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Updated 6 months ago,November 14, 2024
I curated these funny stories fromfunny Tumblr stories.
Get ready for a hurricane of LOL as you read all these funny short stories.
He rented a Redbox movie and made a pizza.
Jesse Herzog
We were watching the movie and the oven beeped so the pizza was done.
He looked me dead in the eye and said, This is the worst part.
We never had a second date.
I did this every quarter that year.
She was PISSEDat the school for their error.
Ive never told her the truth.
And if you forgot your password, a security question you could choose was What is your eye color?
and if you got it right itd tell you your password.
(Which was most of them, since it was easy and we were all kids).
And if I didnt want it, I could sell it for money.
Literally, the whole school had filled with smoke while wed kept super safe under our wooden desks.
I could hear it over my music but ignored it.
My teacher thought it was me.
So he comes up to me & ripped my BRAND NEW Apple headphones, looking ruthless.
He suddenly realized it was the guy next to me and he was completely embarrassed.
He came in the next day with a new pair and an apology note taped to them.
He couldnt look me in the eye for the rest of the year.
Ohsemen: When I was in high school, I was pretty quiet around people who werent my friends.
The high schools wrestling coach also taught geometry, and he was my teacher.
One day, seven wrestlers come in yelling about new wrestling uniforms, and how excited they were.
When they go over and pull out the uniforms, the whole class is kind of side eyeing them.
Even without what I mention next, the suits look funny.
I mean, its tight royal blue Spandex with a suspender style top.
Which, is also hysterical because Spandex hides NOTHING; you could see all of their junk.
Anyway, we live in a town called Ocean City.
Its commonly abbreviated as OC.
On the back of the Spandex uniform, it says Ocean City Men in large letters.
Except… they used the abbreviation.
On the back, it says OC MEN.
Which isnt awful, but then I sound it out in my head.
I almost spit out the water I was drinking.
I told her what I found and we both cracked up.
The whole time she saw me as the quiet teachers pet who was shy as hell.
The first words out of my mouth were It says oh semen.
Weve been best friends for 7 years now.
- Ow, my shit!
When I was a kid, I was always excited to learn new vocabulary.
When I was in first grade, my teacher taught me that shin was another word for leg.
I yelled out OW, MY SHIN although my mom heard OW, MY SHIT.
She paused in berating me and said Who taught you that word?!
Of course, I told the truth and said M-m-my teacher t-t-t-taught me that word!
and she started ranting about how she was going to call the school and get that teacher yelled at.
I tried to explain, T-te-teacher said that shin meant leg Im SO SORRY ILL N-N-NE-ne-never say it again.
My mom got quiet and realized her mistake.
…What did you say?
I swear to God he levitated: I have a friend who Ive known since I was very little.
I mean, he was literally writhing in pain.
She feared something along the lines of an intestinal rupture.
I swear to God he levitated.
We thought the upholstery in the car seat had ripped.
We dont have a fucking doorbell: So a couple years I moved out of state with a boyfriend.
Was super excited about it but with reason had anxiety about being so far from friends and family.
One of the ways my anxiety was coming out was with nightmares and night terrors.
Id wake up violently sitting up in a cold sweat, gasping and whatnot.
On one particular night I had woken up the sound of our doorbell ringing.
Which at 4 in the morning is fucking nerve wracking.
He quickly jumps up.
Puts on clothes and grabs a bat.
Goes all the way to the front door and opens it.
I, scared shitless, am peeking around the corner watching it all go down.
And I respond real shaky, Yes?
At first I just told my best friend, but then the whole school found out.
Classroom Chaos: So in 8th grade I used to read during class a lot.
He took it out and passed it over without hesitation.
I opened to a random spot and just pretended like I was reading.
(At this point it was just to mess with my teacher.)
I gave my smartass remark as enough.
She took away that book, too.
But now at this point I was out of books, and the rest of my class knew it.
But the teacher didnt know I was out.
I silently signaled to a few people in class and they started laughing.
The teacher looked at what they were laughing at and saw me with yet another book.
She looked at her desk where there were seemingly 3 Artemis books and saw me with a 4th.
The teacher thought she was going to win this game but underestimated my teamwork with my classmates.
The teacher was very flustered and laughing hysterically at this point and there was no more teaching going on.
The entire class was also going ballistic trying to see who would win.
It was just a game of How many books does this one 8th grader have?
So at the end of the class she thought she had taken 11 books from me.
I took pity on her and told her what was really happening.
I told her that I had already read the first book, and all the teamwork that went on.
We were both laughing and making jokes.
So one day were all just chilling on the couch when Ethan comes in wearing his boxers.
The neighbors havent come over since.
