Its like describing a color to someone.
Love looks different for everyone.
And love can be one of the greatest mysteries we experience as human beings.
Priscilla Du Preez
Some people claim youlljust knowwhen it happens.
There will be no doubt in your mind.
But many people leave relationships and realize they werent actually in love.
They simply mistook a different feeling for what they think love must feel like.
And those will be key to avoiding a lot of hurt emotions and complacency.
Stability
When your own life is unstable, you crave stability elsewhere.
And while dating someone stable is healthy, its not love.
A Rollercoaster
I dated anemotionally abusiveguy.
A rollercoaster evokes strong feelings.
Going from one emotional peak to the next is often mistaken for passion.
If youre having great sex, thats amazing.
Kudos to you both.
But remember that your relationship occurs mostly outside of your bed (or at least, it should).
If the rest of your relationship is lackluster, then chances are youre not in love.
They were kind to me.
At times when I was most insecure or going through a breakup, they were there to listen.
Jealousy
Getting wildly upset over your partner talking to someone of the opposite sex isnt love.
Nor is it very healthy.
Its a sign of insecurities, either with yourself or with your partner.
Try addressing why you feel the way you do.
Is it because you believe youre not good enough for your partner?
Or do you not trust your partner?
A Self-Made Illusion
Putting your partner on a pedestal is a real thing.
Its like when we were in high school and wanted so badly to date the quarterback.
But in reality, he was pretty douchey and had the emotional depth of a teaspoon.
But he was good-looking, and on the football team, so we put him on a pedestal.
Idealizing your partner is making them into an illusion.
No one is perfect; everyone will falter.
Youre not lucky to be with your partner, and that ill-founded idea of luck doesnt equate to love.
Friendship
Sometimes we feel an intense connection with another person.
But that doesnt mean its love.
I have a lot of guy friends.
As a heterosexual girl, this is a slippery slope.
Guys tend to attempt to take things to a romantic level.
And sometimes, I do too.
As a hopeful romantic, I want to give everyone a chance.
But this tends to be my fault.
I mistake a deep connection for someone as love rather than what it is: a friendship.
Love is a mystery, but a beautiful one to experience.
When found, like any relationship, it requires care and intentional work to keep it flourishing.
Just be sure that what you have is love first.
