I go back to the coffee shop and make eyes at Grayson.
He remembers my order.
I want to faint.
Yoann Boyer
He looks a bit like Bo Burnham, tall and slender.
Dimples when he smiles.
I notice him immediately.
I spend the rest of my time writing sneaking glances his way.
I dont even know his last name.
2.Im at a birthday lunch for my grandma.
There is an open kitchen with chefs roasting peppers and flipping things in pans.
I am seated in direct view of them.
One is tall with his hat on backwards.
He looks like John Krasinski, but like…Turkish.
I have a go at listen to the conversation at the table, but Im imagining us cooking.
Like that scene out ofGhost, but its chopping vegetables, not making pottery.
I discreetly fan myself.
Its very hot inside this restaurant.
3.I go back to the coffee shop and make eyes at Grayson.
He remembers my order.
I want to faint.
4.He is not a stranger, but hes not exactly available.
I make it seem casual.
Like,oh, this old thing?
I already had it reserved.
But I am in love with his voice and talent.
He makes me nervous and laugh and I think about him when I cant sleep at night.
He thinks of me as a friend.
Thats all it will ever be.
Thats all I could even ask for.
5.I feel like Grayson is looking at me.
Im too afraid to check.
Im too afraid of fantasy becoming reality.
6.I start writingpoetryabout Hot Turkish John Krasinski Chef.
I go to his restaurant and sit in the back.
He is so busy working.
My god, his hands.
7.I overhear that Grayson has a girlfriend.
Of course he does.
8.Hes a brilliantly smart rapper and I decide hes The One after watching him perform at a music festival.
I tweet him too much.
I mention Im in film school and will help out for free whenever he needs.
He takes me up on it.
I skip class to work on his music video.
9.The coffee shop closes down.
I never see Grayson again.
10.For the first time, Hot Chef notices me.
After his shift ends, he approaches and asks for my number.
He was supposed to be poetry, not a real person.
11.Hot Chef picks me up after his shift.
12.Hot Chef kisses me in his backyard.
13.Hot Chef wants to see me all the time.
I have lost interest.
I have lost interest in everything.
14.The rapper has a concert that I attend.
I am so in love.
Hes on stage and Im fucking giddy.
I ask him out afterwards.
He remembers me from working on set.
I float all the way home.
15.Hot Chef texts me.
I tell him Im moving to Texas.
Its not very kind, but Ive been watching a lot ofFriendsreruns.
16.I meet the rapper at a romantic restaurant in Los Feliz.
He barely maintains eye contact.
After an hour, he says he has to go.
I offer him a ride.
He says hell walk.
I vow to never pursue a celebrity crush again.
His wife joins him.
So does his five year old daughter.
From the bottom of my heart, I hope theyre a happy family.
18.A guy on Twitter follows me.
19.We meet up in Los Angeles.
He holds my hand in the back of the Uber.
We talk about poetry and music.
I really like him.
But what if its not enough?
What if I only fall in love at a distance?
What if this is what I do?
What if I change my mind when people get too close?
20.Next time Im in town, I text him.
I am simultaneously hurt and relieved.
21.Theres a new barista.
He smiles at me.
I start writing poetry.