And with my god-awful luck, my math teacher was sitting at the bench right BESIDE ME.
He is still my favorite teacher Ive ever had.
The teacher stopped talking as some girl gave him some hand lotion.
The guy proceeds to slowly rub the lotion on his face as the whole class watches him in confusion.
He finally comes back in and hands the girl her lotion, and hes used up half of it.
Now people call him lotion boy.
I was really excited since I LOVE PRINGLES.
I started scoping the area, trying to find my Pringles.
I call the teacher, she tries to find them but she cant either.
Than this thought comes to my mindWhat if MOIRA STOLE IT?
I just tell my teacher, Well too bad, Ill just go out for recess now.
It was just PRINGLES.
Being a little angel.
So I stomp out of the class and start searching for Moira.
Im talking checking areas, finding witnesses, wasting my time.
I rush over to see what it is.
The kids were eating Pringles.
And in the middle of all the kids, sat a smug looking MOIRA with my PRINGLES.
I look all mad and rip the BLOODY EMPTY CONTAINER OF PRINGLES OUT OF THE DAMN BITCHS FILTHY HANDS.
By now even dumbass Moira knows whats up, shes a goner.
I wouldve murdered her at the very least, but a supervisor saw us and ran over.
Moira was forced to apologize and I was forced to accept her damn apology.
I never got to eat my Pringles.
To this day Im sure she fears my cold dead hands, ready to rip her lying face off.
When it was almost time to get my chicken nuggets, I walked into a cinnamon scented kitchen.
I searched all over that kitchen, trying to find the cinnamon scent, leading me to the oven.
She walks into the kitchen and catches my confused expression.
Thats when the spark ignited and she realized exactly what had happened.
Somehow in some form, I had accidentally baked snickerdoodles.
And that is why my parents can never take my cooking seriously.
Everything was going fine until the day my partner and I had to paint the thing.
Well I called the police, closed the garage and parked myself in front of the dining room window.
And thats the story of how my entire block found out that the abandoned house had new owners.
The next day at school, the teacher asked us what we had done over the weekend.
Now normally I never raise my hand.
But I did this time.
I fucking did it this time.
The worst possible time.
I started panicking because the game noises were excruciatingly loud.
Luckily I didnt hurt or crush him.
My teacher and everyone else started laughing and I got so red afterwards.
5th grade teacher: In fifth grade, my teacher loathed me.
She would do anything to make me cry and sent me to the principles office any chance she got.
So still, to this day, I get my hands confused.
She did the same to hers.
Naturally, I freak out a little, & I whip out my phone.
Bare in mind Im sat next to my grandparents in the middle of a crowded lobby.
So I open my camera, take a picture- and guess what?
THE FUCKING FLASH WAS ON, WASNT IT?
Obviously I left the room immediately.
Sporting goods: So I have this health teacher who is really insane about exercise.
This woman has done ironman triathlons, and talks about going to the YMCA at 5:00am.
Basically we have this project to pick a health goal to do for a month.
Things like drinking water or doing squats.
For that you need some motivation so we were talking about physical things to reward ourselves with.
After church they were like do you wanna learn how to ride them?
And I was like???
Looking back that was my first existential crisis
28.
Sometimes, its a disappointment but generally I just forget about it and move on.
Suddenly my brothers best friend stood behind us and from this day hes thinking that Im taking drugs.
I just sniff candles with my best friend to burst out in laughter.
I dont think much of it and continue to listen to the professor.
(Glowed up means I guess like someone became attractive).
Anyway, right as she saw him she screamed OH!
HES RIGHT THERE!.
Chinese class: I took Chinese at school as a freshman.
I went back to my seat and didnt speak to anyone in class for the rest of the week.
I still havent lived it down.
This was when Coca Cola started to put peoples names on their bottles.
My friend told me she had seen a bottle with my name on it inside this bin of Coke.
I was weirdly excited since I hadnt gotten one with my name on it yet.
After I had bought the drink, I opened inside target, and it exploded EVERYWHERE.
The pop was at least five or six feet in diameter.
I watched as people passed the mess and made looks of disgust.
Imagine if I had opened it inside of the theatre…
- at the pothole: Once upon a time I had a friend that was going to a Panic!
I NEED TO SEE, WHY CANT I SEE!?!
Keep in mind that its like midnight right about now but Im running and halfway through screaming.
I would flush McDonalds toys I didnt want anymore or change I had found in my room.
the biggest and most hilarious thing I ever dumped was a gallon of milk.
my tiny body dragged the bottle on the floor all the way to the bathroom.
I opened the cap, let it go into the toilet, and flushed.
why in the hell is the water white?!
my mom found the empty carton and just stared at me.
