Do not focus on trying to find someone new to yo.
Which, happens to be around the ripe age of 22.
Our brains werent even fully developed, yet they were absolutely hardwired to couple up.
Twenty20 / @NickBulanovv
Society is one persuasive bitch.
For full disclosure, I got engaged last year.
And am getting married at the end of this year.
Which is 65 in Texas years.
So Im going to be completely honest and say I cant personally relate to a lot of it.
So I get it.
Twenty20 / @NickBulanovv
Being single is a gift, and Ive written about the joys of being by yourself many times.
And Im sure you cant ignore it, either.
Think on them, consider them, and use them whenever youre feeling anxious about your singlehood.
You are forced to get to yourself really well.
Well, maybe not forced.
But being single makes that kind of difficult.
How do you live when youre by yourself?
How do you fill your time?
Who do you talk to?
What do you look forward to?
What do you think about the most?
What tends to stress you out?
What gives you joy?
You have the answers to these questions floating in your head all day every day.
I know this, because you arent thinking about a significant other.
So everything in your head is the product of your motivations when you are by yourself.
This might feel self-centered or purposeless, living a life thats just full of you.
to get to be there for somebody else, you have to be there for yourself first.
And the more you put this off, the more it will affect future relationships.
This habit will strengthen all areas of your life and make your future relationships SO much easier.
Use this time to hone in on what makes you happy.
Do not focus on trying to find someone new to yo.
Then, and only then, should you start considering the notion of making someone else happy, too.
The older you get, the faster relationships progress.Im not saying this to make you feel better.
Im saying this because Ive seen it happen time after time after time.
And you’re gonna wanna be prepared.
And people dont mess around once theyre ready to settle down.
But first, lets back up.
Its crucial to note that sometimes the reason were single is because our standards are astronomically high.
They will have their struggles.
They will be moody.
And it will take actual work from you to make the relationship a happy one.
Before you know it, youll be talking about moving in.
Then…omg how did this happen its been like two months?
It happened because you did the work.
Once you REALLY know yourself, you are going to attract someone who REALLY knows themselves, too.
And when two people really know themselves well, they also know what they want.
And they dont waste their time with it, either.
Forget four year long courtships followed with an 18 month long engagement.
Why the hell wait when you know?
Try having an 18 month long RELATIONSHIP before putting a ring on it followed by a six month engagement.
Now THATS what Im talking about.
Ive always said that people who met each other and started dating at very young ages are absolutely screwed.
This isnt to say that they are bound for divorce or a rocky marriage.
But they had to experience their growing pains with someone else watching THE WHOLE TIME.
Their partner was going through their OWN growing pains, too!
They had to get to know themselves WHILE also dealing with getting to know someone else.
Thats a ton of work, and pretty stressful might I add.
Im sure for those couples it was more than worth it.
But Im sure some of them cringe thinking back on a few of those uncomfy patches.
Think of it has you being efficient.
You would feel pressure regardless.
Damned if you do, damned if you dont.
Look, people are going to judge you no matter how you choose to spend your time.
You cannot possibly become a carbon copy of anyone else, and with that, comes disappointment.
People like to be validated in their choices.
People dont like that because they might start wondering, Am I doing the right thing??
Am I too young??
But lets say you do get married at 25.
And then they all have babies at age 27.
And you choose to travel and build your career instead.
Or you have fertility issues.
Its a never-ending circle of anxiety.
Of course, not all opinions are as damning as these are.
Healthy friendships are full of support and kindness and empathy.
True friends could give two shits when you choose to settle down.
But…those arent the opinions youre concerned over.
Those arent the opinions giving you anxiety.
Because then, youd need to have the perfect marriage.
So who is it we are trying to just?
Clearly, its not yourself.
And just to point out the obvious, this isnt really about being single.
Meeting someone might not fix this pressure you feel to keep up with the Jones.
In a lot of ways, my life would be muuuuuuch easier in Texas.
But you know what?
My alternate life in Texas would come with its own pressures and obstacles.
Again we are screwed no matter what.
But what I can lean on is the fact that THIS life right now these are MY choices.
And I try as hard as I possibly can to cultivate a deep sense of pride in them.
Otherwise, Im going to float through life without intention and without joy.
I dont want that for me.
And I dont want that for you, either.
So understand that being single is what you are actively choosing right now, and every choice has consequences.
Try your damned hardest to trust your decisions and have faith that you are doing whats right for you.
Thats all we can do in this crazy life.
- it’s possible for you to get a You arent marrying the wrong person badge.
Theres this brilliant episode ofSex and the Citycalled A Womans Right to Shoes.
Its one of my all-time favorites.
Then, she says something interesting.
Hallmark doesnt make a Congratulations!
You didnt marry the wrong guy!
Now before we beat ourselves up weve all dated the wrong guy.
And some of us might have even married them.
And you’re able to absolutely be proud of that.
What a beautiful gift you are giving yourself!
You are triumphantly owning that you are the queen of your own destiny.
Whats shameful about that?
If you wanted to be in a relationship, you would be.
Ive written about this before, so I wont bore you redundancy.
Yall can hook up together and ride into the sunset in a white dress and a black tuxedo.
But thats not what you want, is it?
Because if it was, you wouldnt be reading this right now.
Quiet your anxiety with the realization that your singlehood is an active choice, not an obligation.
You have the option to get married whenever you want to cash in those chips.
We can brainstorm all the ways if youd like.
Its all about priorities.
IF your priority is to get married, then girl get on it!
But if your priority is happiness then thats a different story.
In that case, Id recommend holding onto those chips and cultivating patience for the right opportunity.
Theres lots of room to dream and manifest.
Ok so being single is kind of fun because you also get to dream about your non-single self.
You could fall in love with a rockstar.
You could fall in love with anybody.
You still get that excitement of not knowing whats next.
Anything can happen, and that magic doesnt exist for everyone anymore.
Remember that being single offers up a world of opportunity and time.
