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Updated 7 years ago,November 21, 2017
1.
I didnt want my pet guppy to starve.
One time that sticks out to me was that I knew my family wouldnt remember to feed my fish.
Cristian Newman
Im so happy that I cared about that fish enough to choose life.
dirtbaggby
2.
I want to die fighting for my happiness and loudly by changing the world.
Cristian Newman
I want to die fighting for my happiness and loudly by changing the world.
LeotheBurrito
3.
I realized I could restart rather than hit the kill switch.
nayefmag
4.
I was afraid ending up a vegetable.
Fear of screwing it up and ending up a vegetable.
HighRelevancy
5.
I was afraid of slowly drowning in icy water.
Its hard to say.
Also, it seemed silly to not at least give therapy a shot.
ziggaziggazow
6.
My belt snapped while I tried to hang myself.
My belt actually, it snapped during an attempt to hang myself.
I remember sitting on the floor after falling from the failed attempt asking myself Am I this messed up?
and thinking of all the things that would happen if I succeeded.
That scared me the most.
pikaboy14
7.
Well, the gun misfired.
Then I spent a few months in and out of hospitals and therapy.
Medication helped, but not really, so I started trying all the drugs.
That didnt really help either.
Looking back, obviously something was helping because I wasnt trying to kill myself anymore.
So, I joined the Marine Corps and learned to love myself.
wears_Fedora
8.
My dog interrupted my suicide attempt.
I was 13, and got bullied a lot in middle school.
It was about 1AM, and I was standing in the kitchen with a knife to my throat.
My dog walked into the kitchen and locked eyes with me.
I couldnt bring myself to do it.
If I cant, I get to kill myself.
Im much better now.
The arbitrarily set date doesnt seem to matter anymore because Im doing pretty well.
I miss that dog, he passed the summer of 2015.
Vague_Discomfort
9.
My cat jumped up on the table and started purring at me.
I looked down at her.
No way could I leave her.
She has since passed away but Ill never forget how she saved my life that night.
DaughterOfNone
10.
My friend, who I met in the psych unit after her own suicide attempt, kept me alive.
I tried many times, became adrug addictand analcoholic, the only reason I am around is an overdose.
I ended up in the psych unit for a long time.
My friend happened to be there too because she attempted suicide.
She kept me alive.
She showed me it was okay to feel the way I did.
She really empowered me.
Im a year clean on the 24th.
I havent tried to kill myself since.
officialfoxgrrl
11.
My folks are still alive and I didnt want to ruin their lives.
MelodyMiguel
12.
It would destroy my family.
It would destroy my family.
My brother would be crushed.
Everyone would be depressed, and would possibly less to more suicides and heart attacks.
Thats the only reason stopping me since some time.
sthornr
13.
I just dont have the courage.
I just dont have the courage.
If there was a quick, easy, and painless way, I wouldve done it ages ago.
specialaaren
14.
My little sister interrupted me.
After years of mental and physical abuse from my father.
One day I just said to myself.
Im done there was this immense sense of peace that came over me.
It sounded like knocking of sheer terror.
It was my younger sister, she was screaming.
I though my dad was going to beat her up.
I drop the sheet while I ran to pop swing open the door.
She has this look of panic and says, What are you doing?
I said Nothing, I was going to make my bed.
That day she wouldnt leave my side.
I never tried again.
Its been 10 years since that attempt, I never told her what I was really doing that day.
If we didnt have each other I think we would not have made it to be happy well-adjusted adults.
It is the one thing I cannot forgive myself for.
Even though I didnt go through with it, fuck!
It really would of been the biggest mistake of my life.
Just typing this makes my eyes water.
My sister would find her soul mate in just 4 more.
We are both very happy and have never looked back.
Our father is bitter and will tell all who listen how my sister and I are ungrateful.
But we are too happy to care.
bbwolverine
15.
I was afraid ending up a vegetable.
My brother killed himself first.
My brother killing himself.
After seeing what that did to my family I just couldnt make them go through that again.
FlowSoSlow
17.
My cats needed me.
Knowing my cats needed somebody to keep them alive.
petitepeachesXXX
18.
My dogs came into my room and started staring at me.
My dogs woke up (its probably 3am) and came into my room.
One of them was just staring at me and the other one came and lied on my lap.
Theyve done more for me than I care to admit.
I couldnt leave these guys alone.
Kraymur
19.
I didnt want my son to wonder why I did it.
Not wanting my son to wonder the rest of his life why his dad took himself out.
If something happens to my boy, all bets are off.
UnzippedButton
20.
Right now its mostly just cowardice keeping me alive.
He talked me down too many times.
He said if I hurt myself, he would hurt himself too.
And he was always more self-destructive than me, in our base states, so I believed him.
Anyway, right now its mostly just cowardice keeping me alive.
I dont like painful things.
I also dont like the idea of all the trash in my head dying with me.
But I dont even make the art Im always thinking about so.
seastarko
21.
Shes my best friend.
