, you know what?
Im glad you called so we can share this time together.
Speaking of sharing time, have you heard of a timeshare?
22.My dad once got a call from a clearly scammy dental insurance company.
He just yelled in the most twangy voice possible I aint got no teeth!
They immediately hung up.
Then start clapping and breathing louder.
When they stop say Im almost there.
They wont call again.
24.My mom answers the phone, Sheriffs department, fraud division.
Immediate dial tone on the other end.
25.I usually pretend that Im an old man rambling in Spanish and arguing with his wife.
26.When I was little, I was addicted to Animal Planet.
27.When they say that This conversation will be recorded tell them youre not allowing it.
28.Basically just ask them things that have no meaning.
So tell me, can your dishwasher do 60 mph on the FDR drive?
Do you know how many wheels of cheese it takes to make a 20th scale replica of Hoover Damn?
Did you know that raccoons like to bathe in the blood of the vanquished?
29.Just keep putting them on hold.
That usually messes with their call stats too and hopefully they wont be thrilled to call you back.
30.Thank you for calling Barbecue Bills morgue, you kill em, we grill em!
What can I do for you?
Its always depressing when its a robocall though
31.My brother would just say, You sound hot.
whether it was a woman or a man.
Subtle, yet effective.
32.I run a charity and I tell them all about it and launch into my just donate speech.
No one has donated, but a bunch of people have hung up on me.
33.Ive heard youve been in an accident that wasnt your fault.
My two quick replies…
I KNEW IT WASNT MT FAULT!
Let me ring my mum and Ill ring you right back!
Omg you guys are quick!
Im still in the fucking car!
34.Whats your favorite scary movie?
In a creepy voice.
35.I usually play loud porn sound effects.
36.I always like to go along with them, but slowly and subtly intertwine stupid stuff into my story.
37.Just say yes to everything.
It freaks them out.
38.As if they just decided to call you for fun.
They are people doing a job just like you.
39.Because the always seem to call when you just sit down to eat what time is your lunch break?
Ill call you back then
40.One time this guy called the house 5 times.
41.I always just say Im 16.
Figured this out when I actually was 16.
Not only do they immediately give up, but you also get removed from all of the call lists.
43.I listen intently ask questions and be polite.
You spank it, we bank it!
How may I help you?
Most of the time, they just hang up.
I have had some ask if they were calling a business.
My answer to that is always yes.
Tell them to put you on their do not call list, theyre obligated by law.
If they EVER call you back, you could sue them for harassment.
Every minute theyre on the phone with me is another minute they arent scamming someone else.
49.When they are not allowed to hang up first say this: Here, chat with my Grandma.
Tell Grandma its some long lost relative.
Extra points if Grandma has dementia.
50.Answer the phone and just dont say anything.
