I would ask or notify him of my plans and he would agree to them.
Afterwards, he would notify me that these were unacceptable or unfair.
I had managed to implicate myself in at least three major relationships where my boundaries had constantly been crossed.
I had full exposure to the necessity of developing strong and clear boundaries, and enforcing them.
In the after-light of these relationships, I couldnt help but think; What went wrong?
And how did this happen to me?
I decided to find out.
Afterwards, he would notify me that these were unacceptable or unfair.
In both of these situations, there were no instances of swearing or threats.
Self-Esteem
People tend to be their best self when they are feeling good.
They know what they want and theyre either getting it or theyre well on their way.
But what happens when youre suffering?
What happens when you arent feeling good?
A great tactic that salespeople around the world use is the establish your weakness and then capitalize on it.
They see you as an easy target to get what they want out of the situation.
They also may want to control your strength so that you dont leave them.
Narcissism is very common in relationships where one person controls or places their thoughts and feelings over another.
However, the first signs of this can come across as a genuine intent to care for you.
They portray a level of confidence that assures them both supporters and results.
The problem was, we werent on commission.
I wasnt getting a pay rise.
I wasnt getting a promotion.
Once you begin to lower your standards, they continue to fall.
One of the most classic toxic relationship models is The Empath and the Narcissist.
This is because highly sensitive people tend to want to help and nurture narcissists.
You might give them extra rope in your transactions, or forgive behaviors that are usually unacceptable.
You lower the bar until there is no bar left.
This almost always has no consideration to our own feelings and expectations.
Its also used to make you feel uncertain of your position in the group dynamic.
Gaslighting
A person who doesnt want to take responsibility for their actions will often minimize or completely deny them.
A lot of people who experience this claim feeling like they are losing their minds.
Another way is to completely deny that it happened, as if the conversation never took place at all.
I began to write things down after they happened so I could check back that they were real.
A good way to assure youre not being gaslighted is to understand that normal people dont converse like this.
You are probably being gaslighted.
Idealization and Devaluation
Otherwise known as the hot-cold technique, this is employed to keep you on uneven footing.
People who use this technique will often employ idealization as a way to get you on their side.
This ensures that you keep chasing the original high of their praise by jumping through increasingly difficult hoops.
So, What Did I do?
I did this swiftly and completely, in all three scenarios.
I quit the job, broke up with the boyfriend and moved out of the house.
I deleted emails and blocked numbers, and found alternative work.
I realized that people who dont respect your boundaries, do not respect you.
Its very important when you get out of a situation like this to practice self-love.
I decided to align myself with all of my positive attributes.
I spent time doing creative things.
I allowed myself to heal and did nice things for myself.
I wrote about how I felt and I surrounded myself with people who were truly supportive.
I took up meditation, listened to podcasts and read books.
I applied for jobs I thought I would never get, and surprised myself.
A strange thing happens when you let go of things that are not good for you.
I started to look forward, I started to dream big.
I stopped looking back.
Youre not going that way.
