Is your family dysfunctional?
Probably, and youre in the majority.
By
Updated 6 years ago,January 30, 2019
Is your family dysfunctional?
James Besser
Probably, and youre in the majority.
There may be occasional arguments and expressions of anger, but peace returns and individuals feel loved and respected.
It functions smoothly like a well-run company.
The executives the parents make and agree upon rules, which are consistent and reasonable.
This empowerment style resulted in surged performance and employee satisfaction.
They felt part of a team and that their voice mattered.
He abhorred secrecy and denial and wanted problems faced and solved.
Employees were given direct feedback positive and negative and they, in turn, evaluated their bosses.
He organized debates and problem-solving trainings.
was a model of an open system both inside and out.
In dysfunctional families members have lower self-esteem and tend to be codependent.
Some of the symptoms are described below, but not all are necessary to create dysfunction.
Denial is a way to ignore or pretend that a painful reality doesnt exist.
It never gets talked about, nor the problem solved.
Some families are isolated and dont interact with the community.
Others do, but appearances are everything, and the truth about the family isnt shared.
At bottom are fears of dissimilar ideas and shame.
3.Secrets.Secretscause harm, even though they may be kept with good intentions.
The shame is felt by children even when they dont know the secret.
This can take many forms from an absence of communication to verbal abuse.
Talking is not the same as functional communication, which involves listening, respect, assertiveness, and understanding.
In dysfunctional families, communication is neither assertive nor open.
People dont listen andverbal abusepredominates.
They learn not to question their parents and not to trust their perceptions and feelings.
Generally, however, there are restrictive and sometimes arbitrary rules.
Theres no room for mistakes.
Natural independence is seen as disloyalty and abandonment.
Some families have rules restricting the expression of anger, exuberance, or crying.
What are worse than rigid rules are arbitrary and inconsistent rules.
Children never know when theyll be punished.
Rules that dont make sense are unjust.
This is cruel and breeds learned helplessness and rage that can never be expressed.
Their sense of worth and dignity is violated.
They lose respect and trust in their parents and authority in general.
This is frequently the case after a divorce but also happens in intact families where parents lack intimacy.
People feel safe when family life is predictable.
Instead of a safe haven, the family becomes a war zone to escape.
Children may take develop somatic complaints, like headaches and stomach aches.
Resolving problems and conflicts is key to a smooth-running organization.
In contrast, healthy families are safe because open self-expression is encouraged without judgment or retaliation.
Love is shown not only in words, but in empathic, nurturing, and supportive behavior.
Each member, down to the youngest, is treated as a valued, respected member.
Feedback is allowed, and theres a sense of equality, even if parents have the final veto.
Parents act responsibly and are accountable for their commitments and hold children accountable for theirs.
They correct and punish misbehavior, but dont blame their children or attack their character.
Mistakes are allowed and forgiven, and parents acknowledge their own shortcomings.
They encourage and guide their children and respect their privacy and physical and emotional boundaries.
These ingredients build self-esteem, trust, and integrity.
The best way to improve the emotional health of your children and family is to build your ownself-esteemandassertive communicationskills.
