I wish moving didn’t work.
I wish exercise was a scam.
By
Updated 6 years ago,April 20, 2019
1.
Lina Kivaka
But it, it being anxiety cardio, is something Ive done for a long time.
check in with your childs mental health!
dont just assume theyre being a little shit on purpose!!)
and would tell me to run around the block until my brain slowed down.
And then Id come home slightly sweaty with my Gap sweatshirt sticking to my back and Id be better.
I wish moving didnt work.
I wish exercise was a scam.
I can always go for a walk.
I can always move and shake.
It will be okay.
Watch Makeup Tutorials On YouTube.Ive never been good at meditating.
Im not worried about what a decision was made at work without including me.
Im not worried about what such-and-such means in my relationship.
Im not worried about why my mom never calls me anymore.
All Im focused on is whether or not Arden will like the highlighters from the Play collection.
All Im worried about is what Beam will look like on her skin.
All Im zoning in on is the (presumably) royalty-free, ambient music in the background.
Theres nothing heavy, nothing pressing, nothing high-stakes about a makeup tutorial on YouTube.
And thats oddly calming.
Rewatch The Episode ofGreysWhere Denny Dies.Im not a crier.
But every now and then, I can just feel it in my bones that I need to cry.
And just like, a lovely single tear down the cheek, fan my eyes kind of cry.
Im talking the heaving, ugly sob, snot runneth over, eyes swell up kind of cry.
And when that happens I do one of two things to bring it on.
That episode has single-handedly ruined that Snow Patrol song for me.
Its like, pavlovian at this point.
Theres something thats very cleanse-like about a heavy cry.
And goddamn watching Denny Duqette leave this Earth (sort of?
greys is weird.)
absolutely brings that out for me.
Its always in the back of my mind.
but alas, its what I do.
You set a timer, and you just do it.
The 15-minute shakedown isnt going to change your life.
I do not say this to glorify being a human garbage disposal, its just the truth.
But obviously existing like that is a one-way ticket to feeling like shit for most of the day.
And if its still too much after Ive eaten the salad, the Hot Cheetos will still be there.
Let It All Be A Bit Too Much.And sometimes, theres literally nothing you might do.
Everything is going to feel heavy and like A LotTM and its going to suck.
Your heart rate will not be slow-able and your anxiety will not be thwartable.
And then you go to bed.
And you hope that tomorrow isnt a bit too much.
Sometimes, surrendering to the too much is all I can do.
Its not motivational and there isnt a silver lining to it.
But sometimes thats part of dealing with too muchnot having a solution.
But not being able to find a solution or having a trick to making everything easier isnt a failure.
Ill keep you posted.
