Each branch has its own traditional jokes that have caused a lot of laughing for many years.
Military Jokes for All Branches
These jokes are perfect for anyone in the military to laugh at.
Even better, have them explain the joke to you after and have a good laugh yourself.
Pixabay
When they come home, they get to leave their inlaws thousands of miles away.
Military Play on Words
Why does the military only allow dress shirts during ceremonies and events?
Civilian casual tees are absolutely unacceptable.
Now, they are wanted for dessertion.
Believe Half of What You See
Why did the optometrist set his clock to military time?
He wanted to see 20:20.
However, one day he came into the room whistling with a smile on his face.
The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever.
You seem in a good mood.
He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.
Well, how much are you paying him?
Two thousand dollars a week, he replied.
How can you afford that?!
I cant, he said, but thats his worry now.
The seaman replies, Are you saying that since youre in the Air Force youre able to fly?
Enemy Bar
What happened when a soldier went into an enemy bar?
An old Marine Sergeant was standing near the edge of the puddle with his fishing line in a puddle.
Fishing, the old Sergeant replied.
You the eighth, the old Marine answered.
For example, heres what happens when each of them is told to secure a building.
!Marine:Wait, stop.
The private replies, Well, thank you very much, sir.
Stuck Like Glue
A general gets stuck in his Jeep on the side of the road.
Fighter Pilots War Cry
Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and a fighter jet?
The fighter jet stops whining once the engines are cut off.
Soldiers Favorite Month
Which month do soldiers hate?
Good Grades
Why was the sergeant made when his son brought home an A in math?
His son had clearly focussed more on dividing rather than conquering.
U.S. Air Force Jokes
These military jokes about the United States Air Force are a mixed bag.
Tell these quips to a friend in the service to give them a good chuckle.
Air Force Bingo
How do you play Air Force bingo?
A-10…B-52…F-16!
Dont Be a Screw-Up
What do pilots and air traffic controllers have in common?
If pilots screw up, they die.
If air traffic controllers screw up, pilots also die.
Center of the Universe
How many pilots does it take to screw in a light bulb?
He holds the bulb and then the world revolves around him to screw it in.
Pilots Vanity
How do you know when your date with a fighter pilot is halfway over?
He says, Anyway, enough about me.
Do you want to hear about my plane?
Hunting Season
What do you call a deer thats enlisted in the Air Force?
A Bombar(deer).
Talks the Talk
How can you tell if theres an Air Force pilot at the bar?
Dont worry, hell tell you.
Whats the difference between God and a fighter pilot?
God doesnt think hes a fighter pilot.
Personal Fan
Whats the purpose of a propeller?
It helps to keep the pilot cool.
Turn it off and watch the pilot start sweating.
Patriotism at its Finest
Which branch is the most patriotic?
Its got to be the Air Force because theyre U.S. AF!
U.S. Army Jokes
Discover a funny military joke about the U.S. Army with this list.
The other PFC looks at the sky and says, Where?
I dont see it.
Boy Scout for Life
Whats the difference between the Boys Scouts and the Army?
The Scouts at least have adult supervision.
Lets Play a Game
Two Army second lieutenants started debating over certain distances.
One started by saying, Okay smartass, which one is closer, the moon or Florida?
The second responded by saying, Obviously its the moon you cant see Florida!
Hide and Go Seek
What do you call a second lieutenant surrounded by PFCs?
For the Win
Why doesnt the Army football team have a website?
They cant seem to string three Ws together.
Play a Little Tune Maestro
If you drop a piano on an Army officer?
ARMY Definition
What does the word Army stand for?
Arent Ready for Marines Yet
Accidents Happen
Did you hear about the big accident on base?
A tank ran over a bag of popcorn and apparently, two kernels were killed!
Dont Cry for Mama
If a baby joined the Army, where would they belong?
The guy with the recipe graduated.
U.S. Navy Jokes
Members of the U.S. Navy are known to be a pretty sarcastic bunch.
Scan the list below to find some hilarious military one-liners that will make your Navy friend laugh like crazy.
Navy Warship:This is the captain of a U.S. Navy ship.
I say again, stand down and divertyourcourse.Reply:No, I say again.Youdivertyourcourse!U.S.
Navy Warship:We are a large warship of the United States Navy.
Divert your course NOW!Reply:This is a lighthouse… your call.
Special Ties
What did one panicking sailor say to the other?
Well, were all in the same boat.
Sink or Swim
Two sailors were discussing which assignments theyd like to get.
One stated they would love to work on a submarine.
The other replied, Not me!
I wouldnt set foot on any ship that intentionally sinks.
2+2=4
What kind of grades do you better have to join the Navy?
At least all seven Cs.
Smooth Sailing
What do you call a snail that boards a Navy ship?
Its Time to Break Up
My friend has a really toxic relationship with Navy vessels.
She told me she warships them.
Hot Stuff
What did the Navy dentist put on his license plate?
Put your hand up if youre the laziest.
The sailor replies, It was too much trouble, senior chief.
Great Minds Think Alike
Whats the main mission of the Marine Corps?
Dont let the Army get their feet wet.
Think Fast!
What do you call a Marine that has an IQ of 160?
Friendly Rivalry
I wanted to join the Marines but I fell just short of their requirements.
So, instead, they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine.
Good Hygiene
A sailor and a marine are both in the bathroom peeing.
When the sailor finishes up, he heads to the sink to wash his hands.
When the Marine finishes up, he starts to head for the door.
The Marine replies, Inourboot camp, they teach us not to piss on our hands.
Work it Out
Whats the worst thing you could say to insult a Marine?
I thought you had to be in relatively good shape to join the Marines.
Browse the list below to find a funny joke to tell one of your buddies.
USCG Definition
The real definition of USCG is Uncle Sams Confused Group.
Sign the Papers
What did the Coastie say when his friends asked why he was getting married?
He wanted to move out of the barracks as soon as possible.
