Lesbians never have time to do their hair.
Theyre too busy liking girls!
This is an abridged version:
1.
Jeff Isy
A watch
Men wear watches and women just ask men what time it is.
A ponytail
3.
No makeup
See ponytail.
A sports bra in gym class
Everyone knows that only lesbians are athletes.
If I actually tried, then maybe Id beat a boy.
And boys dont like when girls beat them.
And I want them to like me.
I dont look at girls butts though.
Bare nails
You know who else besides lesbians dont wear nail polish?
And what else do they have in common?
I paint my nails pussy pink to let everyone know I am NOT interested in women.
Like white on rice.
Or me on boys!
Because Im straight, remember??
Like Bette Porter fromThe L Word.Who is a lesbian.
Ipso facto, only lesbians wear dress pants.
That couldnt be me, I thought, I barely fit the stereotype.
I HAVE to be straight.
I could be girly and gay just like I could be manly and man-loving.
There was no one look that determines someones sexuality.
Had I learned nothing?
I feel best when Im not trying to look straight, gay, or anything else but myself.
But more importantly, Ive worn clothes my high school self would have been mortified over.
Which is fine with me, because she was kind of a judgmental bitch anyway.