She didnt know until we went to breakfast with some friends and took me to the bathroom.
She still wont let me live it down!
Slappy trails: One time in fifth grade, I was walking back to class from the bathroom.
Before I continue, I should specify two things.
My classroom was literally just around the corner from the bathroom, next to the lockers.
There was a boy that I had a crush on for the past year in my class.
Now for whatever reason, I was swinging my arms around in a wild half-windmill motion.
Dont ask me why, I was just filled with child-like glee I guess.
I had accidentally slapped someone in the face.
It took me a second to realize who it was: my crush.
I was mortified, but he just started laughing.
To this day I can probably cite that as one of my top clumsy/socially inept moments.
The ramen incident: I have decided to remain anonymous to protect my identity from the foolishness.
last night, I became hungry and decided to make some ramen.
After about a minute or two, I realized something was wrong.
A terrible burning smell had filled my kitchen.
I opened the door to my microwave and…low and behold…I had neglected to add water.
There was some smoke coming from the bowl.
I had a change of heart.
It was a pink little slide phone where youd slide it sideways and have the texting keyboard and all.
I took decent care of my phone and never needed a replacement.
Well, flash forward to Memorial Day weekend.
My family and another family went camping up in Pennsylvania for the weekend.
Genius me, decided she wanted to listen to the 4 Selena Gomez songs I had on my phone.
as we were leaving I saw these little plushy dinosaurs that fit perfectly in my hands.
I grabbed two of them and stashed one in each of my pockets.
I still remember the rush of energy I got from actually leaving the store undetected.
turns out she was the lady that had to do the actual road test with me.
We get in the car and I thought I was doing pretty well, until she starts freaking out?
She has me pull over, tells me Im the worst drive ever.
after yelling at me, she demands I go back to the DMV.
and the rest of the time she is on her phone.
When we get there, there is a state trooper waiting for me.
gives me a field sobriety test.
Literally had to take a sobriety test when I tried to get my license.
At least I passed one test that day.
That one time I got lost: So about a year ago, I was in Phys.
Ed class, and we went around the neighborhood for a jog at the beginning of each class.
I hadnt done it before because of medical reasons, but the teacher evidently forgot about it.
I ended up being lost for TWO AND A HALF HOURS.
the best part is that I single handedly changed my schools Phys.
It is all I can do in my power to keep from laughing from sheer shock.
I finished as through and quick as I possibly could and booked it the hell out of the room.
Me being the idiot that I am decided that it would be silent.
Big surprise it wasnt.
The only person talking was the teacher and she was interrupted by freaking cannon fire farts.
As it’s possible for you to imagine, I was super confused.
So, naturally, I also put my finger on my nose.
Its another ALSO RED backpack that I had mistakenly took in my rush to get to science.
So I have this mini freak out at my friend Seth sitting next to me.
My teacher asks the class for a problem we can apply to it right?
Well guess who raises his hand?
Now my teacher adored Seth so he gets called on and you know what his answer was??
what if you accidentally stole someones backpack?
and even then my teacher was confused thinking I had just come up with the problem but no.
so he calls my math teacher yada yada I get my backpack.
If I wasnt a complete fail then Id be able to get my own bag properly.
he invited me back to his house and I was like omg Im sorry, Im new to this!
how do you transfer money?
I just blocked him and took the money.
thats when I realized my one, true calling.
I miss that game everyday…
49.
We were coming up over a mountain road with a really beautiful ocean view just at sunset.
He was new there but the book was a book I read and LOVED.
So naturally I approach this boy hoping to make a new friend and bond over the series.
Once we got to him I panicked and just had to blurt out Weve come to hello you.
and I think my voice cracked and I almost started to cry.
Never gonna talk to them again.
Now its an inside joke between us about not sitting on cold ground.
These would then be recorded to put on the school website.
I decided to do one about gay rights as it was not yet legalized in my state.
In the end it went really well.
Out of the corner I could see my 6th grade teacher give my computer studies teacher 10 dollars.
Then suddenly, I sneezed really loudly, the teachers turned around and saw me standing there.
Im still traumatized…
54.
His face looks like the best chair: So theres this really hot kid in my creative writing class.
And everyone knows I like him.
She gives me weird looks every time she sees me now.
I had never been to Chicago before, so naturally I had to go see the big city.
I wore an extremely soft red dress that I was in love with, and some wedges.
This was a mistake, because I just so happened to walk over one that was on.
SonofabitchAdam: I used to babysit this little boy who was a real handful.
Dad yells out, Son of a Bitch!
One day I have to pick up Adams older brother at school.
I lied about it and said I had accidentally clicked an ad.
As it turns out, I am gay.
