What do you do if youre getting attacked by a flock of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
1.How do you make a water bed more bouncy?
Lidya Nada
2.You know the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
3.What lies on the bottom of the ocean twitching?
4.What do you do if youre getting attacked by a flock of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
6.I bought the worlds worst thesaurus yesterday.
Not only is it terrible, its terrible.
7.Whats the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bike?
8.Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund?
He wanted to get a long little doggy.
9.My brother who has a stutter is in prison.
Its just heartbreaking knowing he wont ever finish his sentence.
10.Where do bad rainbows go?
11.Two hedgehogs approach a zebra crossing.
One goes to the other, If the zebra didnt make it, what chance do we have?
12.What washes up on tiny beaches?
13.What does the green grape tell the purple grape?
14.What kind of bagel can fly?
15.Me: Did you hear the story of that actress that was stabbed recently?!
So I packed up my stuff and right.
17.A limbo champion walked into a bar.
18.My doctor suspects Im paranoid.
He didnt actually say it, but I know hes thinks it.
19.Two antennas got married.
The ceremony was boring but the reception was great.
20.I went to the doctor with hearing problems.
He said, Can you describe the symptoms?
I said, Homers a fat dude, and Marge has blue hair.
21.Why is justice best served cold?
Cause otherwise its justwater.
22.A Buddhist monk walks up to hot dog vendor and says, Make me one with everything.
23.Why do chicken coupes have 2 doors?
If they had 4 doors they would be a chicken sedan.
24.Why was the broom late for work?
25.What is Beethoven doing right now?
26.Whats the best part about living in Switzerland?
I dont know, but the flag is a big plus.
27.Did you hear about the new camping movie?
28.Why cant you trust atoms?Because they make up everything.
29.Why does Snoop always carry an umbrella?
30.A man walks into a zoo.
The only animal there is a dog.
Its a shih tzu.
31.My mom told me to stop acting like a flamingo.
I had to put my foot down.
32.Why do ducks have tails?
To cover their butt quacks.
33.Whats grey, has four legs and a trunk?
A mouse on holiday.
34.What was the pirate movie rated?
Why was it rated R?
Because of all the booty!
35.I told my wife she drew her eyebrows on too high.
36.A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of 3.
He says uno, dos… poof.
He disappeared without a trace.
37.Why dont they play poker in the jungle?
39.I went to the doctor and said, Doctor, I keep thinking Im Tom Jones.
Well, he replied, its not unusual.
40.I invented a new word.
41.Two whales walk into a bar.
The bartender asks them what they want.
The first whale saysreally loud and long whale noise.
The second whale says, Shut up.
42.A winds turbine asks another wind turbine: Are you into music?
The turbine responds with: Im a huge metal fan.
43.Hear about the scarecrow that won an award?
45.Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of the boat?
Because if they fell forward they would still be in the boat.
46.Why do blind people hate skydiving?
It scares the hell out of their dogs.
47.Whats the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing.
48.People from Dubai dont like the Flintstones.
But people from Abu Dhabi Doo!
49.Sometimes I tell dad jokes.
50.Why did the old man fall into a well?
Because he couldnt see that well.
