It will only get worse.
1.Whatever intimacy issues that come up are always understated.
They get 10x worse.
John Schnobrich
It will only get worse.
2.When I met her parents and all they did was yell at each other.
Turns out thats how she thought couples should communicate.
It didnt end well.
3.Looking back, her friends acting surprised when she wanted to do anything shouldve been a red flag.
Turns out all she ever really wanted to do was watch movies.
5.That he had never been in a serious relationship before.
Turns out, theres a reason for that.
6.I was talking to a girl for about two weeks and she went thru my phone.
Usually, I would immediately walk away because thats insane.
Fast forward 8 months and I find out she had hacked into my Instagram, Facebook and snapchat.
And guess what, again found nothing.
I shouldve walked away the very first time she went through my phone.
7.When she said marriage changes people I should have listened.
Although it wasnt really marriage that changed her, it was becoming a mother at 42.
She stopped being a wife as soon as the kid arrived.
Funny thing is I thought I was responsible for her happiness.
9.My then-girlfriend (now wife) was super clingy.
We were together for around 5 years before we got married last summer and its only gotten worse.
Its almost as if she assumes I cheat on her every chance I get.
10.Freaked out because I had female friends.
When we got married wouldnt get a joint account.
Suddenly every thing I did was wrong, dishes, laundry, vacuuming, etc.
I was 30 years old, former military and kept my place clean.
All that went to shit 5 years into the marriage.
No physical contact after 11 years, so I bailed.
It wasnt a couple of times.
Ask the right questions folks.
Also confirm you understand how family history may have affected your spouses attitude towards the big things in life.
12.There were a million red flags, but I ignored all of them.
How they treat literally everyone else will be how they treat you.
If they lied to everyone, you could bet they do it to you too.
I am an idiot, but now hopefully a wiser idiot.
Keep walking into the same brand of rake.
14.The sex was bad before marriage.
I thought it would improve after marriage.
15.Started dating my wife when I was 19 and she was 16.
Thought her getting extremely angry over small or uncontrollable things was just an immature thing shed grow out of.
I was her first boyfriend, after all.
Needless to say, she didnt grow out of it.
And it got worse.
16.Had an American girlfriend who completely respected my boundaries, and I did the same.
We were equals and we respected each other, our limits.
We were actually kind of a functional relationship.
After marriage, she completely changed.
Insisted on reforming me.
Had a major superiority complex that I didnt know until we got married.
Insisted on being right.
She also forgot to mention that she was an antivaxxer, Trump supporter and a hardcore Christian.
Shes like those people youd find onr/iamverysmartexcept she was very much in the wrong.
She went in my room.
Messed with my things.
IT TOOK DAYS TO ORGANIZE IT AGAIN.
I AM NOT OKAY WITH THIS.
I HAVE MULTIPLE SIGNS ON THAT DOOR FOR A REASON.
…safe to say, we are now very much exes.
17.He has a rather funny story about a time he fucked over someone who tried to fuck him over.
It is a funny story, but it does highlight some underlying issues.
19.Not married, but my previous (longest) relationship.
She was also a shitty lay.
20.I did ignore a lot of red flags early on in the relationship.
He belittled me when we argued.
He was cruel when he was angry, often using my worst insecurities as ammunition to hurt me.
He was jealous of his friends accomplishments rather than happy for them.
Last I heard from a friend, the ex is in therapy… which is great.
I wish him the best.
21.It took quite a while but she morphed into her Mom.
So recon the Mom to see what you may be dealing with as time goes on.
Like we all get a little lazy most days It increased so much more after marriage.
Fuck I worked full time and went to school full time.
I cooked I cleaned than I just stopped.
23.His family had fucked up boundaries.
And he had no opinions of his own when it came to them.
24.What his ex wife said about him as a parent.
25.Before marriage: sex weekly, sometimes daily.
Her legs snapped shut immediately and after ten years of marriage we maybe have sex once every six months.
So, theres that.
26.Had an ex tell me women look for a guy like their dad.
Seemed odd shed ever say that to me considering she always told me her dad was abusive.
Luckily we both grew up in the same general neighborhoods and people didnt believe her.
God she was nuckin futs now that I look back on it.
27.She quit her job to stay home and clean.
But, the house was never any more clean.
I usually did the cleaning.
I was fully supporting her, and worked extra hours to do so.
Rarely home, for her sake.
On my birthday, I discovered that she had been fucking him in my home for months.