Shes my best friend.
Im pretty mentally ill but shes always stood by me.
I tried 4 times and every time I just thought, No, I cant leave her.
Im miserable and I still struggle with the urge all the time.
The better-off-without-me thoughts, the depression.
I dont believe in the it gets better spiel but Im trying for her.
helloicarus
22.
A vicious, spiteful wish to inflict myself upon others.
An obstinate refusal to die and a vicious, spiteful wish to inflict myself upon others.
nowitsataw
23.
An old friend contacted me out of the blue with a kind message.
I was writing the note.
I had decided when, where, and how.
The next day was supposed to be my last, and it was all planned out.
It was my birthday, I liked that for some reason.
Then, I got a message.
I couldnt get a good look at the person in the picture.
I figured it was a random, but looked anyway.
My jaw dropped as I read it.
I couldnt believe it.
It was someone I had lost contact with years ago.
An old friend I had been close to for a while back then.
I immediately answered to ask how shed been.
She sent her phone number and we talked for the next five hours.
She texted Happy Birthday to me in the morning, and we havent stopped talking since.
I told her everything, and she listened.
She told me everything, and I listened.
Who would just… be there, you know?
Its awesome to have someone I care about care about me.
Thats enough for me.
Icarus_Falling
24.
My therapist showed me that she cared.
I sent an email that she rather quickly determined to be signifying intent.
She immediately called me to try and talk me through it.
My absolute low point.
That was one year ago this past Thursday.
rileysir4612
25.
I just couldnt let them/they win.
I just couldnt let them/they win.
I dont know, but fuck em.
And I promise it wont be easy and at least one of them mf are coming with me!
Wizardkillemall
26.
I became a father.
One night while watching my brand-new daughter sleep, I had a profound realization.
pious_platypus
27.
Too many failed attempts.
I tried more than once, the first time the rope I was using broke instead of tightening.
The second time I dont know how I survived, I jumped off a bridge around 80 high.
The fourth attempt was another hanging but this time the branch I strung myself onto snapped.
satanissmith
28.
Im too much of a pussy.
Im too much of a pussy.
And my cat would ruin the house in the mean time.
I really wanted to, a few months ago.
I have a thicc latina girl now.
I just got a raise.
I jacked off four times this morning.
Im drinking hot cocoa and eating dank microwave breakfast.
My life cant get any better.
strangerwillrobinson
29.
I didnt want my sister to find me.
The thought of my sister finding me.
heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey
30.
I did some nice things for myself.
I was in college depressed about bad grades lost year, and a bad breakup.
I had like some $100 with me.
I thought better spend it before I kill myself.
Had some nice food.
Roaming around the city for a while.
And suicidal thoughts went away.
hotcoolhot
31.
I love my wife too much.
My love for my wife.
Suicide is easy for the dead person, extremely hard for the ones who are still alive.
SesshySiltstrider
32.
I didnt want my witch of a mother raising my daughter.
I used to tell myself my daughter would be better off because she needed someone who had it together.
Then I learned a secret, no one has it all together.
Some are just better at hiding it than others.
coco1012
33.
I felt guilty about leaving my cats and little siblings with no one to take care of them.
Attempt 1: Ineptitude.
Puked for a few days, but thats about all.
(I was about 8 years old and ate a whole bottle of pills.
Not sure what they were, but apparently they werent that dangerous.
Im guessing some kind of vitamin?)
I was roughly 13, give or take a year.
Ive never begun making any serious attempts since those two, but the thoughts crossed my mind not infrequently.
At various times, Ive held off out of
Self-hatred.
I wanted to make myself suffer, rather than allow the easy out of killing myself.
This was most common through my teenage years, especially the early ones.
Now, however, its not associated with suicide.
Now when it comes up its usually sheer stubbornness that keeps me going.
Ive held on this long, I dont want to be weak.
Boatkicker
34.
I was curious to have at least one new experience.
It was less violent than I was expecting.
By the time I did that, the moment had passed.
GreatEvilBetty
35.
My husband surprised me and came home early.
My husband surprised me and came home early.
He never gets off early.
I know now that it was a sign that Im supposed to be here.
DahliaStevens
36.
I saw my parents watching me die in front of them and I changed my mind.
I told her literally seconds before I blacked out and started convulsing.
The second time, I cooked up cyanide and ingested it.
I was in and out of consciousness and she could tell something was wrong.
I live my cat to death, and changed my mind.
People have no idea how much I love my cat.
Shes probably changed my mind about committing suicide about 5 times.
That was a hard phone call.
NanoAggression
37.
I was afraid I would fuck it up and end up worse off as a result.
derfergster
38.
Music made me feel like I wasnt alone.
soulodolo81
39.
I saw the changes that suicide made in a woman who lost her daughter to suicide.
I have made a few attempts years ago, and after my second attempt I changed jobs.
I was (am) still severely depressed, and those thoughts came creeping back.
A coworker I was very good friends with ended up losing her daughter to suicide around that same time.
