You dont want to be with someone that requires you to be less than who you are.
By
Updated 5 years ago,March 17, 2020
Dating can be exhausting.
Dont get me wrong; its well worth it.
Elevate
Youre looking for the one person you want to spend your life with.
As a result, youre going to date a lot of wrongs.
But along the way, you have to stick to your values.
I dont think its on purpose.
Hell, I think it goes pretty unnoticed.
And on the rare occasion we can see our flaws, sometimes our vision can be blurred.
The cause (a partner) may seem bigger than the means (sacrificing values).
Ive been in this boat.
But finding a partner and respecting your values go hand in hand.
You dont want to be with someone that requires you to be less than who you are.
With this in mind, start becoming more aware of your dating life.
You allow people to cancel on you
Sure, emergencies come up.
But emergencies dont always come up.
If youre finding yourself being canceled on again and again, that person isnt respecting your time.
You couldve made other plans or scheduled your week differently.
Canceling is more than just missing out on a dinner date, its about your time being wasted.
Respect your time and speak up for yourself.
Let your date know its not okay to cancel on you last-minute.
My rule of thumb is that people get two chances.
The first time they cancel, I can look past.
I dont have time for that.
And I really dont understand this.
Sure, people can surprise you.
And this doesnt just happen on first dates.
One of my friends dated a guy she knew from college she wasnt that interested in romantically.
Spoiler alert: That never happened.
We all have preferences and attractions for a reason.
If youre disinterested in someone, cut them loose.
Its not fair to you or them.
You deserve butterflies; they deserve interest.
He seemed like my key in: athletic, charming, friendly, and enthusiastic.
But somewhere along our first date, I realized he was much different than I imagined.
I knew things wouldnt progress to a second date.
I didnt want to make him feel bad, and boy did that kissing last way too long.
Theres never a good reason to make yourself feel uncomfortable just to make your date comfortable.
This includes everything from hand-holding to not speaking up about your opinion.
The best relationships are ones you feel comfortable in.
Your comfort matters just as much as your dates.
You move too quickly
Moving too quickly can include emotionally or physically.
If you find yourself getting caught up in feelings with another person, thats great.
What isnt great is if the other person doesnt respect those feelings and shows no sign of reciprocation.
Ask yourself why it is youre willing to feel for someone who isnt on your level.
Just as important is if you feel pressured into moving too fast physically.
You dont owe anyone a kiss at the end of the night.
You sure as hell dont owe them sex.
Kiss when you feel comfortable.
Have sex when you feel safe with the person.
That led to me feeling insecure, questioning myself, and feeling emotionally drained.
Youre not asking too much to define things with someone youre dating.
If theyre not looking to label things, then you two dont have the same goals.
Its as simple as that.
If a significant other is your end goal, dont settle for anyone not willing to commit.
You deserve someone who wants to be with you without a doubt.
You let your date determine your value
This can start as early as when you swipe through dating apps.
When I was single, Id log on to dating apps and swipe away.
I thought things were harmless until I realized how much I was addicted to getting a match.
Then it occurred to me how horrible I felt once someone interesting went radio silence on me.
The same would go for in-person dating.
A failed date made me think there was something wrong with me.
Their disinterest equated to my worth.
But thats not how human value works.
You are a magnificent, beautiful human being.
No other person determines your value.
If you dont think so, cultivating self-love is going to be your answer, not more dates.
Whoever your dating at the time doesnt determine your self-worth, you do.
Dating can be hard enough; theres no need to make it harder by sacrificing your values.
A partner is simply the icing on the cake.
Remember that while moving forward into the dating world.
Know who you are and what you deserve.
Then double-check to settle for nothing less.