Fairly certain their relationship began BEFORE her and I were married.
I filed for divorce, and she got a bunch of free stuff out of it.
No fault divorce is bullshit.
Shes one of the most selfish people Ive ever met I just hoped that it was different with us.
28.I was in a relationship with a woman a decade older than me and she had a big personality.
It was charming at first, until it wasnt.
I was pretty young then (like 20ish) and reallllly naive.
I just followed her every word because I thought she must be right.
After all, she was a decade older than me.
She would constantly put me down and make fun of the things that I liked.
Turns out; she was just very, very bitter and a bully.
A lot of her friends and coworkers, came forward about her manipulative and awful behavior.
A couple of mentors and friends had to step in for me because they saw the emotional abuse happening.
Ive definitely got trust issues because of that.
29.Never marry a perfectionist.
I heard this several times and figured they were wrong.
They were not wrong.
30.The most obvious red flag that I ignored was the pre-wedding planning.
Prior to being engaged my desires were acknowledged and provided for or promised.
I was either being difficult, I was ignored, or we were made for each other!
This behavior continued through the marriage.
If I said no, I was an asshole and she would do what she wanted.
If I said Yes I at least wasnt an asshole.
Compromise needs to work both ways.
It got ten times worse after marriage.
32.He turned into whoever he was hanging out with.
It was like he didnt have an identity of his own.
Abusive partners learn that behavior is normal because it was modeled for them.
I shouldve seen how abusive her mother was and realized she would become her after the wedding.
34.Not respecting boundaries and then blamed me for being upset.
35.This happened after we got engaged and realized a month before marriage.
I realized my fiance was selfish and only cared about herself.
She brought two whole albums of photos of just herself in different outfits.
I thought it was weird, but thought perhaps she wasnt comfortable sharing photos of her family yet.
my bank accounts were drained while we dated and I did not pay attention then.
I wish I had.
She spent the money on drugs.
I was blind to it.
She became a different person because of that and we divorced.
Same thing happened to the next guy.
And the one after, I presume; I lost track.
38.How theytreattheir parents can be very telling, too.
Some will explain away this bad behavior by saying that particular parent was horrible to them.
In this case, you go no contact or reduce contact to the bare civil minimum.
Ideally, you also get some therapy because there is obviously issues.
But if hes abusive to his mother while treating her like an ATM machine?
Yeah, youre next.
So he threw my laptop across the room.
He ended up being abusive while we were married.
Marriage lasted about 8 months.
He was playing on his phone the entire time.
Not scared of puke, just completely uninterested in my well-being.
41.During our 15 year marriage hed go through phases of being an absolute fucktard for no reason.
This extreme up/down is now a major red flag for me.
Ill take an even level of good/bad over extreme shifts both ways.
I just assumed she like to get loose when we were out partying.
Turns out she was an alcoholic.
43.He screamed at me on our wedding night because one time (for him, not me.
The only person who had any funsies that night was him) wasnt good enough.
I was so tired and couldnt give him a second go.
I apologized profusely but he was livid.
He stormed out of our hotel room and slept in his car.
I spent the night alone and sobbing.
Next day he explained how it was may fault and I caused myself the grief.
It went downhill quickly from there.
44.That his mom was a damn lunatic.
She could be your best friend or worst enemy, sometimes in the same day.
45.Weird thing, but she couldnt be wrong.
Where I didnt pick up on the red flag was she could not be WRONG.
She wasnt a know it all.
She would admit if she was unsure.
But if she put forth anything, a belief, a memory, she treated it like gospel truth.
She could be ignorant, undecided, but not WRONG.
46.Oh yes, many red flags.
I guess he wasnt completely different after marriage.. TOLD me, didnt ask if its something we could try, whatever.
So he started dating and sleeping with other women.
I was a total dumbass.
47.My ex fiance after I asked her to marry me became clingy.
Eventually I was tired of the accusation and the apologies I had given even though I did nothing wrong.
48.She was a liar for attention.
She tried telling me she was a twin, she wasnt.
It was just minor things that to me just seemed stupid.
She would lie about how she used to train dogs (she used to be a groomers assistant).
She talked about everything she had plans for and seemed relatively put together.
Once we got married her lying didnt stop.
Mainly when I asked are you on tinder?
49.Im so glad we are finally married so I dont have to have sex with you anymore.
50.I got sick for a few years and she told me I didnt sign up for this.
Should have broken up then.
