Plant a few seeds and leave them alone.
These skills arent easy.
Simply introduce them and theyll lead a person to anything else he needs to know.
Yunus Tuğ
In me, the seeds have germinated, no question about that.
I am gradually getting better at them.
They take years, so I wish Id started in grade school.
Its a tiny example, but thats a genuine wall I built there.
Its completely impossible anyway, and theres so little to gain even when you pull it off.
Instead of someone getting a baseless negative impression of you, they get a baseless positive one.
The amount of pain suffered in vain by people trying to be liked by everyone is unimaginable.
It drives people crazy.
It makes people kill themselves.
Make no apologies or explanations for what you want, and let the unknown faces dislike or distrust you.
Study your fear of leaving bad impressions, and practice doing what you want anyway.
I bet youll become not just more comfortable, but more likable.
Elaine Benes:Who cares if she doesnt like you?
Does everyone have to like you?George Costanza:Yes!
Everyone has to like me!
Talking to strangers
School taught me strangers were at worst bad people, and at best irrelevant people.
It took even longer to realize that I am a stranger.
They had an explicit rule about it: Dont talk to strangers!
And dont let them talk to you!
I am still getting over the idea that people I dont know are strange.
Some of the most rewardingmomentsof my life have happened while breaking this rule.
Kids can still be taught to keep themselves safe without instilling such a damaging view of the casual passerby.
Imagine if nobody regarded anybody as a stranger, but rather a person they didnt know.
You cant have wars without strangers.
It does not mean you are okay with what has been done.
It doesnt even mean it doesnt bother you anymore.
That means no more revenge fantasies, no more nasty remarks.
Finally it can begin to recede in your mind.
Ive experienced a lot of resentment in my life.
All of it is out of control, all of it is painful, all of it is addictive.
There is a comforting feeling in hatred.
We imagine it protects us from getting hurt again.
Its as helpful as thinking about food when youre stranded on a remote island.
Resentment feels good in a bad sort of way.
Its pure mental junk food, only it makes you powerless instead of fat.
They make you misperceive and misinterpret reality.
Ive describedbad moodsas a nasty drug that hijacks your thoughts and robs you of your intuition and perspective.
They take a vacation, and theyll definitely be back.
Good moods are much easier to deal with and dont require any remedial action.
But its worth remembering that they inevitably give way to not-good moods.
Its just a change in the wind.
Doing things you are afraid of
Im slowly learning that the best response to fear is curiosity.
That might be good.
It always means there is some seriously new ground that can be brokenright now.
Of all these skills, this is the one Im worst at.
Its like a thin shell you thought was a wall.
The rewards are always way closer and more accessible than I think.
The sequence unfolds the same way, nine times out of ten.
One moment its Oh man I am never doing that.
Then you take that first step and it literally is a step, a movement of the leg.
Then youre in the middle of it, saying what you oughta say or doing what you oughta do.
Then youre giddy and grateful the rest of the day.
So some people never make a point of this.
But we cant just let things happen!
What if terrible things happen?!
The best responses are always conscious and calm.
Once its happening, its happening.
If it’s crucial that you do something about it, you still can.
But your action doesnt have to arise from this place of rejecting reality.
Can you let everything unfold as it will for five minutes?
Sure it’s possible for you to, and its exhilarating.
Trust them at your peril.
A few more seeds in the ground.
