Divorce is not the end of the world.
I know people get divorced for a variety of reasons.
Those are the obvious reasons that you must separate yourself immediately and seek help.
Dallin Hassard
You deserve much more than being stuck in a marriage that does not make you a better person.
And if you also have children, their safety should be your first priority.
When the word divorce comes through your mind, obviously something has been going wrong for a while now.
Divorce is a major life-changing decision.
I would strongly suggest you go through these steps.
Have an open communication with your partner.
Pick a date and time that two of you sit down and have an honest conversation with each other.
Do not make it a surprise with we need to talk introduction.
Give your partner a heads-up and set a later date/time to have the conversation.
If your partner is not cooperating, ask him/her to set up a time that works best for them.
If it does not happen, you know that the marriage is not going to last for sure.
Seek a couple counseling.
This might sound contradictory, but I personally am not a big fan of counseling.
Maybe because I am not fond of talking about my personal issues with a stranger.
That helps me the most.
However, I have seen a lot of my friends who benefited greatly from counseling.
Sometimes you need a stranger to mediate your conversation with your partner.
You might be surprised what the real issues are.
Have a game plan.
Both for while we are working on it and what if we get a divorce.
Are you going to separate for a while until you both decide what is next?
Or you both believe everything is too late and divorce might be inevitable.
And if you have kids, that is even more complicated.
In most cases, you probably need a lawyer.
However, I have seen a lot of cases where they only need a mediator to arrange an agreement.
Depending on your situation, the process of getting a divorce could be months or years.
Just my two cents!)
Surround yourself with great friends and family members.
I know this first hand because even I needed it.
I always consider myself a very strong, self-sufficient person.
I am a get-stuff-done kind of woman.
And my divorce was not even difficult, though we have two young kids to consider.
It was very amicable and I believe I have the best ex-husband in the world.
It was still tough to deal with it.
I still remember the first night that I moved out and lived in my own place.
Part of me was relieved, but part of me was also scared of what to do next.
I was married for 11 years.
That was a significant time of my life spending with someone and now I am alone.
Your family and friends will be the people that you better rely on at least for a while.
If you were married for a long time, it will even be a big adjustment to go through.
Take each day one step/day at a time.
Whatever it is, do NOT think too far ahead of yourself.
Your mind is not at the right stage to plan too far in advance.
Give yourself a break and take it easy.
Also, remember that nothing lasts forever, either good or bad.
You might also go through self-doubt phase and wonder if you have made the right decision.
Well, take your time to figure it out.
Nothing is really set in stone.
If you want to get back together with your ex, reach out.
But do not play with his/her feelings.
Learn to forgive yourself.
Remember that the kids are very resilient.
They also know what happy people look like.
Dont you want them to be a smart person and realistic?
I remember when I decided to get my divorce.
At first, I was debating if I should wait until the kids go off to college.
My older one was only in second grade at the time.
There was no affection nor communication between us.
We used the kids as messengers to communicate.
That was not what happy marriage should be.
I did not want the kids to think that that was normal because it was not.
It has been over five years now since my divorce, and my kids have never been happier.
I no longer have an expectation in my ex as my husband.
I do only expect him to be a good father, but I do not dictate how.
And the kids learn.
They know they have two different parents.
Learn from your mistakes and grow.
Whatever the reason is for your divorce, learn from it.
Do not for a second think of it as your partners total fault.
You have a share in that too.
Nobody is perfect but we could learn to be better by accepting our mistakes.
Divorce is not the end of the world.
It is a part of your life to live, learn, and grow.
Believe me, you will finally find the good in the goodbye and be a better and smarter person.