I saw the changes it made in this woman.
She was always very positive, laughing, etc.
Just_a_hermit
40.
My therapist made me list each person I loved and describe how my suicide would affect each one.
I had just started therapy for suicidal thoughts.
My therapist made me list each person I loved and describe how my suicide would affect each one.
It was heartbreaking and effective.
katrob2006
41.
I love my fiance too much to ever do that to him.
Ive attempted suicide multiple times.
I had a very difficult childhood.
I was born addicted to heroin and restless due to her crack usage.
She kept these habits after I was born.
Then came along my 2 younger siblings.
2 and 3 years younger than me.
Sometimes from 6:00 am until 10:00 am or longer.
My siblings didnt listen to me and I would get in trouble for that when they got home.
My last attempt was october 30th of 2015.
I was 16 and it was my dads birthday who had died in 2012.
I went into a cute liver failure and the doctors were sure I was going to die.
But somehow I lived.
I wasnt supposed to and it was against the odds.
Then I met my fiance and I love him very much.
I have a purpose.
Miiiillk
42.
This past year has been my lowest since I was in middle school.
And I didnt want that.
sox815
43.
My dog saved my life.
I survived an attempt at 20.
I just have said before that Ithoughtabout it, but hadnt tried.
My moms Golden Retriever saved my life.
We had it since I was 11. for standardized tests).
I was so, so unhappy.
But I didnt want to abandon that damn dog!
Then I made breakfast.
She didnt want her kibble or drinks or toys.
She insisted on following me to my bedroom, and watching me.
But unfortunately, I did it.
Felt sleepy and really nauseous, lay on my back to…die.
That bit is important.
Woke up several hours later to a sunset, but facing the wall for some reason?
And something really stunk.
The damn dog was nudging me and licking my face.
Id puked while passed outI would have choked and died if I was on my back.
I had had no capacity to move myself.
She had kept nudging me until she could roll me over, to keep me safe.
overcaffeinatedqueer
44.
Ive been diagnosed with depression and have been through emotional and physical abuse.
So the thoughts have definitely swirled in my mind for a long time.
Its hard to say what the motivation is.
I suppose its a combination of many things like: books, certain family members, and experiences.
If I had to take a guess; I suppose all of those experiences kinda brewed up something.
Thats part of it I suppose.
Now based on all that, my life is on the up.
And I intend to keep pushing it upwards.
DrunkOnIcyHot
45.
I had a knife to my throat when a friend texted me.
While my parents were asleep I went downstairs and literally had the knife to my throat ready to go.
I had already made a little deep cut before I heard my text message alarm go off.
It was from one of my friends.
I didnt wanna just leave him hanging because it felt like he was my only friend.
Decided to stay up the rest of the night texting him and listening to music.
Started listening to different artists and now Im here today.
PM_ME_NUGGETS
46.
I stayed alive to spite my dad.
I was 16, my dad was an abusive asshole.
I had locked myself in the bathroom with a heavy piece of furniture pushed in front of the door.
Thats all it took to set him off).
I looked at my puffy tear-stained face in the mirror.
I listened to my dad still screaming outside the door.
And I was going to do it.
What stopped me is the same thing that had stopped me from running away a hundred times before.
I refused to ruin my life and my future for that piece of shit.
I told myself he wasnt worth it.
That I only had two years to go before I could get out of there.
That I refused to give him the satisfaction that he had broken me.
I put the pills away.
I spent the night in the bathroom.
I survived two more years.
I never see him now; my life is wonderful.
Im glad I didnt do it that day and the difficult few years that followed.
It did get better.
Even when I couldnt see how it would.
Im glad Im here now.
Septapus007
47.
The first few times I tried it were pleasant but had no long-lasting effects.
Then a 4-tab dosage & a trip I cannot even describe somehow vanished my previously treatment-resistant depression.
(Id been on a variety of psych meds on and off for many years beforehand.)
trethrtr
48.
My moms brother killed himself shortly before I was born.
About six years ago I was planning my last week of my life, a very eerie feeling btw.
My dad casually told me one night Your mother is very worried about you.
You would destroy her and I if you left us.
It was the saddest thing ever to witness and I remember thinking Oh God, what have I done.
After that it kind of sank in that some people actually gave a shit about me.
Luckily around that time I started on a new medication and life slowly returned to me.
I was looking for something to magically cure depression forever and thats not how it works.
gu1lty_spark
49.
I got interrupted by a telephone call.
I got interrupted by a telephone call.
Life is good, glad I made it through.
Marath
50.
It was the thought of my brother finding me and how that might mess him up.
As much pain as I was in, I couldnt stand the thought of hurting him that way.
Their dad isnt mentally healthy enough to parent them as is, so who would they be with?
VerucaNaCltybish
51.
Ive got five younger sisters, and it would fuck them up.
Ive got five younger sisters, and it would fuck them up.
I got over myself, started becoming interested in the rest of the world.
Now interested to see what will happen next.
