A relationship is a tricky place to allow your self-worth to reside.
This is isnt the worst thing, though Id argue you should work on loving yourselfsansyour partners approval.
Ive been in this exact situation.
Sharon McCutcheon
I let myself get wrapped up with my live-in boyfriend when I was in college.
He was manipulative and ultimately left me as a shell of my former self when things finally ended.
I felt insecure and completely drained of any self-confidence.
But the good news is, theres hope to rebuild your self-esteem.
Its completely viable to become as confident (if not more) than you were before your toxic relationship.
Instead, accept that things can change and look forward to what is going to come.
That person hurt you enough, dont let them have a piece of your heart forever.
I regretted not dumping my boyfriend the first time he shamed me about my body.
I hated myself for putting up with being mistreated.
I held onto a lot of blame, specifically for myself.
Part of the victim mentality is being in disbelief that you allowed yourself to be treated so badly.
Sometimes theyre for the better, like having a deeper appreciation for new cultures.
But toxic relationships involve people that are usually emotionally manipulative.
A tactic emotionally abusive people use is warping how their partner sees themselves as a means of control.
But when it comes to your sense of worth, those negative beliefs most likely arent true.
You are worthy of love.
Youre most likely not selfish.
And you sure as hell are beautiful and unique.
So challenge the beliefs you latched onto from your relationship.
Realize its okay to be single
I implore you not to try and win your ex back.
You deserve someone that treats you well and wants to be with you.
I also implore you not to jump into a new relationship right away.
You need time to heal.
Instead, allow yourself to be single.
Take some time to focus on you instead of investing your time and energy into a relationship.
Being single isnt as horrible as everyone makes it out to be.
In fact, I found it to be fucking fantastic.
So give being single a chance; its not like its going to last forever.
But you know who does deserve that energy?
Start prioritizing yourself as number one.
Take yourself on dates.
Do the things you love.
You deserve to do you.
I wanted to find the nuanced activities that really set my soul on fire.
Take time to really consider what makes you happy.
If soaking in a tub full of warm water makes you feel hot and uncomfortable, find something else.
Maybe a nice swim in the ocean is something you love, or drawing kawaii characters on your iPad.
Take the time to try new things that could make you genuinely excited.
People have a hard time taking compliments in general, but even more so if youre a woman.
If you fall into this category, youre probably not surprised by that number.
I definitely wasnt because I see it happen all the time.
Women deflect or divert compliments.
And one of the reasons people do this is because of their lack of self-esteem.
Though it may feel uncomfortable, practice simply accepting compliments.
A mere thank you will move you towards believing the great things others say about you.
Accomplishing goals sends a signal to your brain that youre successful.
Youre creating a reason to feel proud of yourself for.
Just check that to keep your goals small, broken down, or easily obtainable.
Compliment yourself every single day
I genuinely believe in the notion offake it until you make it.
This all comes down to the ability of our brains calledneuroplasticity.
Our brains create pathways in relation to the feelings and emotions we have.
If you associate traffic with anger, you create a neural pathway.
When you continue to get angry in traffic, you strengthen it.
So if you think negatively about yourself, continuously thinking those thoughts will strengthen that pathway.
To change this, you have to rewire the emotions your brain associates with thoughts of yourself.
Do this long enough, and youll genuinely believe the compliments you give yourself.
I did this exact method to overcome my body dysmorphia.
Years passed, and now Im the most confident Ive ever been in my life.
Fake it till you make it seems cliche, but theres some actual truth behind it.
If you went through a toxic relationship, I am so sorry.
No one deserves that kind of treatment.
With that being said, you deserve to move on and heal from the abuse you endured.
Everyone is worthy of love and happiness, you just have to uncover that truth about yourself.
