Dont be offended if they cancel plans at the last minute.
1.In some way, let them know that you like them and want to be their friend.
This is a huge issue for people with social anxiety.
Eva Lube
2.As someone with social anxiety:
Find a common interest you’ve got the option to talk about.
If you cant, the friendship will probably never happen.
We cant just do small talk for hours.
Be patient, if they are not opening up immediately, its not because they dont like you.
Take the lead in trying to set up get-togethers, at least for a while.
Its hard to reach out to someone to arrange something when you have social anxiety.
Do arrange one on one meetings over group meetings.
We suck at group conversations.
With everyone talking over each other we cant get a word in and feel ignored.
Some socially anxious people avoid these things altogether.
Lead the conversation, give us something to talk about, open new topics and shit.
However, lead the conversation doesnt mean talk over the person and never let him get a word in.
3.Talk to them a lot.
4.Talk about yourself and your interests.
Its a lot easier for me to jump into the conversation that way.
My mind always goes blank when people I dont know well outright ask me questions about myself.
I am my least favorite subject to discuss with people Im not close to.
5.If you have some shared interests, talk to them about them.
Encourage them to talk but dont pressure them.
#1 thing to avoid is putting them on blast.
Questions like why are you so quiet?
are a big no.
Take it a day at a time.
6.Keep the conversation going
Dont point out times when they stutter or stumble.
Its minor for you but they think about it all day.
Dont draw attention to any odd body language.
They know they walk all stiff because their nervous and their muscles have tensed up.
Yes, they know that they cant make any facial expressions more emotive than a ham sandwich.
Yes, they know they look weird.
Invite them to events, even if they keep cancelling on you.
Order for them at restaurants.
Keep talking to them c’mon.
Dont attempt a handshake after the first few meetings.
Avoid too ambiguous questions such as How are you?
Instead, ask more concrete things such as what are their hobbies, future plans, etc.
Be patient and dont rush.
They havent ignored the question, they just need more time.
Dont venture to force the conversation along.
Silence is completely normal and it gives you time to consolidate your thoughts.
Silence only becomes awkward if you make it awkward.
Your presence, acceptance and understanding are a thousand times more important than words.
Never nudge, attempt to help them or make them do something theyre uncomfortable with.
I hope this helps.
Instead, try talking about something specific; Whats your favorite Disney movie?
Its a matter of just becoming comfortable with you for them.
Dont be too pushy and take a stab at relate to them.
But honest just treat them like anyone else.
The fastest way to get a shy person to never talk again is to point out they are shy.
15.Dont be offended if they cancel plans at the last minute.
I will decide to reciprocate your overtures in my own time and at my own pace.
Rushing me just means I walk away because you arent worth the stress.
If you ask them to go do something ten times and they say no ten times, keep asking.
Gently help to desensitize them to social situations.
Choose small venues at first: bbq with a few friends, game nights with a few friends.
That way theyre socializing but its not so public.
Then you might graduate to going to the movies or through the drive thru.
Im talking severe social anxiety here.
Obviously everyone wont need these baby steps but sometimes people do.
It depends on how bad the trauma/PTSD is.
Dont add to their anxiety, be a soft place to land.
Sensitive people are often the most beautiful.
You just have to be invited into their bubble.
19.yo just give a shit.
Nobody gives a shit.
20.I find distraction is great.
Get them talking about something they enjoy or theyre looking forward to or something that is going well.
My social anxiety mainly stems around how other people think of me.
Use their name often.
When quiet people speak up, it usually is really meaningful to them.
Let them be heard!
Figure our their interests, and make conversation about it.
It will be easier for them to talk about things they know/are interested in.
They may seem stand-offish or disinterested, but theyre probably just shy.
In conversations and plans with others, invite them along.
It might help them open up.
23.Be the one to start the conversation.
We cannot start conversations.
Make us feel welcome in gatherings.
Im usually pretty wary of people and tend to spiral and second guess myself.
27.Dont make it a thing, treat them like youd treat anyone else.
Dont impose and just be cool.
Talk to them about stuff that they like, make stupid jokes.
28.A lot of people are saying to start the conversation.
True, but we need that person to move it forward as well.
Be the one to send friendly texts.
Sit down next to that person at lunch.
Its really paralyzing when you want to move a friendship forward but arent sure of yourself.
29.As someone with social anxiety, I will give you a huge tip.
We, at least I, second guess everything anyone does to me that is nice.
I see no reason why anyone would be nice to me, without having ulterior motives.
This is gonna sound wrong, but you have to give them space.
While, at the same time, try and show them that you care.
Ill be straight up with you, its gonna be really fucking hard.
The 2 friends I have, I am so thankful for, because Im a pain to be around.
Thats why many anxious people just get really quiet and close up.
31.You have to let us be nervous.
You dont have to fix it, just let us express it.
Be a calm presence.
Sometimes anxious people just need a stable person to hang onto while they balance themselves.
If I feel supported by you, I will begin to calm down.
You cant get rid of anxiety in two seconds or by forcing it away, so patience is good.
We hate feeling this way as much as someone else might hate being around it.
32.Do things separately together.
33.Have patience with them.
34.If you keep talking to me Ill eventually assume we are friends.
35.Make me feel included.
Ask me out for meals, activities etc.
36.c’mon be the one to start the conversation.
We cant do it.
And if theres a break in conversation for a while, just forgive it.
Along with anything awkward that might be blurted out.
Sometimes I cant think of anything so I say the first thing to come to me.
37.Ask them out on adventures often, dont get bummed if they decline 99% of the time.
It puts people at ease.
39.Remind them constantly that theyre doing well.
Theyll be more confident and less nervous.
If they dont want to do something, never let them do it.
40.One of my friends has extreme social anxiety.
Shes just a little nervous.
Everyone gets nervous about things sometimes if people laughed at her for being awkward.
I know absolutely nothing about musicals, so I asked her to tell me about her favorite one.
Her eyes lit up and she talked for about 45 minutes while barely taking a breath.
She has worked so hard at being able to do that and its only going to improve even more.
41.Do things one on one.
Keep the conversation alive.
42.Give them space when necessary.
Hanging out with people, even people I really like, is mentally exhausting to me.
My long-term friends have learned to accept my disappearances as just one of my quirks.
It took me ages to realize that my extrovert best friend was cleverly bypassing my social anxiety.
It sounds weird but for me all conversations have to be natural.
Also expect sometimes when a conversation dies down, we may end it abruptly and move on.
I venture to stop myself from doing this but its a 50/50 thing at the moment.
45.One thing that works is when someone makes me laugh, its like a good ice breaker.
Oh and not looking like a creep.
If you want to become good friends the following usually helps.
Dont treat them any differently than anyone else, dont force a response, just talk to them.
Dont approach as a group.
Start with one or two at the most and have everyone slowly get to know them.
take a stab at include them in things but dont force it.
It sucks doing it but usually they end up being good, loyal friends.
47.I have social anxiety.
Ive had a few friends say they assumed I was a bitch when they met me.
Also if they say they cant do something, listen to them.
48.As someone with social anxiety the only advice I can give is think of them as a skittish deer.
Thats all I got.
49.Figure out how much personal time they require and respect it.
50.I think its important to understand that people have different kinds of anxiety.
Others still simply become more and more burdened the longer they are active in a given social situation.
Despite possibly enjoying a big group discussion, they tire of the sensory overload, and need a break.
Not every approach will work with every anxious person.
