Send a funny doctor pun to a co-worker or friend that works in medicine.
However these doctor jokes are used, they’re sure to elicit a smile.
Quote a one-liner and take a crack at comedy while at the doctors office to lighten your physicians mood.
Karolina Grabowska
Better yet, send a funny doctor pun to a co-worker or friend that works in medicine.
It doesnt matter whether theyre an eye doctor or a surgeon.
Either way, these doctor jokes are sure to elicit a smile.
Patient:Well, at least I dont have high blood pressure!
Doctor:After some healing, yes, of course!
I never could before!
Fruit Salad, Yummy, Yummy
One day, a woman walks into a doctors office.
Whats wrong with me?
she asks the doctor.
Youre not eating properly, he replies.
The patient blushed and replied, Compared to who?
The Bladder of a Peanut
How does the receptionist at a urology department answer the phone?
Urology office can you hold?
Is this her first child?
The man replies, No, you idiot!
This is her husband!
Youre Number 1
What is awarded to Dentist of the Year?
Any news on how hes doing?
Nurse:So far, still no change.
Tick Tock Goes the Clock
Doctor:Mr. Jones, you may want to sit down.
I have some bad news and some very bad news… which would you like to hear first?
Mr. Jones:Oh jeez, I guess Ill take the bad news first.
Jones:What?!
the man goes, How could there possibly be worse news than that?!
Doctor:Ive been trying to reach you since yesterday.
Long Shot
Does an apple a day really keep the doctor away?
Only if you aim it well enough!
Hindsight is 20/20
Did you hear about the optometrist that fell into his lens grinding machine?
I heard he really made a spectacle out of himself.
Feeling Shaky
Patient:yo help me!
I cant stop my hands from shaking.
Doctor:Do you drink often?
Patient:Not really, I end up spilling most of it.
Aches and Pains
A woman went to the doctor complaining of pain all over her body.
I hurt all over, she said.
What do you mean all over?
the doctor asked, Can you be a little more specific?
The woman proceeded to touch her right knee with her index finger and yelled, Ow, that hurts.
Then her nose and yelled again, Ouch!
Then she touched her left earlobe and yelled again, Even that hurts doc.
After examining her, the doctor came to a conclusion… the woman had a broken finger.
Needing Reassurance
Patient:Hey doc, are you sure Im suffering from pneumonia?
Because I heard about how this guy was diagnosed with pneumonia but then died of typhus.
Doctor:No worries here, that wont happen to me.
If I treat someone with pneumonia, he will die of pneumonia.
A Game of Telephone
A guy strolls into work with both of his ears bandaged up.
His boss asks him, Jeez, what happened to your ears?
Well, yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and I accidentally answered the iron.
Well that explains one ear, the boss replied, but what about the other one?
I had to call the doctor!
The doctor prescribed him some pills, but they didnt help.
When the man came back, the doctor gave him a shot, but that didnt help either.
When the man returned again, the doctor told him, Go home.
But if I do that, Ill risk getting pneumonia doc, replied the man.
I know, said the doctor, but I can cure pneumonia!
Full Circle
A Short History of Medicine:
Doctor I have a headache.
Here, eat this root.
That root is a demon, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. That prayer is a superstition, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.
2000 A.D. That antibiotic is artificial.
Here, eat this root!
Oh no, honey.
Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company.
She took down his name, address, medical insurance number, and told him to have a seat.
A few minutes later, a nurses aid came out.
She called his name, and asked him what he has while leading him to the examination room.
He responded by saying, Shingles, and she told him to wait in the exam room.
Ten minutes later, a nurse came in and asked what he has.
Shingles, he responded.
Twenty minutes later, the doctor entered and asked him what he has.
Shingles, the man replied.
Outside in the truck, the man responded, Where do you want them?
The receptionist asks, What is the patients name and room number?
Of course, the woman replied, Sarah Finkel, Room 304.
The receptionist responds by saying, Oh yes, Mrs. Finkel is doing very well.
Thats fantastic, the woman replied, oh, Im so thrilled!
From your enthusiasm, I figure you must be a close family member?
The woman replied, Im Sarah Finkel in 302!
Dr. Cohen doesnt tell me a word.
Any idea what it could be?
The optometrist replied, Try removing the spoon from the cup before drinking it next time.
Tunnel Vision
A man having trouble with his vision decides to visit his doctor.
When he arrives at the office, the receptionist asks whats wrong.
I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes, the man complains.
Have you ever seen a doctor?
No, just spots maam.
Truth Hurts
Doctor:You are very ill.
Patient:Is it okay if I get a second opinion?
Doctor:Of course!
You are very ugly too.
Straight and Narrow
Did you hear about the patient that lost his whole left side?
No worries, I hear hes all right now!
Grammar School
What do you call a student that cheated on every test throughout med school?
Hopefully not your doctor.
Sleeping Beauty
Why did the doctor tell the nurse to walk carefully by the pill cabinet?
So she wouldnt wake up the sleeping pills.
Veterinarians Sick Leave
One day, a veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor.
The vet interrupted him by saying, Look, Im a vet.
I dont have to ask my patients these kinds of questions.
I can tell whats wrong just by looking at them why cant you?
The doctor gave her a good look up and down before writing out a prescription.
Of course, ifthatdoesnt work then well just have to put you down.
Pianists Dilemma
Are you an organ donor?
No, but one time I donated an old piano to the Salvation Army!
Doctor: Give him a headache!
Chicken Scratch
Patient:Someone vandalized my house last night!
Doctor:Okay, but why are you tellingmeabout this?
Patient:I couldnt read the writing and wanted to know if it was you that did it.
Are you seeing any change in me?
Whats the Difference?
Whats the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist?
One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what they treat.
Research Gone Wrong
What is a double-blind study?
Two orthopaedists reading an electrocardiogram.
Is my time up?
No, God answered, you still have 40 years, 5 months, and 3 days to live.
Upon recovery, the woman felt sublime.
Therefore, she had a facelift, a tummy tuck, and died her hair before exiting the hospital.
After her tummy tuck was over, she was released from the hospital.
Why didnt you save me?
I didnt recognize you, God replied.
Doctors Doodles
Why did the doctor take a red pen to work?
In case she wanted to draw blood!
He rushes to the emergency room to get help.
Give me the fingers and Ill see what I can do!
But I dont have the fingers doc!
Why wouldnt you bring your fingers?
I couldnt pick them up!
Funny One-Liner Doctor Jokes
The patient-doctor relationship is an important one!
Doctor if…
How Many Doctors Does it Take to Change a Lightbulb?
As she comes back the maledoctor says, I bet you are a surgeon.
She confirms and asks how he knew.
Easy, youre always washing your hands.
She then says, I bet youre an anesthesiologist.
The male doctor says, Wow, how did you guess?
The female doctor says, I didnt feel a thing.
Doctor-Patient Discussions
Patient: Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow.
Doctor: How do you feel?
Patient: A little down in the mouth.
Short, Funny Doctor Jokes
Share these doctor jokes with your friends and family.
Even if theyre not in the medical field, they can appreciate these hilarious doctor jokes:
