This movie may be glossy and frothy, but it ultimately taught me whatnotto do in my romantic relationships.

Behold my hard-earned lessons, shared freely and selflessly with the world.

Think of the HR nightmare David and Natlie would create in real life.

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Bosses are not good lays; they are capitalist overlords.

), I do condone keeping all of your Christmas gifts in out-of-state maximum security bomb shelters.

This is, again, fantasy.

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First of all, those women would be drinking somewhere way ritzier in real life.

Second, no one has ever gotten this lucky after doing only minimal research on their travel destination.

If you dont believe me, just book a ticket to Pyongyang and see what happens.

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Dont date someone whose language you dont know

Language barriers can lead to hilarious moments.

Just see Jamies (Colin Firth) storyline with Aurelia (Lucia Moniz).

They rarely know what the other is saying, even when wanting to make out with each other.

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But also: Dangerous!

Jamie eventually asks for Aurelias hand in marriage despite barely knowing anything about her!

So, now hes just, like, married to the Zodiac Killer?

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Yeah, thats a no from me, dawg.

Learn your love interests target language.

For instance, I once went on a date with a guy who thought the Earth was flat.

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I wouldnt have realized this if I hadnt known Portuguese.

At worst, its selfish and cruel.

And you know what?

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Ill actually tell you how I learned this one.

(There was nothing in the middle.)

Are yall happy I finally opened up and told you that?

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cries Happy holidays, everyone.